He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not (Reddie)

26

3rd Person POV

Bill was pacing. He never paced, that was something Eddie only did. Bill was too grounded to pace, but his mind really said 'fuck that' at that moment. Bill was pacing so fast and for so long that there were scuff marks starting to wear into the floorboards in his room.

He had started pacing as soon as he got home. Sure he first ran up to his room and threw his back pack full of snacks on his bed before he started his pacing. But it had been a full two hours, he had skipped supper, and he kept glancing nervously at the clock.

Bill had only one thing on his mind, Stan. Well actually, two things: how absolutely fucked he was.

And then the door bell rang, Bill nearly pissed himself.

"Someone's at the door!"

He knew he couldn't ignore his mother calling. Which he thought royally sucked ass.

So Bill stomped down the stairs and faced his front door wearily. He could see the top of Stan's mop of hair.

"Fuck," he cursed quietly, low enough for his parents not to hear.

Before he could even attempt at opening the front door, it swung open by the cause of Stan's hand on the door handle.

Stan looked nervous, but he tried to hide it with a smile. Bill had only stepped back when the door opened, and he hadn't said anything at all. Stan noticed this and took a step over the threshold and closed the front door.

"I think it's best if we talk in your room," he said simply.

Bill could only manage a meek nod before Stan pushed past him and marched up to his room.

"Get your ass moving!" Stan called when he had made it into Bill's room but Bill was still frozen at the bottom.

When Bill finally managed to march his ass up to his room, he had to lean against the door frame as Stan sat near the window while the last rays of sunshine set his body on fire.

Fuck, Bill thought, I don't want to deal with this right now.

Stan smiled shyly, "Take a seat Bill."

Bill would have laughed, but he was barely keeping his shit together. So he just sat at the edge of his bed and waited for Stan to speak again. He was dreading it, but what the fuck was he going to do?

He watched as Stan drew in a big shuddering breath and looked down at his awkward and bony hands. A scar was still prominent.

"I know how you are feeling," he said quietly, "I know how scared you are--fuck--I used to be just as scared."

Bill gulped.

"And I'm only really telling you this because..." there was a lot of silence before Stan continued, Bill wasn't even sure if he would. "....well fuck I don't even know. But-well-Richie came out to me," Stan blurted out.

Bill's eyes widen, then his heart sank.

"He told me he was bi, and I admit, I didn't really react the best," Stan looked up into Bill's eyes, "and it wasn't like I didn't accept him...it was just that I had started to question myself, and Richie coming out to me just really fucked me up."

Bill felt his heart sink more.

"but then..." Stan stood and walked towards Bill, "then I realized that you were just as lost as me...and I didn't feel scared anymore."

Stan didn't move anymore, and Bill felt worse. Stan was only standing half a foot away from him and Bill hated the part of himself that wanted him to be closer.

But Bill also hated how much he was hurting Stan. Because he did like Stan.

He liked how much Stan cared for all of the losers. Or how Stan constantly sported those stupid bouncing curls. Or even how much he was obsessed with fucking birds, of all things.

So Bill broke down, which again was very unlike Bill. He was the leader, he was strong, and sure he may not be the tallest of the group anymore, but he was still imposing.

But there he was, tears rolling down his cheeks and his hands shaking.

And the best part was, he had slouched forward and clung onto to Stan. Grasping his arms and ducking his head into Stan's shoulder.

"I'm so s-s-sorry Stan," he cried.

"It's okay Bill," Stan assured.

Bill sniffed. Then he pulled himself together. He knew who he was now, I mean he had already known, but now he accepted it.

-----

Fuck

I feel like shit rn

Sorry pals.