Kissing in a Dream

The Moment

There was no telling how long I parked across from Tes' gate, watching the house. I supposed it was a habit from my years of doing surveillance for Anurak. Tes' car wasn't in the yard and though I knew his sister drove the vehicle sometimes I just couldn't check.

Eventually, the car pulled up and the driver wound down the window. I walked over to see it was Lala.

"P'Tar." She called. "What are you doing here, Kha?"

"I'm looking for Tes."

She smiled sweetly. "He's at the university, P. He's been studying later and later. I just went to see him, but he wasn't ready to come home."

"Thanks."

I turned back for my motorcycle when she called out to me.

"Do you know why he's acting so strange?" She asked. "He seems so sad and I don't know what to do for him, P."

"It'll be okay—he'll be okay. I promise, na?"

She nodded. "Good night, P."

"Good night."

I headed back to my cycle, slipped my helmet on and sped off down the dimly lit street. I checked the traffic before pulling onto the main road. All the way to the university, I wondered if I was the reason for Tes' sadness, or the news I'd given to him. Either way, it seemed, I was the reason for Tes' sadness. I was the reason my heart cried.

The university was familiar to me. Wolf was supposed to go there until a small turf war broke out between Anurak and a gang to our north. That changed the entire trajectory of Wolf's life as Anurak skirted him out of Thailand.

I found Tes reading from a large book. I watched him from among the shelves as he rubbed his eyes, yawned then blinked and went back to the words. I left again to find a food stand, picked up something for him to eat and a drink, then made my way back. He didn't look up as I approached so I set the bag in front of him as well as the bottle.

Tes looked up then. When he saw me, he pushed the food away and began packing his things. I caught his wrist in one of my hand.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"Shhh!" Hushed and unseen person.

"Away from you." Tes snapped in a hoarse whispered. "You had no right, P, none!"

"Tes?"

"You left me, P!" Tes leaned in to level angry brown eyes on me. "I needed to wake up feeling you with me and you left me alone. All I felt was empty and I know I'm not your boyfriend but I...I gave in to you and you left me alone."

"You have your girlfriend. What I'd done with you was wrong because of her." I explained. "Don't you see how much that hurt me?"

Tes wrenched his arm away, picked up his things and stormed from the library. I grabbed the drink and the bag and ran after him. I caught up with him in the parking lot and blocked his retreat.

"Do you think I wanted to leave?" I demanded. "Do you think it was easy for me, waking up with you cuddled into my chest, feeling your breath against my face, hearing your cute little snores and knowing you weren't mine to keep? That you belonged to...her."

"P..."

I stepped back and bowed my head. "As much as I hate to admit it out loud—you were happy with her. And I'm so selfish to try taking that away."

"P'Tar."

The shame in me made every part of me hurt.

"P'Tar, please look at me."