*(Is this all we see?)*

~*Chapter 34*~

**WARNING: Mentions and scenes of Self-Harm and Suicidal thoughts.**

"You've reached Nick. Hey I'm not here but I will be back soon. Leave a message!"

He dialed again.

"You've reached Nick. Hey I'm not here but I will be back soon. Leave a message!" 'Fuck! Just answer Damnit!'

He felt tears start in his eyes as he dialed again. "You've reached Nick. Hey I'm not here but I will be back soon. Leave a message!"

And again. "You've reached Nick. Hey I'm not here but I will be back soon. Leave a message!"

And--

He dropped his phone onto his bed, tugging at the strands of his hair. Tears fell down his cheeks, down his nose and making him breath the salt.

He couldn't imagine what happened to him. What if he was dead? Who would tell him? Would he just go to school tomorrow and not see him, then see a memorial saying his name. It would be his fault. 'I would have let him die.'

'I did let him die. It's my fault.'

Midnight laid down on his back, holding his phone on his heart. Hoping, just hoping to get a call. He needed to know he was okay. If he was okay. He wasn't if he wasn't answering. No cell service? No. He would have to have service. 'It's my fault he's dead. It's my fault. Why should I live if I let someone I care about die? A wasted life trying to protect someone else. Why is it worth it now. Stupid stupid.'

He turned his head over to the bedside table. The blade. Now covered in dry blood instead of before being pure metal. He picked it up in his pinched fingers.

It was sharp, still sharp after all the time he slid it across his arms. He rolled up his sleeve, holding the blade to his arm. He pressed it down and drew it down his wrist. Midnight sharply inhaled, but moved down, blood soaking his fingers when he pressed his skin to the cut above. He made another.

And another.

And more until he couldn't feel it anymore. The worry. The pain. The feelings he felt towards Nick. Everything. Just the cold blood dripping and spreading down his arms.

So he couldn't feel.

~~~~

Midnight didn't relaize how tired he was until he woke up the next day at six am the next day. 'What? I missed an entire day?'

He guessed no one bothered to wake him up anyway.

Then he thought about it. 'I still have no idea about Nick. Will I see him today? Will I see his memorial today?' And even still, he had not heard from Noah. Was Noah okay?

Midnight rushed to his closet, pulling on a black shirt, matching sweater and very light blue washed jeans. They were ripped but how much did he care?

He only cared about one thing.

He hurried to straighten his hair as much as he could before he zipped down the stairs with his still open school bag, papers flying out, then to his mother waiting at the door. She was leaning on the doorframe with her arms folded. "Early, are you?"

"I need to get to school early."

"Why?" Fawn asked after closing the door, the cold entered his breaths. They both walked to the car. He didn't reply, so she asked again. "I just do alright?"

"Okay."

~~~~

Midnight slammed the car door right when he left the warm place. He didn't care that he was cold. He just needed to get into the school. Or to look outside. Nick had to be somewhere. Or at least what was left of him.

He ran with his satchel slapping against his hip. It was heavy so it hurt. But as before. He still didn't care.

The outside of the school was empty. No one was out there. 'No!'

He plowed through the students crowded at the door. Through half the hall as he scan for that face. The fluffy haired, super defined cheekbone, dimpled face that he loved seeing.

Midnight hurried down more and more halls. Until reaching the hall to the cafeteria.

And he saw him.

His hair was disheveled. His dimples were sunk in. He was serious. His jaw looked clenched. One of his arms was slung up into a dark blue cast. He was wearing his signature leather jacket. Brittany was by his side, her blonde hair in a tight ponytail. She was hanging on to his arm. She looked to be bothering him.

"Nick, come on tell me what's wrong?" Midnight heard her say. He moved towards the wall to look like he was distracted, or just not listening. He pulled out a book from his bag and opened it.

"It's nothing alright? Just leave it."

Brittney kept pressuring him. She tugged at his arm more. "Please Baby, tell me what's wrong." She batted her eyelids. Midnight wanted to throw up. He looked back down at his book and listened. "Nothing...leave it." Nick tried to move her arm away, continuing to scroll through his phone.

"Nick please--you haven't talked to me since that night--what happened?" She asked him.

"Brittney! Jesus Christ, leave me the fuck alone already!" Nick didn't seem to listen as Brittney called him, as he exited the cafeteria in anger. And eventually came close to Midnight.

He didn't say anything. He shoved past him.

'What?' He felt his heart start to pound.

"Nick!" Midnight called after him. He picked up his bag to run after his friend. "Nick what the hell?"

"What do you want?" He snapped the question at him. His eyes were pure cold, not the warmth Midnight knew. The warmth he usually saw in his carimel eyes. "Nick you've been ignoring me for days what is going on?"

"How about I didn't want to talk to you? Did you ever think of that? NO you didn't because you were being optimistic." Nick scoffed. "It's pathetic. You and me? Right."

"What are you talking about?" 'No no no. This can't be happening. Let this not be real.'

"I'm talking about us being so called," he held up quotations, "friends. We're not. We never were. Do you get that?"

"You can't--" Midnight didn't want to cry. Not in front of him. Not now. "You can't be serious."

"I am." He pushed him onto the wall. Hss back stung as he sank to the floor. "Goodbye Midnight."

_____

Liz updating one chapter after the other? Yep!! Here I am!!!