BAD HABIT |Billie Eilish|

Stuff

One week and four days since Billie and I broke up. It was really hard for the first days, I couldn't stop crying and I looked like absolute shit in the school. I skipped all classes I had with Billie and I tried my best to ignore her all the time. 

Things with dad became better, I apologized for my harsh words and we talked everything out. Still I was kinda distant because he was spending way too much time with Mariyka and I didn't want to be anywhere near her. 

I guess it was now that bad because of my friends, they were here for me and thankfully no one tried to talk with me about all that breakup thing and we just had fun. It was hard for them obviously because Isaac and I were zoned out almost all the time. He was dealing with his father's death and he was healing. I was happy to see his smile for the first time in weeks and, I think, Roe was right. Everything will be okay.

I just really need to know when. I hated myself for being sad, Billie and I were together for three months and it's not such a big amount of time to be that sad. But it was painful to see her smile everyday, painful in a good and in a bad way at the same time. I didn't want to see her upset, sad or broken but she looked like nothing happened. She was partying, seeing other girls, joking around at school. I tried to talk to her a few times, I was scared to even look at her and it was a whole fucking torment but she rejected me twice and when I tried one more time it was Mila who said that I'm pathetic and I need to move on. 

I wanted to move on. But I was miserable. I don't even remember when I ate the last time, I didn't have an energy to go downstairs and eat something. I was barely drinking water. It felt like I wanted to sleep all the time and it was hard even to walk for more than ten minutes. I skipped PE classes because I would pass out if I try to run. And it was that class I had with Billie. 

Now I'm trying to eat broccoli because dad just noticed my dark under eye circles and that I lost weight and he prepared some healthy food for me. He thought it was my way to deal with a breakup, to start a new healthy life. Fucking bullshit. 

Roe and Stella offered to go to the forest for a picnic today, since it's pretty warm outside and it's Saturday. I refused when she said me about it yesterday but Stella made me accept an invitation. Not gonna lie, I wanted to go out but I wasn't able to act like I'm okay and also I didn't want to bother any of my friends with my sad bitch mood.

It was 1pm and I was ready for Theo to pick me up. We decided that me, Royce and Atiya go with him and the others with Roe. As I got a notification, I got up from my chair, said goodbye to my dad and headed to the front door. 

"Hi, Tin" Theo smiled and helped me to climb in his car. "What's up?" He asked as he started the car.

"I'm good" I smiled, leaning on the window. "We're kinda late, Roe's there already?"

"Yeah, she just texted and said they're already started a fire" Royce answered, distracting from her phone. "Hey, you look tired. Everything is okay?" I smiled sadly and she sent me a knowing look. 

We were listening to music and talking for the whole ride to the forest and I was on my phone when we approached them so I didn't see what was going on.

"Wait, is it Billie's car?" My heart dropped as Atiya asked that question. No fucking way.

"Yeah, it is" Theo frowned, parking his car next to Roe's one. We all got out and Roe quickly hugged me tightly.

"I'm sorry, I said her we're going on a picnic and she asked if she can come too" She sent me an apologizing look and actually there were nothing for me to do so I just accepted that fact. 

"It's okay" I smiled and hugged Stella and Cyd. 

It was unexpected. I thought I finally could distract from all that situation and I really wanted to go on a picnic with my friends but it was ruined. I noticed Billie, Larsa, Nata and unknown girl near the fire, they were laughing at something and Billie's arms were wrapped around Larsa'a waist.