Never Going Back Again

68. The Sound Of His Voice

It was later that night; when everybody was settled for bed that Stevie made her way to her room to finally put herself to bed.

The house was almost clean, but she was tired, not to mention a little buzzed and all she wanted was her bed.

Stella had gotten bored once her friends left, but remained flowing around with Fleetwood Mac, her aunts and uncles, her parents---though at separate times since they weren't speaking once again. Soon after Stella went to bed so did Will and Leelee and it was close to morning by the time they did decide to sleep.

And now being three in the morning, Stevie was. done for the night, but ready to take whatever the next day held.

Surprisingly, everybody was very sweet and courteous to Stevie and Lindsey and their decision to keep their children a secret. To the ordinary parents, they found it quite inspiring only because most parents did flaunt their children for extra publicity. Even though they hid their kids for fifteen years, plus their twenty year marriage---it was a huge publicity stunt, even it wasn't the idea. But people were talking about them more often than not especially since it went on for so long.

After washing her face and getting her hair combed out, she wiggled out of her dress---the only time she was really wishing for Lindsey to be there because it was difficult to unzip. Eventually she managed, then she slipped into one of her silk nighties and finally got to her bed. Her headspace was a little off so it took her a moment to get comfortable, but she finally settled under the covers and she shut her eyes. But at the same time, her mind easily wandered back to Lindsey and their fight in the bedroom.

All night his words pissed her off and that is what made her want to drink, but then she knew she couldn't let that get the best of her so she stopped drinking and controlled herself in front of all the people there. She kept her distance from him, but she kept to herself the rest of the night---other than the times she had to be involved for Stella; taking pictures, helping her cut the cake and just being the best mom she could be in front of all the strangers, their friends and family.

When she did think back, she swiped her hair back and she curled to her side---just wanting every thought that was eating her to leave her alone. All she could hear was different conversations; moments of the two of them and overall, his voice.

"You're only upset because you didn't know..."

"Oh, my God," she got up and she walked over to her cassette player and she just turned it on, letting it play from wherever it was to try and drown the sound of her husband's voice out.

It wasn't so much that his voice was bothering her, but it was the fact that he may have been right.

All those years that she was stressing about him having an affair, she was nervous. The whole time she did stress, nothing happened, but the moment she let her guard down, it happened and he was right, she never knew and the whole truth was, she never did truly want to know. Now that she did, it just made her ache.

And when she did think back to that particular sentence, maybe he was right. Maybe her animosity was coming from the fact that she didn't know when she had been expecting it. It angered her to know that it happened right under her nose and certain moments of time; awkward conversations, perhaps tension and even nonverbal communication, but body language---it definitely made sense now. Especially Lindsey acting out and disrespecting her at times in the late '80s.

Came later morning, close to four a.m. did Stevie finally find herself passed out for the night---the music still going lightly.

~

When it was Leelee's wake up call at eight in the morning, she ventured to her mom's room after washing up.

She noticed the stereo still on, though the machine not playing music---her mother laying in a very twisted, yet sprawled position on her stomach and side of her face while mostly on top of the covers. The bathroom light peered in lightly against the dark curtains in the room, as well.