I Blame Wattpad for My High Expectations of Men

Chapter 75 - Will you ever be able to forgive me?

~Summer of 2024 – The Second Time She Left~

~Ace Rivers's Point of View~

        I stare at the door before me. The love of my life walked out of that door fifteen minutes ago, and I've yet to tear my gaze away from it.

        This can't be happening.

        How is any of this even possible?

        There has to be some kind of explanation. I mean, she didn't reenter my life for a brief moment, just to vanish out of it again...the universe can't be that cruel, right? So, what is the meaning of all of this? Is this some shit that I'm supposed to reflect on? I don't know, but I'll give it a go.

         I try to think about what life was like before her and besides Riley, the Williams and a few select memories I've had here and there, things were simply just fine. Then I think about life during her, and I start smiling like a fucking lunatic. But when the period that followed her surfaces, everything is both chaotic and a complete blur all at once.

        During those six months of my restless fight, I remember sitting on the edge of our bed back in LA with the door locked. The curtains were always drawn and the lights off. Call of Duty would sit in the Xbox, but the controller remained on the floor, right beneath the spot where I nearly punched the wall in my own frustration not once but several times. The only reason the hole was never actually produced was because I still had hope that she'd come back.

        The aftermath of my lost battle, however, was anything but silent. I started blasting music so loud, that none of the neighbors could hear my cries. My hair was always a mess with me constantly running my hands through it. I'd reread our last texts and replay our last conversations in my head so often that I soon had them memorized, all while thinking she'll never take me back.

        And despite all the adventures we'd been on and all the celebrations that took place, there were still so many things we never got to do...like take that family trip to Italy and France, write our own book together rather than separately, get married and have a least four kids for crying out loud...But instead, look where we ended up today: another separation, another tearful goodbye, and another foreshadowing period of pretending to be okay just to keep myself from falling apart all over again. 

        Because let me tell you, missing her came in waves, and three nights ago -having seen her behind that pool bar after three years- I was drowning. We had that small exchange in the hotel lobby bar, if you could even call it that, and the last thing I remember is getting drunk off my ass. It was 2:00 am and I took about seventeen mixed shots of tequila and Hennessey just trying to forget her name but the only name I forgot was mine, and sober or drunk, she was still the only thing on my mind. Not the fact that some dumb ass reporter could possibly get a shot of me drinking my sorrows away, not the fact that I was scheduled to marry someone else in just a few short days, just her and those beautiful brown eyes that I've always loved getting lost in so much. I didn't think it'd be possible for her to get even more beautiful, but I was clearly proven wrong that day.

        Then there was that dreadful interview.

        Sitting so close to her, but not being able to touch her. Having to hear about my future plans with someone else, when the only person I wanted to be spending it with was her. And don't even get me started on what happened afterwards, namely my lovesick ass being just seconds away from kissing the life out of her when I caged that gorgeous face in between my arms. We tried to hide our feelings, but in that moment, we forgot that our eyes speak. And I could've sworn that hers were just begging me to do it, and I would've, had it been under different circumstances. I was so close to destroying us both, being too far gone to even care, but the only thing that stopped me was the act of being loyal. I had never promised Vivien -or Addison, or whatever the fuck she goes by now- love, but I had promised her loyalty. Some fucked up agreement that was.