DONTMAKEMEFALLINLOVE || Billy Hargrove, Stranger Things

L.

When Billy died, a piece of me died with him.

And in a way, moving to the place he loved the most will help me connect with him; to help fill the void in my heart. At least that's what I'm hoping for.

There's now a few days left for Christmas and so far I've spent my time with the people who mean the most to me. It was hard at first to smile at Dustin knowing that I'll be leaving soon but just yesterday I had built up the courage to tell him about my opportunity.

"I know the past years have been tough for you but...I think it's time to start a new life."

I didn't know what to say. I couldn't tell if my words were selfish or not.

"What do you mean?" Dustin asked curiously.

"I'm...going to college Dustin," I replied, terrified at first.

But then I had realized I can't hold onto such a dead town anymore.

"UCLA," I started again, more confidently, "It's change–a good change. To meet new people and put the horror behind me."

I was expecting him to point out why i can't leave or why it's selfish–another Henderson putting up a fight. Instead, I had received the opposite; Dustin smiled at me.

December 25, 1985

Christmas this year isn't entirely the worst one I've had. I'm alone yes, but at least I'm in California.

A very secluded and private helicopter dropped me off in the outskirts of Los Angeles as I carried nothing but the money in my jeans and a new ID and other necessary documents with an entirely different name on it: William Neeson.

This isn't how I ever anticipated my life to be. As a runaway. In a bright colored motel without my car. In the bathroom cutting my hair, but not too much since I refuse to go any shorter.

Just last year I hated the idea of moving across the country to a town no one had even heard of. Last year I quite frankly did not enjoy thinking about Diana Henderson. But then I fell in love with her.

And just when everything started to fall into place, everything went to shit. I never should've left that night. I tried to stop the monster inside me but I ended up hurting, maybe even killing so many people. I can't even properly sleep at night.

But the worst outcome that came out of my entire life was losing her. Twice.

Maybe this is the worst Christmas yet.

•

Chaos hasn't broken out yet, but it's close. Christmas is anything but jolly in this household. 

You currently have Dustin and my mother arguing over what time to put the food in the oven and Steve attempting to decorate the house. I didn't want to ask him why he's here because that would've been rude.

The past Christmas's haven't gone so well that I'm simply waiting for the first person to snap.

Soon I'll be so far away from home that I'll probably even miss the yelling.

Other than the part of spending the holidays with my family, my road after being clean from drugs has been more challenging than I anticipated. It's not like rehab, where they won't let any drugs in (if they check the mail correctly); this is the regular world where my decisions can make me end up in the hospital again.

I'm fighting so that I don't have urge to stay high. If I could flush down a pill once I could do it again...but I can't bring myself to ever step foot in any party again.