my lost love

You Taught Me

You really taught me a lot. 

A lot of life lessons which I don't think I would ever learn from anyone else. I am glad it was you.

And I really I hope that I will be able to express all of it here. ((Although I kind of doubt so... IT'S HARD))

It was good during the relationship. 

Although we both knew that you were not the best and was lacking in many areas in our relationship, you taught me how to be vulnerable. 

You taught me how to be more optimistic about life. You taught me how to open up and trust others. You taught me that it's okay to be vulnerable. You taught me to love.

Unfortunately, you left and broke me apart even more. 

I lost the one who was my happiness and the one who helped me to be true to myself when I was around him. 

I don't know about you but I was beyond grateful to know and be with you. 

Each and every second of my life. 

Maybe it didn't seemed like it. We always had our quarrels and arguments. You were always frustrated by me and I was always crying in front of you. 

Eventually, we split and it taught me even more after the relationship. 

If you asked me if I would change anything from the past, I don't think I will. 

Because I know I have gave my all to love you and even if you weren't able to accept it, I want you to be loved wholeheartedly and you deserved it.

Even if it means getting my heart hurt and broken. 

I have a lot of questions. 

Why did you decided to leave me? How did you feel? Why is it that you keep coming back when you have decided to leave? Do you know how much you are hurting me? If you knew, why do you keep doing this? 

Many many more questions which I might never get an honest answer to. 

Honestly, I have given up. I realized that not getting any answer is sometimes the best answer.

So what if you do get an answer? Are you going to trust him again? What are you going to do now? 

Nothing. There is nothing you can do. 

Eventually, you still have to find that answer for yourself. And sometimes, your own decided and assumed answer may help you to make an action more easily. 

I lost my love and my closest friends. I thought I would never trust again. I thought that maybe I just didn't deserved to be loved by anyone. I thought that maybe I was just meant to be alone. 

But I learnt...

I learnt that it was okay to let go of someone who did not match up to my expectations. I learnt that it's okay to think that I deserve better. I learnt how to love myself on my own. I learnt that I didn't need you. I learnt that I am doing even better without you. I learnt that it's pointless to give chances to people who didn't deserved it. I learnt that I can only rely on myself. 

It's so ironic but I realized that I was the one who let myself decided that I wanted you.

To be honest, I have never stopped that decision even till today. I never wanted to leave you.

I wanted to be the one by you forever and always. I wanted to be your light. I wanted to always love you. 

It's crazy but I never thought I would love someone this much. But it wasn't my loss. It was yours. 

Thank you for helping me GROW. 

" 爱你是孤單的心事  多希望你对我诚实 

一直爱着你  用我自己的方式 "