The things I think of when I'm alone

Dream or reality?

People always wonder why I spend lots of time awake even in the middle of the night. Some even though I hate sleep because I only do it for a few hours. They kept telling me that it is an important thing to do, so our body and mind will be refreshed to get ready for the next day. I never liked sleeping in the first place. It's just a waste of opportunity to do something. I always wanted my day to be busy maybe because I am distracting myself so I won't fall asleep. It's not that I hate it but it's a little different for me. I don't get it either but every time I fall asleep I have to force myself out to wake up. My eyes doesn't just open when I want to. I can't even move any part of my body for a few minutes. The only thing I could manage is to breathe. I felt stuck in my own body like I was already dead but deep inside, my brain is aware that I'm still alive. It started when I was in my teenage years and until now it still happens sometimes. It wasn't actually life threatening but I had the worst experience four days ago. I was very tired from studying all night so as soon as I hit my bed I easily fell asleep. I couldn't remember how long I was sleeping but then again I couldn't manage to wake up. I tried to open my eyes but I just couldn't make it happen. My body didn't move at all just like before..but the worst part of it was I couldn't breathe either. I felt like something was stuck in my throat and all of a sudden my neck tightened. It's like I was being strangled but I wouldn't know because both of my eyes were still shut. It happened for a few minutes maybe six but it felt like an hour. Truth is I don't think I would love to experience that again whatever that was, so yeah that's one of the reasons why I always stay awake but sometimes I do wonder..am I really awake now?