DONTMAKEMEFALLINLOVE || Billy Hargrove, Stranger Things

XLVII.

Day 4

At first my stomach hurts so badly I can't even move. Then suddenly I have a sore, dry throat up until my insides come rushing back up, in the most painful way. With my body hurting so badly I have to rush to the bathroom and puke out all my insides in the toilet, my eyes watery and red in the end.

This has been an often occurrence ever since I came here. At first I thought it was food poisoning or something but actually Ezekiel told me it was a withdrawal symptom; I'm puking up all the drugs. Ezekiel is the only one I talk to, and I'm the only one he talks to when he's not reading his books.

So far my nights have been sleepless. On the mattress my body feels stiff but tired. In the mornings I move so slow because I'm tired, I can't even get breakfast on time but it's not like I've had much of an appetite for a while. When I do get to breakfast on time though I sit next to Ezekiel which so happens to be the table in front of Danny's table, where he sits alone. I can hear Danny laugh sometimes behind my back but I don't bother to turn around, because then he'll just want to talk.

Sometimes I catch myself staring at something for too long, like I once did when I was high. The world felt colorful and happy and almost complete when I was under the influence, and now I'm dealing with the aftereffects. The more I stay in rehab the more I realize it was careless and selfish of me to get into drugs. Yes, I was in love with Billy but he wouldn't have wanted me to throw my life away the way I did... I know that now. Now I stand here with a headache only a pill can get rid of; a pill I can't take or I'll lose my life again.

Day 8

With every passing day my appetite is starting to grow again. I can finally eat cereal without feeling the taste of vomit arising. Even though my brain still craves the release of a high I know it always will; no addict will ever truly completely recover. Yes, rehab works but it is not a cure.

At lunch Ezekiel brought his stack of Uno cards so we could play. And not to brag or anything but I've never lost to Dustin, Mike, Lucas, or Will before and they're pretty smart for their age. At first it's just starts out with the two of us playing and eating our salad but suddenly the chair next to me is being scrapped against the floor and a body is now occupying it. "You guys are playing Uno and I want in."

"We're in the middle of a game, Danny," Ezekiel bluntly replies. One reason I like Ezekiel is because he too doesn't take an interest to Danny.

"That's fine, I'll wait till the next round." Danny nonchalantly replies. I have to give it to him though, his persistence has been impeccable. It's challenging to play Uno when Danny is hovering over your shoulder, laughing at cards he thinks you should use. It gets so annoying I almost do want Ezekiel to win. But the more Danny is around the more emotions I had before start to arise. And I take that as progress, even if they're not positive emotions.

During the group sessions in the afternoon I notice one less chair here. Fred starts, "Ladies and gentlemen I am very pleased to inform you that Lia has departed from us! After two years she has recovered and left earlier back to her hometown!"

so it is possible to leave.

I just know Ezekiel wishes he could leave too when he suddenly lowers his book after the news is said. I have no idea for what and how long Ezekiel has been here but I know it's not my business to ask. If he wants to share with me, he will.

Apparently the Uno match from earlier (that I won in fact), led Danny to believe we're mutuals because now he's sitting next to me this group session.