The Playboy's Setback (R-18 Vikings Series)

Chapter 18: who

mundo'y magiging ikaw
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Axel Ivram

I'm a fucking asshole, damn it.

Malaya akong nakatitig sa tulog na mukha ng babaeng pinaiyak ko kanina. Ang babaeng ilang beses ko nang pinaiyak at sinaktan. She looks so beautiful while sleeping. Halatang namamaga ang pisngi niya.

Nakatulog siya ilang minuto matapos niyang sabihin sa akin ang mga hinanaing at hinanakit niya. Usang salita lang galing sa kanya, sapat na para gisingin ako. At ang paghikbi niya... sapat na para matauhan ako.

After she confessed, I was left speechless. Walang salita ang pumorma sa bibig ko. I didn't fucking know what to say nor what to goddamn do.

Ayoko siyang pakawalan.

I clenched my jaw. She did nothing but stay by my side when I need her. She drew light out of the darkness inside me that no one ever did. She made me realize many things with all the days she's been with me. She's my light. But all I paid her back was pain. And I feel like a useless shit for making her feel that way.

"I'm sorry.." matapat na saad ko. This may not be enough to erase her pain, I know.

When she told me that we should end what we have, I wasn't ready for that. I will never be ready for that. Because I know that I would be nothing without her. She's the only woman who can keep me sane through and through.

Pumikit ako.

Amanda has been running in my mind since she cheated on me. Then Patricia came. She changed my life.

Hindi pa nakakalimot iyang puso mo kay Amanda, Axel...

Until now, I can still remember the pain inflicted in Patricia's voice when she said those words.

Umigting ang bagang ko. Too fucking complicated. Amanda holds a part of me but I can't let go of Patricia. Mababaliw ako kapag iniwan niya ako. Kung noon, takot akong mawala si Amanda sa akin. Ngayon, hindi ko kakayanin kung si Patricia ang lalayo sa akin. It would kill me.

Disente akong tao pero para sa'yo, nilunok ko ang dignidad ko. Ginawa ko ang sarili kong parausan mo. Ginawa ko ang sarili kong panakip butas jan sa pagmamahal mo kay Amanda!

Napasabunot ako sa sarili kong buhok.

I fuck her. I do her when I need her. Ginagawa ko ang mga bagay na iyon pero ni hindi ko siya mabigyan ng label na panghahawakan niya. Ang laki kong gago, puta.

Then I go out on dates with other girls when every night, she's all that I need. At the end of the day, my day won't be complete without her.

She's in pain, damn it! At dahil iyon sa akin. Dahil sa katarantaduhan ko.

What the fuck did I fucking do?

"Tangina" mura ko at dahan dahang tumayo mula sa pagkahiga. I reached for my phone.

I silenced it a while ago because Amanda kept on calling.