my lost love

14 January 2020, Tuesday

All that unnecessary drama, hate and judgement. 

It saddens me. It makes me feel empty. It makes me feel sick. 

It is mad.

I hate and love you with passion.

I really simply wish to just keep my emotions on hold and in control. 

But I can't. 

You still matter so much to me. You are always on my mind even if we are apart. 

These emotions are destroying me. Do you know how much I am dying inside? 

You know how much I love to pretend putting on a strong front.

I want to live better and happier. 

All I ever know of is doing my best, showing the best version of myself and that I am better off without you. 

But you don't know how broken I am. 

Do you subconsciously seek out for me just like I do? 

You were the best and my everything I wished for. 

I am learning how to be strong, alone. Without you. 

But I am still scared. Afraid. 

You were my safe home. I trusted you wholeheartedly. 

But I had to lose you to find and love me. 

I grew.

I found better friends, opportunities and I improved myself. I learnt to appreciate everything even more. I learnt that nothing last forever. 

But it still sucks dear. It's tough without you. I still hate it that I can no longer rely on you. 

Do you ever feel the same?