Kissing in a Dream

As I Fall

After dance practice, I chose the farthest corner of the room, away from everyone to help clean up. Even though I wasn't a part of the team, I'd agreed to help Tok and Ari with clean up after the members left. My mind was preoccupied with a million things—most having to do with Prae and Wolf.

Prae was an ever-present presence around me. She was always clinging to my arm and feeding me things. Wolf kept his distance. He arrived at class late so he wouldn't have to sit beside us, then left ahead of everyone else.

Our project, he emailed me whatever I asked him for to go with him. His emails were never friendly. They were cordial, professional and each one broke my heart. Each time I tried speaking with him, Dae would lead him away. And every time Dae picked me up for school in Wolf's car, Dae refused to tell me what was happening.

I understood his loyalty to his friend, but I was hurting.

"What's the matter?" Ari asked softly as she leaned over to grab a discarded water bottle someone had forgotten.

"Nothing."

"Come on, Nong." She giggled at the use of the Thai word. "It's not like I can't tell."

I glanced over my shoulder to see Tok was preoccupied with a pretty girl he'd been spending far too much time with for them to just be friends. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Have you ever been with someone, and deep down, it doesn't feel right?" I asked. "Almost like you're doing something wrong?"

She arched a brow. "Are you talking about Prae?"

I nodded. While she thought of the question, I dumped what I'd gathered in a large garbage bag and went to sit beside her.

"I wanted to like her." I admitted to Ari. "I really tried. But I have someone else on my mind and I feel like dirt for it."

"Well, who is this other person?"

My cheeks flushed. "It doesn't matter. This person hates me right now."

Ari sighed. "Why do boys make everything so complicated? The way I see it is this—if you're not happy the person you're with won't be happy either. You know what the right thing to do is. You just don't have the heart to do it."

I sighed. "I have to break things off with Prae. But she seems so happy."

"At the cost of your happiness?" Ari asked. "Do the right thing. Then go and talk to the only person on the planet who calls you Chang Noi."

I swerved to glare at her. "You know?"

"Of course I know!" She laughed.

"And you—you don't think I'm disgusting?"

She sighed and rubbed my back. "You're not disgusting, and I will fight anyone who even dare mention that word in your presence. Your heart wants who it wants. Who am I to judge?"

"Does..."

"No. Tok doesn't know. And I won't tell him."

I blinked at her. "How comes?"

"Not my secret to tell." She stood then turned to face me. "Your timing is different than anyone else. I may be ready to blurt something out, but you may need more time to come to terms with it. But don't want too long to speak with that certain someone, eh, Chang Noi? You may lose him."

"I don't even know if he likes me like that. Sometimes I think he merely tolerates me."

"Welp, only one way to find out."