It's moments like these where all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs. I'm enraged, no, I'm livid, absolutely fuming.
And what pisses me off most, is that Thomas doesn't fucking understand. He doesn't understand the need for me to have these pills, and I see the way he looks at me whenever I take them.
That's why he's hired that witch Maggie. That's why he's probably flushed all of my pills down the bloody drain.
I storm into his room, even though it's more like a slow walk. He's on the phone, and looks at me with wide eyes.
"Let me call you back, Arthur." He says and hangs up immediately.
I shut his door and enter the office. I lean against my cane, staring at him.
"Jade, now is really not the time."
"I think the fuck it is."
"You're upset." He remarks.
"You can say that." I bark back.
"I see you've met Maggie."
"I have."
"What's wrong?"
"Do you think something's wrong with me?"
"What?"
"Why would you hire her? If you're so proud of me, and my growth, why the hell would you hire her, Thomas?"
"She's going to be that extra push to make you feel comfortable in walking better. Ween you off of taking pills to sleep. Jade, I am proud of you, you have no idea how proud I am of you."
"It doesn't feel like it! She said she thinks I'm wrapped in a safety blanket! It's insulting."
"I do think you feel comfortable walking with a cane,"
"What's wrong with that?" I want to throw my hands up.
"Nothing! Nothings wrong with that, but Jade, you don't leave the house ever-"
"Thomas, do you not understand what happened to me four months ago?" I want to fucking scream!
"Jade-" He sighs.
"He broke my bones!" I scoff, one upping that. "Fuck my bones, he broke my SPIRIT!" I scream, finally losing it. "He ripped everything I had created for myself apart! He tore my brother from me. He killed my happiness! He killed our child! All he left me with was an empty vessel. I haven't recovered from that. I'm sorry, Thomas. I'm sorry I have yet to be back completely."
"Jade. No ones saying what happened to you wasn't a nightmare... You don't think I've heard you crying in your sleep for the past four months? You don't think I wasn't sitting beside you in the hospital every fucking step of the way?"
"Don't sit there and play the victim." I tell him with my head held high. Exhausted from standing, and to be fair, having this conversation, I look at Thomas. "Where are my pills?"
I could tell Thomas was over the conversation as well. He clears his throat, "Maggie suspects your addicted to them."
"What the fuck!" I laugh, "Who the fuck is she to suspect anything?"
"Jade-" He runs his hand over his face.
"Where are my pills, Thomas?"
"I threw 'em out."
"Where are my pills?"
"I tossed them!" He shouts, making me jump. "I need you to get better, Jade. Without the help of the pills."
"Wow, you really must hate me."
"No, Jade, I don't. But sometimes I wonder if I showed you less love, then maybe you'd be better."
"I'll tell you what. Show me less love. Go to work, stop sleeping in the same room as me-"
"Christ."
"Actually, I'll sleep elsewhere tonight!" I begin to walk away. "I'll be the one to do so, fuck it."
"You can be so heartless sometimes, you know that?"
"Excuse me?" I turn around. Holding onto the door knob.
"It's like you don't remember I was the one who had to see you that day." Thomas swallows. "For me to go home, excited, and to see you, to hear you."
The phone rings, I look at Tommy, and honestly. I feel like fucking shit. Like all I've been doing was hurting him with my words, when it's true, I never remember the fact that he had to see me that day. Bleeding out, screaming at the top of lungs. Clinging to my dead brothers body.
I twitch, bringing myself back to right now. Where Thomas picks up the telephone and clears his throat.
I leave the room, unsure of what else to do. I crawl to the bedroom and get into bed. Tears fill my eyes, and before I could control myself, I begin to cry.
