Hidden Marks || BTS || COMPLETED

26: Cold Burn

I never posted a music video in the chapters before, but as I was writing this particular chapter, this song played and I had to pause and listen to it. Not only are the singers just amazing, but the lyrics reminded me a lot of what Sera was going through and just wanted to include the song. If you want, please listen to it!

*****

Soulmates were suppose to be something that completes you, make your feel whole, not empty or numb feelings, just contentment and warmth would be the only thing you would feel.

Yet why did I feel so numb?

Even with the warmth that the last of the summer heat that shined down, which did not make sense as fall was in full season, and nearing winter, I felt cold and numb. It was a feeling that I have grown accustomed to, expected to always feel for the rest of my life. However, these past few days I was smothered in warmth and love that I found it sometimes hard to breath, and yet I enjoyed it. Enjoyed that I could lean on someone and have hope that they wouldn't pull their hold on me one day, allowing me to fall again.

So why?

Why did I feel that looming threat of loneliness wash over me as I stared at the closed door to the bar, no one entering as it was mid day. Yet Baekhyun was in there, along with the mysterious girl that was his girlfriend, Eunji. It wasn't a feeling of jealously of feeling replaced by another girl, but a feeling of uselessness that overwhelmed me.

Baekhyun has aways been there, my pillar, my support. Countless nights he had spent with me to just comfort me as I sobbed uncontrollably until I couldn't even talk. He supported me emotionally when my brother died, when I found out about my soulmates, he was there, by my side. When I couldn't take myself to the hospital or needed someone to pick me up, he was the one I always called, even putting him down as my main emergency contact, putting him above my parents, because of the reassurance that he would always be there.

Yet why couldn't I do the same for him?

While Baekhyun was wallowing in silency in the bar, I was in the safety of my apartment, my only worry was catching up on missing work, but even I had my soulmates to support me, to be by my side.

I felt so useless, that for someone who thought of themselves independent, I couldn't even stand on my own two feet, to pull myself out of my own pit.

All this time I have been relying on everyone around me to keep me stable, that I couldn't even help myself emotionally, so how the hell was I suppose to supprt my soulmates, Baekhyun and Kimie? To stand on my own as an individual instead of hiding in the grasps of everyone.

So without thinking, I turned around and roughly pushed the door open that it caught the handful of people in the bars attention, along with Baekhyun and his girlfriend. I didn't walk in, but stayed in the door frame as I stared into Baekhyuns brown eyes, wide and filled with all sorts of emotions.

"You may not want me around, but you're my person!" I wasn't the yelling type, but I wanted my voice to be heard, "But I'm your person as well! I won't give up on out friendship because you never did, so just wait Byun Baekhyun and I'll show you!" Show him what, well I still needed to decide that.

"So I'll see you next week on campus! With you sober!" The I turned to his girlfriend and bowed slightly, "I may not know you, but if you ever hurt Baekhyun, I'll come for you!"

Not waiting for a response I quickly walked back out the bar, this time feeling more confidant as I walked down the street, back to campus.

*****

Sitting down on the couch with Kimie, one of those rare days where we both weren't busy.

The tv in-front of us wasn't even on, phones no where in sight as we silenlty just sat there, not saying anything, but the atmosphere was comforting and familair, not tense or awkward. The perks of being best friend and roommates for so long, that there was no need for words to be exchanged. No need to fake smiles or small chatter.