Kissing in a Dream

The First Goodbye

**Please note, this story is BL(LGBT M/M) and will contain adult situations. You must be 18+ to read. **

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I stood outside in the pouring rain.

I never knew why I was drawn to that kind of weather. When other kids were afraid, I would always find a way to go outside on my own.

With my eyes closed, I lifted my face to the water. Even them I could still smell Pa's cooking. A smile stretched my lips and happiness filled my heart with the sift patter of raindrops on my skin.

"Nong!" Pa called. "What are you doing, boy?"

"Pa...five more minutes!" I didn't bother opening my eyes.

Pa laughed. "Get inside and change before you catch a cold. Dinner is ready."

"kráp, Pa!"

I stepped onto the porch to be protected from the rain when Pa dropped a towel over my head. I laughed, rubbed my hair then dragged the towel down to my neck. "Khob Kun kráp."

"Don't take forever."

"Okay, kráp."

Pa smiled and disappeared into the house. Sadness filled me then. I had been hiding it from Pa for weeks. Soon, I would be on the other side of the world. I knew I had to do it. I had to make him proud, but I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to go away and fend for myself, away from him.

I wasn't afraid of taking care of myself. Before Pa took me in, I was on my own.

In a way, Pa had become my safety blanket. But he was getting older. It was my duty to stay home and take care of him. But Pa insisted I go and now I had to say goodbye.

I had never flown before—and the thought of getting on a plane terrified me. I had visited the temple but I still felt as though the entire world was sitting on my shoulders.

I showered and changed as Pa wanted. When I made my way to the table, Pa had made all my favorites. I sat, smiling from ear to ear though my heart was breaking into a million little pieces.

"You must know I'm very proud of you." Pa's voice cracked.

He'd never said the words before, but I never doubted how he felt. Pa was more of a man of action than words. Every kind thing he'd ever done for me or said to me. Ever morning he woke me up with the smell of Jok fluttering through our home. Every time he saw my grades and grinned from ear to ear—I knew Pa cared about me.

My cheeks burned. "kráp." I nodded while using my spoon to add rice to my plate.

We ate.

Pa spent the entire dinner giving me advice for living in a new country.

Dress warm. Eat healthy. Be active. Make friends. Study hard.

"kráp."

He continued with the advice and I held my breath, hoping he wouldn't get to a certain part of my life.

After dinner, I cleaned up for him one final time. By the time I crawled into bed, I was exhausted but couldn't seem to fall asleep. The excitement of what was to come had my mind in circles.

Now, all I had to do, was succeed abroad so I could take care of him when the time came.

Two days after my sixteenth birthday, I began having this dream.

I was being kissed, a bruising kiss which left my lips tingling and my heart racing inside my chest. I didn't know who the kisser was. Each time I tried opening my eyes, something would wake me.