We took the train back to London in silence. I wanted to cry, scream, shout, kick and bite my husband. The gentle embrace that Lizzie and him had was passionate. Fuck, it was beautiful! I mean, to see Thomas like that, like how he is with me! But with another woman. It propelled daggers to my heart and I feel as though I am bleeding out.
We move to the car once we're off the train, and Thomas slumps down in the drivers seat after putting our belongings in the trunk.
"Jade," He attempts, he sounds pissed.
I purse my lips but don't say anything.
The car starts to roll off, "We should talk about this, don't ignore me!"
"Don't talk to me." I can't fucking think!
"Well we should talk!" He quickly rebuts, "You ignore me on the train, fine, but enough is enough!" He lets out a frustrating shout, when I don't respond. "You're ignoring me! Why? Because I pushed away Lizzie? Ey? You upset that I rejected her?"
"Fuck you Thomas, you know exactly why I'm mad!"
"No! I don't!" He squeezes the steering wheel, "You saw nothing! She was trying to kiss me, I backed away!"
That really was all I saw, I shake my head, but no, it felt so wrong. It wounded me. The fact that I've never been in a relationship before makes me confused. What happens now? I feel this unfamiliarity with Tommy now, and I question everything. I remember one of my clients, Joshua Grant, he'd always tell me, my wife doesn't have sex with me, and so I come here. A man's got his needs sweetheart.
As I look out the window, I think about the half year that I was indisposed, unable to have sex with my husband. A man's got his needs, hmmm, does that mean that Thomas was unfaithful to me. That he had to get his dick wet here and there, so he went to a club and had fun with other women. A man's got his needs, sweetheart.
I blurt out without thinking, "Did you fuck other women while I was sick?"
"What?!"
"You heard me." I snap at him.
"Why are you doing this?" He asks, exhausted.
"Why do you think?" I ask back, finally, I meet his eyes.
"Jade, please-"
"I saw, for the first time, my husband and another woman." I stop him, "It hurt, a lot and I feel confused."
"Confused about what?!" He shouts.
My ears ring. "About you!" I shout back.
"Lizzie and I were seeing each other, before, yes, but that was long before I met you."
I shake my head, "Why didn't you tell me before?"
His voice is low as he responds, "Because I didn't want you to know about this, about any of this!"
Right, because our marriage was supposed to be a ploy to stray Oliver from hurting me. Because Thomas he and I weren't supposed to be more than pretend-husband-and-wife.
"You didn't answer my question." I grumble and settle into my seat. I look forward and pout.
"What? Did I fuck other women?" He laughs at me, "I never fucked anyone, and I never wanted to. I was catering to you, my sick wife whom I love and am happily faithful to."
I look at him, he's staring numbingly at the road, driving very fast. I notice his lips, a grim line. I turn to the window and got lost in the loads of people in London. It wasn't a terrible day, but the sun was peeking through the array of grey clouds. I notice that we're close to home, and I feel an overwhelming urge to apologize to Tommy, but he's beat me to it.
"I'm sorry, alright? I'm sorry that I even allowed her and I to be alone, it was stupid. I should have fuckin' left when the rest of 'em did."
He pulls into our home and parks the car, Tom turns to me. He stares at me blankly, "I'm sorry. Do you... Do you want to leave me?" I hear the pain in his voice, he says words that I never want to hear ever again.
I turn and see him, for him. My husband, my partner, who'd always been at the foot of my bed when I'd wake up screaming or crying. He was always, always there.
I finally turn my head and stare at him. He's got these narrow blue eyes, his face pale, cheeks hallowed as ever. He bites the insides of his cheeks, oh Tommy.
Without another word, or exchange of looks, or silence, I wrap my arms around him after lunging into his arms.
Thomas combs through my hair and kisses my cheek, "Oh, Jade." He breathes into my hair.
I hold him as tight as I possibly could, my skin melts into his body. Home. There was no other place I wanted to be than in his arms.
And we're actually home! I nearly moan, I'm so happy. I hate Birmingham. When I pull away, I meet his beautiful eyes, "I don't want to ever leave you, Thomas." I love you so much, I'm afraid that if I saw you and Lizzie together, I still wouldn't muster up the courage to leave you. I love you so much, I'd die before you and I are parted.
"Me too." He says softly, studying my features. He leans in and kisses me softly. "Come on, let's get inside our house."
We have a dinner together, Tommy spends most of his time in the study, and I take my time taking care of myself. Night time rolls over the day, and I lay in bed recalling the day. How heavy the trip has been on our souls, seeing Jacob's grave, arguing with my husband, it's all so much. I sink into my pillow more, and shut my eyes.
He walks into the room, and stands over my body. Thomas plops down to sit beside my sleeping state. He runs his hand over my head, twirling his finger around the ends of my hair. He pauses, and for a second I wonder what he's doing.
Thomas sniffles, and sighs, "You know, for a long time, I thought it was you who needed me. But I was wrong Jade, it's me who needs you."
