He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not (Reddie)

18

Eddie's POV

I felt embarrassed. Richie had shown up at my house at four in the afternoon, unannounced. Not that that was an issue, it's just...the last time I had seen him he had kissed my cheek and then I had promptly left.

It had mad me feel just...uncomfortable? I don't know if that's the right word, but I was feeling things that made my feel uncomfortable. But I didn't know what per say.

All I know is that Richie was at my house and I was feeling those 'feelings' again.

"Hey, asshat," Richie was snapping his fingers in my face to get my attention, "where's your cups? This bitch is thirsty for more than just your mom."

I glowered at him, making him grin sheepishly.

"The cups are in the cabinet to the left of the sink," I directed.

Richie nodded, "Ok, is mommy Kaspbrak gonna get pissy if she sees me digging through her cupboard alone though?"

"Fuck you, wuss. I'll go with you." I grumbled and led him out my room knowing he was grinning widely.

What was with him? He couldn't seem to leave me alone. Not that I hated having his company, I wasn't a super independent person. It was just weird.

I stood grumpily in the kitchen, watching him easily snatch a cup and fill it with tap water. Then he took a huge gulp of it.

"Afraid I'm gonna steal something?" he joked.

"What? No," I insisted and unfolded my arms.

"Just felt like you were watching my every move."

I tried not to blush, "Well I was. What the fuck am I supposed to look at? The ceiling?"

"Glad to know I'm more interesting than your ceiling."

I stomped back to my room, knowing he would follow.

"Why are you here?" I asked once we had both made it back.

Richie shrugged, "I was bored, wanted to see your mom, didn't know you would be home."

I groaned, "Stop dude that's so disgusting."

Richie seemed surprised that I was genuinely annoyed at him, and he shut up quickly.

"I just came to hang with you, am I not allowed to?"

I huffed and plopped back on my bed. "Well what do you want to do?" I asked.

Richie seemed to be caught off guard, as he didn't respond for awhile.

"We could.....um...." he sighed then, "I don't know, I could just leave if that's what you want."

I sat up as he started to walk out my bedroom door. His head was down. He honestly looked...sad?

"Stay Richie," I insisted, "I like hanging with you."

He turned around in my doorway, the biggest smile on his face. Then he came and plopped down on my bed next to me.

"So...what should we do?" He asked. Richie was leaning forward, so very close to me. I was starting to feel those...feelings again as his knee brushed lightly against my own.

"Uhhh," I scooted away from him, "there's actually something I need to talk to you about."

Richie raised a brow.

I started to fidget my hands but kept my gaze on him, "I think that, I mean especially after, well you know, it's just that I don't feel," I huffed, "how do I say this?"

It seemed like Richie was amused by me. The corners of his mouth had turned up subtly.

"Just talk slower Eds, it's okay," he assured and patted my shoulder.

My stomach seemed to explode and my face grew hot.

"It's stuff like that!" I blurted out.

"What?"

"You-you need to have more boundaries!" I insisted, "you can't just kiss me and touch me and all that. It just makes me feel...weird."

Richie frowned then, eyes wide and hurt.

"Oh." he said softly, "I'm sorry."

And then I wanted to comfort him like he had comforted me. Place a hand on his shoulder gently. But I had just yelled at him for doing that because it made me uncomfortable.

Which is very hypocritical of me.

Why did it make me so uncomfortable? I cared about Richie. He was my friend. But so many emotions burst out of me whenever he touched me.

"No Richie, I'm sorry." I sighed, taking a moment to collect my thoughts, "what I mean is that you are making me feel these things that I never felt before. And the whole thing just feels uncomfortable."

Richie gave me an odd look then, one I'll never forget. "What kind of things Eds?"

"Eddie," I corrected, trying to focus on his annoying ass instead of my embarrassing feelings.

He raised a brow. Meaning that he sure as hell wasn't going to stop calling me that but wanted me to spill.

So I did. I told him about when I kissed him at the party and my lips had felt all tingly. Hell my whole body had. It felt like I was about to shiver. Then I explained how my body always got so hot, like I felt like I was lava whenever he touched me. It was like one big sickness that I knew Richie was responsible for.

When I had finished, Richie stayed silent for awhile still. He was biting his lip and staring at me. He looked conflicted, like he was hopeful but also scared.

"Eddie," he finally said, "have you ever had a crush before?"

My face really did turn red now. Was he really implying that these feelings that I had were happening because I liked him?? The worst part was, it didn't seem completely off course. I liked Richie. He was my best friend. He was annoying as hell and wore stupid shirts with big ass glasses, but he was also kind of funny and he also always looked out for me. He was smart yet a dumbass.

But was I attracted to him? I had never really thought about that before. I had never really thought of guys like that in general. I mean I had wanted to kiss him at the party. And since forever I have always been jealous of his lanky and tall body. Maybe I could go as far as saying I admired it, I mean I did call him hot at the party.

Fuck.

I did like Richie.

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I know exactly how the next chapter will work cause I was going to make it one chapter but I'm already doubling my usual length. I didn't want to make this book super angsty and more cutsy. Even though I already have 18 chapters of that.

Idk. I'm proud of this chapter, it's probably cause I just napped for two hours and then actually took care of myself. Woohoo self care boysss. It wasn't like I did a face mask or painted my nails or took a bath. I fucking just showered and put on a huge ass sweatshirt and sprayed perfume on myself then ate a mint. I'm thriving.