BAD HABIT |Billie Eilish|

The mountains

"She said what?" I leaned on the bus window, trying to find some right words to explain the whole situation to Liv. We all we going on a school weekend trip to the mountains and that bus was the loudest place in America. "Dude, that's fucking unbelievable"

"I know" I mumbled, pulling my knees up to my chest. "I mean, we're kinda friends still but I feel so stupid. I wish I could go back to that moment when I woke up and just come back to sleep"

I thought everything was getting better, I got a new pacemaker and surgery went pretty well. Except the fact that my rehabilitation was hella painful but at least it was only for one week. And then I came back to my normal life.

I was wrong about everything getting better, it was evening of the day when I had a surgery. Billie stayed with me until I finally woke up and was able to talk properly. I wish I could just punch myself in the face for being such a dumb idiot, I thought we were on our way to get back together but there was one trouble. Billie said that she and Larsa were a thing and Larsa was in a bad place so she couldn't just end things with her because poor girl would be broken. 

It hit pretty hard but I can't say that I was surprised or broken to hear that. It was disappointing that I kinda thought that it might happen. Deeply inside I knew that nothing could go well and I knew that there were something that wouldn't let us fix our relationship. 

She was a few seats behind me and Liv, I heard her jokes and Larsa's giggling. I don't know why but this girl came with us on that trip even if she wasn't going to our school. 

"I saw how she treated you when y'all been together and the way she's acting now it's like two different persons" Liv shoved her hand in my chips package and put a few of them in her mouth. Honestly, I was tired of that type of conversations and also I was super sleepy because we were in that bus for four hours already.

"Yep, I think people are changing" I sighed. "I wanna sleep so bad" 

"It's like one more hour so you can sleep" Liv said, unlocking her phone. She was so calm today, usually she's so extra and I'm kinda glad because I was exhausted.

It was easy to fell asleep, it took me no more than five minutes but also it was so uncomfortable to sleep on the bus seat so when Liv was gently punching my shoulder and I opened my eyes, I was resting on her lap. My annoying habit is that I'm always falling asleep on other people. 

"Let's go, I'm starving" I was like in the clouds because of abrupt waking up. I looked outside and saw a few snowy mountains and one not that big wooden hotel. It was pretty warm outside but I was freezing for no reason and I put on my beanie before we left the bus and headed inside. 

Liv and Roe helped me with my bags because I still couldn't do it by myself and I was thankful. They were spending a lot of time with me the last days and it was a lot easier to have them by my side. Billie wanted to come over and help too but I asked Roe to tell her that it's okay and I don't need any help. She still wanted to come and then I just had to call her myself and explain everything. 

She didn't want to make Larsa feel used but that was okay to tell me to wait until that girl gets better so they could stop whatever they have. Yeah, I'm a fucking loyal dog when it comes to Billie and she definitely crossed the line. I asked her to stay friends and keep it like that because I didn't want to lose her as a friend. We were so close before we started dating and I still love her so I just wanted to have her by my side. 

Unfortunately, we could talk only in school because Larsa said her that she doesn't want me and Billie to talk. And the worst part, Billie asked me to sneak out every time we gonna to talk. Like, yeah, that's absolutely what I wanted.