Kissing in a Dream

Glimpses of Life

I left floating on a cloud. It wasn't obvious why—I was lost on why having my hands on Mongkut's face felt so safe and right to me. Still I stayed in the moment, in the warmth of his skin, the tremble in his lips, the shimmer of his eyes. I was lost in the pink of his cheeks and the warmth of his soft cheeks against my fingertips.

Alone with him, I hadn't been afraid of being different. All I felt was a gratefulness I never thought was possible inside me. He'd taken time out to comfort me, then slept on the floor with me. I had awoken in the night to use the bathroom and he was there, holding my hand. It wasn't lost on me that my nightmares had plagued me. They had been a part of my subconscious ever since I was a child.

I watched Mongkut with is friends, a part of me wishing he'd leave them and come home with me. The feeling was overwhelming. But I knew even if I was to go to him, to confess I was beginning to feel things because of him, for him, we could never even begin to make a go of anything.

My father wasn't a man to be trifled with and I didn't want to burden Mongkut or cause him to get hurt because of me.

With a heavy heart, I left the mall and was driving toward home when my phone rang. Without looking, I simply ordered the automation to answer it.

"Sawatdee-khrap, P'Tar."

"Ja. Nong."

The voice was familiar. It was the only voice within my family that didn't shoot fear through to my core.

"P..." I said simply, wondering why he was calling me. "Pen arai khrap?"

"Why do you assume something is wrong?" Tar asked.

"Because you won't call if everything is good." I replied.

Tar chuckled. "Trust me, Nong, things are the same. I haven't spoken to you in a while and with the time difference, I'd check in on you."

I didn't believe it. Tar was a good man. I wasn't sure how he started working for my father or why. There was something about him, something which told me he wasn't like my father or the others who worked for my dad.

"P'Tar, you were around when I was about ten years old, right?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Do you remember anything happening around that time, during a thunderstorm?" I asked.

Tar went quiet for a second then cleared his throat. "You have to be a little bit more specific."

I sighed. It made no sense asking. Tar wouldn't tell me much of anything. His loyalty to my father was infuriating.

"How's the weather there?"

"It's fine, P. Getting colder. But I can manage." I checked my mirrors before making the left turn into the parking lot. I found a spot and eased my car into it.

"I hear you're coming home for summer break."

I frowned. The last thing I wanted to think about in that moment was my impending doom. "Chi, P."

"What about Christmas break?"

"You know Pa doesn't celebrate Christmas." I reminded him. "I'm staying here."

"Is Dae not leaving for Christmas? Who would you spend it with?"

I sighed. "Dae hasn't decided if he will be going home as yet, P. And I don't need to spend it with someone. I'm sure I'll have a lot of preparations to do for the new year."

"You're staying there for Christmas then? Is that your final answer then?"

"Chi, Khrap."

Tar made that irritated sound in his throat like he usually did when I did something to disappoint him. I knew it well.