my lost love

Begging Him To Leave

"Once you truly love someone unconditionally, you will never be able to stop loving."

It hurts. It is not easy at all.

I still wished it could have been you, deep down secretly.

But I know there is no turning back. It's over. 

Hence, I sincerely wish that you would be happy without me but I don't think I will ever be able to wish you the best without me.

I realized that you will always be my weakness and my soft spot. 

I can't hide my vulnerability and insecurity in front of you. 

I can't bring myself to scold you. I can't bring myself to stay mad at you. I can't bring myself to hate you. I can't bring myself to give up on you.

I acted like I was fine. I acted like I was mature. 

I pretended that I didn't care. I pretended that it didn't affect me anymore.

But deep down, it was destroying and killing me slowly. 

I was scared. 

I was scared of hurting you further. I was scared that you would be mad. I was scared that you would hate me. I was scared of destroying what we had. I was scared that you would give up on me. 

I thought that I would rather sacrifice my own mental and emotional health just to preserve whatever remaining bond and connection we had left.

I knew it was dumb and pointless but I couldn't help it. 

But I realized that I had to rip out a part of my heart to stay alive.

I was slowly withering away while I tried putting up a strong facade in front of you.

I am getting tired. 

But I really don't know how to give up on you, let go and move on. 

So I decided to be the bad person instead. 

I hate it that I have to be mean and harsh to you.

I can never bring myself to be mean or harsh to you.

But,

I'd rather help you to give up on me first. 

Then maybe,

just maybe, 

I will only be able to give up too.

Sometimes I wonder... why did we have to learn love the hard way?