A LOVE FOUND

CHAPTER NINE: SILENDIRENA29

CHAPTER NINE: SILENDIRENA29

Matagal kaming natahimik sa loob ng sasakyan bago siya muling nagsalita.

"I really... really wanna know you more, Cath." Hindi ako nagsalita. Nanatili sa labas ng bintana ang tingin ko.

"Gusto mo bang malaman kung bakit akala ko ikaw si Silendirena29?" I remained silent.

"Because that's what I imagined her to be based from her words that I read. At that moment, nong nakita kita sa loob ng office- I really thought it's you. Hindi ko rin alam but the moment our eyes met, akala ko talaga ikaw siya."

"Why are you so obsess about Silendirena29?" Hindi ko napigilang itanong. Pres told me na hindi lang iisang beses siyang nagrequest na malaman ang details about kay Silendirena29.

"I'm a fan." His answer didn't reach me. Hindi ako naniniwala. May ibang fans si Silendirena29 na hindi naman kagaya niya. When they were told that Silendirena29's identity is a secret - wala ng nagtanong. Not like him who keeps on prying.

"Just that? Give me enough reason that will convince me para sabihin sayo kung sino talaga si Silendirena29."

"You will really tell me who she is?" Lumingon ako sa kaniya. His eyes were almost shining. He really wanna know her that bad? What an idiot. He will only be disappointed.

"Convince me first."

Tumikhim siya bago nagsalita. "She was the reason why I loved reading. I am just a typical boy back then - basketball is life. Tamad mag-aral, mabagal magbasa. Mas gustong hawakan ang bola kesa libro. And then one time, I received a book from my classmate sa Monito/Monita. Actually at first, hindi ko talaga siya binuksan. Hindi ko binuklat. Pero nong minsan na bumabagyo tapos hindi ako makalaro, I have no choice but to read her book. And that was one of the rarest moment that I cried. And then nong kumalma 'yong bagyo I just found myself in the store looking for more books written by her tapos noong wala akong makita sa mga bookstore na napuntahan ko, I asked my classmate and she told me may app ang Book Club nyo. From there I became her fan." He took a glimpse at me and smile before saying, "The end."

"You have no idea how her stories affect me. Minsan nga pakiramdam ko para akong babae e. She was also the one who inspires me to draw. 'Yong mga unforgettable scene sa story niya, I can't help but draw them. My first dream really was to draw the book cover of her story. One of the reason why I joined the Club, unfortunately, wala na pala siya."

"Naisip mo ba na dapat hindi ka na lang sumali?" Itinigil niya ang sasakyan sa harap ng gate namin at humarap siya sakin.

"Not really. The two Jeboy's company was fun. Charmel was very approachable and Prescilla was very kind. And you.. there's something in you that I really want to know you more. Like if I didn't see you in a day I would die. You're taking my breath away, Cath. Really." My heart twist for unknown reason. That sound like a confession but why does it hurt like this? Why can't I believe him? Parang ang hirap maniwala.

"Maybe because you thought I am Silendirena29?" Nagkibit-balikat siya. Napalunok ako dahil parang may bumabara sa lalamunan ko.

"Sabi nina Noah, you hate the young writers in school na nagpapasa ng story nila every end of the month kasi daw walang puso? Totoo ba 'yon?" He asked trying to change the topic. His reaction only confirms one thing- he is only interested in me and all because he really thought I am Silendirena29. The hell.

Tumango ako sa kaniya. "Paano kung nagiging judgemental ka lang pala?"

"Try to read them then," paghahamon ko sa kaniya and he just laughed.

"Not to offend you pero-" He looks hesitated so I motioned him to continue. If it is something offending then I won't talk to him ever again.

"Baka magalit ka," he worriedly ask me. I shook my head. "Go on,"

"I tried to read your story." Pinakiramdaman niya ang reaksyon ko. What is he going to say, bakit ba hindi na lang niya diretsahin?

"For me, wala rin namang puso. Kulang rin sa emosyon, Cath. The only thing I love about your work is the lesson. The lesson you are trying to teach your readers. I have read all your stories and at the every end I would ask myself, 'Ano kayang pinagdadaanan mo?'. Magaling ka lang ba talaga magsulat that's why napapatanong ako ng ganon or the girl behind your every story is you?" Natahimik ako. I am lost for words. Paano ko siya sasagutin kung hindi naman siya nagtatanong? When he is stating those words as if he was sure.

"Sabi mo, writing is not your passion, it's just a hobby. A habit. To what, Cath? To escape the reality?" Naninikip ang dibdib ko kaya mabilis kong hinagilap ang door handle para lumabas. Mukhang nagulat ata siya kaya nakapag-doorbell na ako bago pa siya makalabas.

"Cath, you can tell me your worries. Pwede mo kong pagsabihan ng mga hinaing mo sa mundo. You can tell me anything you want. Anything that is bothering you."

"Why would I?" Walang gana kong tanong sa kaniya.

"Who are you anyway to act like this Mr. Villazarde? Whether I am a problematic child or a suicide case- that's out of your problem." Natigilan siya sa sagot ko and I felt guilty for a little while.

There's nothing really to felt guilty about. I took deep breaths to calm my heart and to convince myself. It's my life and he's out of it. He must not talk as if he knows me well. He must not talk as if he knows me more than I know myself.

"Anak," narinig ko ang boses ni Tatay sa malayo. Tiningnan ko si James ng mariin. I had to bit my lip hard before talking dahil naiiyak ako. And it sucks that I don't know the reason why. I can't accept the reason why.

"Don't you also have any problems you want to run away from? Some things you have done in the past that you regret?"

"Tell me yours, Mr. Villazarde and I will tell you mine."