BAD HABIT |Billie Eilish|

Promise

Smell of the flowers hit my nostrils as I rubbed my eyes before opening them. I could say it was pretty early because it was sunrise behind the window and I barely could see my room. I got up on my elbows and looked around, all my bedroom was full of flower bouquets. I frowned, not understanding at all, because it was really early. 

"Baby" I flinched as I heard her voice next to my bed. I didn't even notice that Billie was there. "I'm so sorry, I can't even explain how sorry I am"

I stared at her speechless. My heard began beat faster than ever before, I blinked as few times and I couldn't stop looking at Billie. She was like little puppy, sitting on my floor with puffy eyes and red from crying cheeks. She put her hands on the edge of my bed and squeezed my bed sheets. 

"Please, don't be silent. Yell at me or slap me. Please, do something, Tinley" Her voice cracked as she swallow loudly and pressed her forehead to the bed, breaking our eyes contact. "Please"

"You must have a serious headache" I said quietly in a husky morning voice. Billie raised her head quickly and stared at me in surprise.

"What?" 

"You were wasted yesterday, so I guess you have a headache now. I'll bring some water and painkillers" I threw my blanket away and her gaze drifted to my right hand. 

"No, wait, I don't give a fuck about headache" She gently grabbed my left hand and I sat on the edge of my bed. "I'm so sorry" Billie softly rubbed my right hand with a plaster on it. "You had to break my neck after I did that to you. I hate myself for everything I did" 

"Stop it, Billie. You were wasted and you didn't control yourself. Don't blame yourself, please" I rubbed her hand. "I'll bring some water and painkillers, okay? Rest on my bed, I don't want you to be exhausted later" I headed to the door. "And, Billie, thank you for the flowers, I love it" She smiled sadly, still staying on the floor.

I closed the door and exhaled, biting my lower lip. It was really hard to be in the same room with my own girlfriend. I hated that she had such a big impact on me and I just couldn't do something that might upset her in any way possible. And these flowers, she brought all my favorite and I can't even imagine how much she spent on it. 

I ran downstairs and grabbed a water bottle and ibuprofen because she must be in pain and I can't handle it. I spent a few more minutes in the kitchen so I could calmed myself down a little bit. It took me everything to collect myself and come back to my bedroom.

When I opened the door Billie was sitting on my bed, playing with her fingers. My heart ached as I saw how broken she looked and I felt guilty. Billie is a strong person, she's tough and shit and it was weird to see her that much vulnerable. 

"Here, drink some water and painkillers" I sat next to her, handing her a bottle and a package of pills. I met with her gaze. "Billie, I don't think that we have to talk about everything right now" I whispered, sighing loudly. 

"Do you want to break up with me?" 

"I don't want to" I licked my lips and closed my eyes, staring at the floor. "But what is the point of keeping it?" I felt her eyes on me, I that she was crying, I felt how bad her hands were shaking. "Tell me something that would convince me that you'll never do that again"

"I can't guarantee you that. I'm not a perfect girlfriend but you make me a better person. I'm still learning" I closed my eyes and bit my lower lip as I heard her sobs. 

"You're learning? And what about me? You're strong and you probably were in a relationships with strong persons before but I'm not. I am weak. And if you can handle cheating and lying, I'm sorry, I can't. I'm afraid that after a few months or years you'll decide to lie to me again and do some shit like that again. Just please try to understand. I am weak and vulnerable all the time. You're my weakness. And please if you know that you are able to hurt me really bad in the future, break up with me now" Tears were running down my cheeks.