The Playboy's Setback (R-18 Vikings Series)

Chapter 36: patawad

But every time you hurt me, the less that I cry
And every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry
And every time you walk out, the less I love you
Baby, we don't stand a chance, it's sad but it's true
🌻

Patricia

Walking away from the man you love hurts. But I know that I'm not the only one in pain in this situation. Kung nasasaktan ako, ganon din si Axel. His tears are enough for me to know that he's in pain.

Maybe he's guilty. Maybe he's not. And I am not sure if he's saying the truth. Imposibleng hindi niya alam na nandoon si Amanda. Imposibleng hindi niya ginusto ang nangyari sa kanila. Amanda is his ex. Kaya nanghihinayang ako. I know I have trust issues kasi simula pa lang naman ng aming pagsasama, pinaglaruan na niya ko. He kissed girls infront of me and dated ladies although he comes home to me at night so I could warm the bed he sleeps at. Sobrang sakit na non. Lalo pa at parang bumabalik lang lahat ngayon. Yung pagkamartyr ko. Will I risk it again and forgive him like the usual?

When I saw him with Amanda, naked in his bed, it made me question my worth. Am I really not enough? Was I wrong in trusting him again? Kasi ang sakit sobra. Hindi ko alam kung maniniwala pa ba ako sa kanya. He was good at lying before. Kaya hindi ko alam kung maniniwala pa ba ako sa kanya ngayon. A part of me wants to, but the pain is just too much to handle.

Pinahid ko ang luhang nagsibagsakan mula sa mga mata ko. I'm at the bathroom. I don't want to show myself publicly while having emotional breakdown.

I ran away from Axel. That's what I'm good at. My trust issues just makes me want to ran away from everything. Ang saklap lang.

At mas dumoble ang sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon. I feel empty. Broken.

Malaki rin ang kasalanan ko, alam ko iyon. Kasi puwede ko namang maisingit sa oras ko na tawagan siya o sagutin ang mga tawag niya. I could have typed a reply to all his text messages but I did not. And that's a big mistake. That was wrong. But my mind was too occupied with worry for my Dad.

Ganito na ba talaga? We were working out our relationship but we failed again. Pinagtagpo pero di tinadhana. Those four words are lyrics from a song but it means so much. We met each other but it seems like we are not destined for each other. We are not fated to be with each other.

Tumingala ako at pumikit.

Ilang minuto pa akong nanatili sa loob ng cubicle para pakalmahin ang sarili ko. Hinintay kong matuyo ang mga luha ko saka ko inayos ang sarili ko. After that, buong lakas loob akong naglakad palabas ng cubicle.

"Nakita niyo ba iyon? Axel was so mad! Muntik na nga niyang masuntok si Amanda!"

"Oo nga e. Grabe rin ang iyak ni Amanda. She looks so helpless. Ano ba kasi ang nangyari?"

"Sa mga nakalipas na araw, naging malamig ang pakikitungo ni Axel sa lahat. Maski pati sa nga kaibigan niya. Napansin niyo naman diba? Tsaka yung kanina, I've never seen him that angry before. Ngayon lang"

"Kasalanan kasi ni Amanda! Pinilit niya kasing kausapin si Axel kanina. Ayun tuloy!"

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa bag ko sa mga bulong-bulungang naririnig ko.

Anong komosyon na naman iyan? What do they mean? Muntik nang masuntok ni Axel si Amanda sa sobrang galit niya? Are they for real? He cannot do that to the woman he just fucked last night, I am sure.

Naglakad ako paloob ng main campus ngunit huminto ako nang may mamataan ako sa di kalayuan. It was Amanda. She was looking straight at me. Kahit sa distansya namin, kita ko ang pamumula ng mukha niya at ang namamaga niyang mga pisngi.