idk man, it got long
Billie Joe. Man-made robot. Programmed to make music. Well, rock music.
Billie was paired to a human bassist and a human drummer. Billie was programmed to sing and play guitar. However, it made the humans it was paired with always angry, somehow.
"No, Billie, look, you are supposed to come in here, not the opening," Mike, the human bassist, said, pointing at the papers.
"I am sorry, shall we try again?" Billie asked. For a robot, he sounded pretty human. The humans just rolled their eyes and agreed.
~~~<insert green day song>~~~
"nO, BILLIE! THE PART HAS YOU PLAYING ON THE 5TH FRET OF THE LOW E STRING, NOT THE 6TH FRET OF THE FUCKING A STRING!" Mike yelled at the robot.
"I am sorry, this does not seem to be my guitar though. Where is the guitar I am paired with?" Billie asked.
"Billie, that is your ONLY guitar. You should be paired with that one," Tré said, putting his drum sticks down.
"No, it is not. My guitar is coded as Blue. This one is coded as Blue_2. The neck is 0.2 inches longer and 0.3 inches wider. I am not programmed for those measurements," Billie said.
"If you're programmed to that guitar, shouldn't you be able to track it or something? I mean you are a $9,000 robot, you should be able to track a fucking guitar," Mike said, placing his bass down.
"I am able to track Blue down, but it takes my processor's power. I would not be able to reach it unless a human carried me to it," Billie said, placing down Blue_2.
"I'm not carrying it, Mike, you do it," Tré said, raising his hands in surrender. Mike rolled his eyes and turned to the robot.
"Fuck this shit. Track Blue down," he said lifting the robot. It didn't have a metal exterior, but a soft, skin-like one, and it grossed Mike out when he lifted it.
"Exit the building and head to the left," Billie said, sounding more like a GPS than a person. Mike lifted the robot so it was basically on a piggyback ride. Tré just followed, ready to grab the guitar.
"Go for 200 feet then make a right," Billie said.
"I don't fucking know how far 200 feet is, just tell me when to turn," Mike said, looking for the spot to turn. Suddenly, Billie kicked him in the side.
"What the fu-" Mike started.
"Turn here," Billie said, ignoring the fact it caused Mike pain. But it was a robot, of course, it didn't care. Mike turned and they continued the walk to, Mike's house?
"Oh, ho ho, seems the missing guitar was tracked to Sire Mike's home, do you wanna explain?" Tré said, trying not to crack up.
"What- if it was here, why the fuck did we need to walk 5 miles?!" Mike said. He put Billie down and walked up to his front door.
"Your use of profanities suggests you are annoyed, try relaxing, such as; read a calming book, taking a nap, petting a cat or dog," the robot recited. Mike only rolled his eyes and proceeded to unlock the door.
"So, how do you think Billie Joe's guitar ended up here?" Tré asked, following carefully.
"Probably from when I had him practice with me, goddamnit, I'm such an idiot."
"Hey, no, Mike, you aren't an idiot, I swear," Tré said, slinging his arm around Mike.
"And now, you may kiss the groom," Billie said, walking behind the two.
"What?" Mike asked. Tré shared a confused look with him.
"According to my research about friends, one could say that to two of their friends if they assume they are dating, you two are dating, am I correct?" Billie asked, its head clicking to the side. Both Mike and Tré blushed and glanced at each other.
"No-" Tré said quickly, trying to avoid any further questions from the robot.
"One other question, would you humans consider Billie a friend?" Billie asked, speaking in third person. It was programmed to speak in third person when it asks questions about itself.
"Yes, whatever, if it'll make you shut up," Mike said, grabbing the guitar from his home studio. The robot gave an awkward smile and clapped its hands once.
"What's with that smile?" Tré asked, grabbing chips from Mike's kitchen.
"Humans smile and clap when they are eccentric, aren't I supposed to feel eccentric that I am your friend?" Billie said.
"Oh- yeahhh, uh, tone the smile down a bit and, uh, I'm sure you're doing good at learning human stuff, you'll fit in just fine," Tré said, forcing a soft smile.
"Don't hype up the robot, we can't have its processors take that," Mike said, taking a chip from Tré.
"Is Billie an 'it' and not a 'he'?" Billie asked, tilting its head again.
"I didn't mean it like that-" Mike started.
"Billie thought humans used pronouns, not 'it'," Billie said, remaining still.
"Ok, fine, from now on, we'll refer to Billie as 'he', better?" Mike said. Tré nodded in approval and Billie smiled his awkward smile and did his single hand clap. Mike reached for another chip and his hand was smacked away.
"Hey! I paid for those-" Mike said, earning a playful glare from his friend.
"Are Mike and Tré sure they do not date each other? I sense strong emotional connections between you both," Billie said.
"Know what, fuck this, Tré, there is a chance I like you," Mike said, looking at Tré.
"Mayhaps there is a chance I like you too," Tré said, blushing a little. Mike smiled hugely and hugged the shorter.
"And now, you may kiss the groom," Billie recited.
YOU ARE READING
Green Day One Shots (Mostly Millie) {FINISHED}
FanfictionTitle, bro ( all requests are closed as of 4/15/21 ) 21,995 words total , about 1.25 hours to read for anyone curious :-)
