my lost love

My Synopsis

Loneliness and Emptiness,

It is a feeling we all have to get used to. 

It took me time to get used to you, to allow someone into my comfort zone,

But what I did not know is that,

It is even harder to get used to being alone again.

The past 3 months were one of the most chaotic moments of life. 

A break up is nothing compared to it. You will heal. Trust me. 

In summary, I messed up my relationships horribly. 

Got involved with a cheater, lost another precious friend and took a wrong move with my ex.

But I am alright.  

" I needed to LOSE in order to GAIN. "

This was my best takeaway. 

Not everything that ends is a waste or pity.  

What you do not see is what you are gaining in the long term.

It is a long learning and growing process.

I used to let my own insecurities and lack of boundaries consume me.

I make excuses for allowing people to do nasty things to me, 

Which I did not deserved. 

I did not love myself enough.

I majorly fear abandonment and seek for someone to face my fears for me.

When they left, I blamed them. I despised them. 

But what I did not realised was that,

This is MY journey which I needed to face.

No one could ever overcome MY fear for me, other than ME. 

" All these downfalls were just paving my way to what I needed. "

Do not regret the decisions you made in life. Regardless of how wrong it may seemed. 

Have your own values. Make your own judgement. Be responsible for the consequences. Do not regret.

You do not have to do what is "right" just because everyone does so. Someone is definitely going to judge your choice. Just do what feels right to you. No one deserves to determine your life other than yourself.

Just always remember to love yourself. Do not lower your worth for anyone.

My break up taught me to manage my insecurities better.

 My affair taught me to stand my ground better.

Both guys taught me that I deserved better. I learnt that I deserved to be loved the right way by someone else. I learnt how to cherish myself when no one else could.  

My lost friend taught me that not everyone thinks like you, understands and would accept you for being you. 

So please, always remember to love and prioritise yourself. 

No one else should matter as much as you do. 

On a side note, 

You can beg for him to stay. You can miss him. You can think for him. You can do things for him. 

I am not ashamed that I did. Instead, I would tell you I am proud of myself. 

Not because of the thought that I am noble for my sacrifices. 

But because I wanted to. 

I wanted him to be happy. I wanted him to feel warmth and loved. 

And I am glad that at least I tried.