NANNY FOR MENDES.

Fifteen

I spend the rest of the day in Bear's room. I thought about Mom, Dad, how their relationship was destroyed, how my life has been shitty for last 6 years. I've been crying for an hour now, since 7 PM.

Shawn just disappeared in his room. He only got out to get his food. He even ate in his room. I wasn't hungry so I didn't eat.

But now, I am kinda hungry. Kinda.

I get out of Boo's room to the kitchen. I put myself some food on a plate and go sit on the couch in the living room.

I turn on the TV. I shuffle through the channels, finding nothing to watch. Until eventually, a music channel is in front of me.

You've got to be kidding me. Even the TV is mocking me. Good Enough by Cimorelli is on.

I just put the plate on the coffee table. I'm not hungry anymore. Not that I was that hungry.
I pull my knees on the couch and hug them. Crying. Sobbing, actually. My arms are shaking. It's too much sometimes, honestly.

"Are you okay?" I hear Shawn say. In front of me.

I just shake my head, sobbing, my arms shaking.

He sits down next me. He brushes his hand over my arm. His touch does something to me. Even when I'm this upset, I can feel it.

And then, he pulls me to him, hugging me tightly.
I fist his t-shirt, crying even more, harder.

It feels so good to be in his arms. So. Fucking. Good.
It's warm. It's calm.

I keep looking at the clock on the wall, thinking.
I've been in his arms for 15 minutes.

I pull back, eventually. But he pulls me back in.
And I'm back in his arms.

"I need this as much as you do."

I just nod.

15 minutes later, I pull back and he let me.

"What happened?" He says, softly.

"Nothing."

"Oh come on. Stop with this bullshit."

"Please, Shawn."

"A few weeks ago, I opened up to you. I trusted you. I felt comfortable talking to you. Why don't you?"

"It's not that easy to open up. It takes a lot of courage. I don't have that kind of courage."

"You're courageous, Soph."

"The hell I am."

"Just tell me what's wrong?"

"Nothing Shawn. Nothing. It's just that my life is fucking shitty."

"Tell me."

"You really want to listen?"

He nods.

"I don't want you to look at me as your son's pathetic nanny."

"You're not serious, right? I cried in front of you Soph. I poured it all out. If anything, I don't want 𝘺𝘰𝘶 to think of as your pathetic boss."

"Okay, then."

**********************
𝓢𝓲𝔁 𝓨𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓼 𝓐𝓰𝓸....

I'm doing my homework, when all of a sudden, I hear someone scream.

I go towards Mom and Dad's room. I can hear yelling from outside.

"No! NO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!" Mom screamed.

"Calm the fuck down. Sophia is in her room. Let's not let her listen."

"OH MY GOD! THAT'S ALL YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT? LET HER LISTEN! LET HER KNOW THAT HER DAD IS AN ASSHOLE WHO WANTS TO LEAVE HER MOTHER FOR A TWENTY-TWO-YEAR-OLD!"

And then I heard a slap. Dad slapped Mom.
That's when I start crying.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M LEAVING WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT! AND YES I HAVE BEEN HAVING AN AFFAIR FOR A WHILE NOW. WE'RE GETTING FUCKING DIVORCED!"

And then Dad opened the door and was shocked when he saw me.

"Were you just eavesdropping?"

"N-no!"

He shook his head and left. I heard the front door slam.

I walk into their room. Mom is crying. Screaming. I just take her in my arms.

***********************
"Oh my God. He's an asshole, Soph."

"I know. And I haven't seen him since."

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be."

He pulls into his arms again.

"He left her Shawn. They'd been together for 20 years before he left her. And since that fight, she's been.... Let's just say she hasn't been herself since then. We fought last night. I hate seeing her like this. She always looks sad. She got drunk all weekend.

"And that's why I know exactly what Raul is going through. He hates that you and Christina got divorced. He hates the back-and-forth between your house and hers. He's young, it won't hit him now. But I know what he feels, because no matter how old you are, it always hurts. However long it'll have been since your parents' divorce, it'll always hurt the same."

"I'm sorry, Soph. I really am." He says, kissing my hair. "I've been an ass to you. And for that I'm sorry. And also, I've been so consumed by my own shit that I didn't notice that something is off with you. And for that, I'm sorry, too."

I pull back.

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"How are you feeling now?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean."

"I'm fine."

"Shawn, please. I just poured my heart out to you. And I know you better than you think. Last time when Raul left, you were in a terrible state. And please don't build up the walls now. I can see you're trying to. You were being yourself when you hugged me. When you told me you were sorry. When you even asked me if I was okay when you saw me cry. It's okay not to be okay. And it's okay to show your real self to people."

He nods.

"I feel awful. This boy is the only constant in my life. When Christina and I were over, I doubted every relationship I have with everyone. I was scared Noah would hurt me too and we wouldn't be friends anymore. I even doubted my relationship with my family!

"I need him more than he needs me, Soph. He keeps my mind off of the shit I'm going through."

"I know. He keeps 𝘮𝘺 mind off of the shit I'm going through."

He smiles at my comment.

"I gotta go."

"I'll drive you."

*****************
Shawn drove me to my house. We said our goodnights and I left his car.

When I get inside the house, my Mom is sitting on the couch, staring at nothing.