NANNY FOR MENDES.

Fifty-three

I wake up this morning feeling very shitty. Adam is the reason of course. Fuck him. So fucking much. I fucking hate him. A lot. Ugh. I'm really really angry. And upset. Fuck!

It's Tuesday, which means it's officially my 15th week working at Shawn's. Wow. It doesn't feel that long though. I absolutely love working there. It's not everyday that you get to see the man you love at work.

I get out of bed, shower and get dressed. I brush my hair, tie it in a simple ponytail and wear perfume.
I take my purse and phone on my way downstairs.

"Good morning, Mom. Good morning, Julien."

"Bonjour, chérie." Julien says.

"Morning honey." Mom says.

"I'm going to work. Bye."

"Breakfast?" Mom asks me as I'm opening the door.

"Don't worry. Oh. By the way. Shawn veut vous voir. Vous deux." (Shawn wants to see you. You two.)

And I leave.

********************************************
"Good morning." I greet Shawn as I step into his house.

"Good morning."

I get into the kitchen, looking for coffee. When I don't find any, I take Shawn's cup out of his hand and drink it. He looks at me, confused.

"I needed caffeine." I shrug.

"It's okay. But... is everything alright?"

"Yes." I say too quickly.

"Spit it out, Soph. What is it?"

I'm just gonna say it.

"Let's sit down first please." I take his hand and drag him to the living room.

"Just promise me you won't freak out, okay?"

"You're making me worried, Soph."

"Adam was outside my house when I came back home."

"WHAT?!"

"Shhh. Calm down." I say, putting a finger over his mouth. That takes him off-guard but he recovers quickly.

"What was he doing there?"

"He came asking me to get back together with him. Absolutely fucking not."

"That son of a bitch. Why didn't you call me, Soph?"

"In the middle of night, Shawn?"

"I don't care." He shrugs.

"How could you have left Bear anyway?"

"Damn it! Why didn't you call me afterwards?"

"I didn't want to disturb you."

He runs a hand through his hair.

"Shawn, it's fine, really."

"No, it's not." He sighs.

"Are you mad at me?"

"No. I'm mad for you."

"I regret telling you."

"No. You have to tell me when such things happen. Understood?"

I nod. "Yes, sir." I tease him.

He smiles and shakes his head. "I'm going to work Soph. Bye."

************************************************
At around 2 PM, Shawn called me, asking me to pack Raul's bag because he'll go to Christina's. Peter, the chauffeur, came at 2:25 to take Raul to Shawn's company and I called him to tell him.

It's 5 PM now. Shawn comes back with Noah today. He looks angry. Very angry, may I say.

"Are you o—"

"I'm fine." He cut me off, angrily.

I look at Noah. He looks....disturbed? What the hell is wrong with them?

I look at Shawn again?

"Shawn. Is this about Adam?"

No answer.

"Shawn. It's okay. I dealt with it."

He goes to his bedroom and I follow him.

"Shawn. I'm talking to you."

No fucking answer.

"Sh—"

"JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" And he slams his bedroom door.

He just fucking yelled at me. With Noah in the apartment. He definitely heard this.

Tears start pouring down my cheeks.

I just go back to the living room. Noah is here when I step in.

He spreads his arms open and I go into his arms. I need a friend's hug right now.

"Why is he like that Noah? I'm just asking about him."

"Today was a bad day."

I sigh. That's when Shawn steps into the living room.

I pull back and look at Shawn. I stand up, cross my arms and say: "You know you could always talk to me about anything instead of just yelling. Right?" I yell, harshly.

"I mean....you're angry. I get it but that doesn't mean that you pull it all out on me. I'm tired of this back-and-forth. I'm tired. I'm fed up! I though Mean Shawn Mode was on for a while and that's it. And that Kind Shawn is the one that's really in here"— I put my hand over his heart—"but obviously not. Obviously, Mean Shawn is the dominant here and Kind Shawn is gone now, after being here for a while. Damn it, Mendes! I fucking hate the back-and-forth. I'm done with it."

"I'm leaving you guys." Noah says.

"Bye Noah." I say.

Shawn just sighs, put his hands on his waist and looks at the ceiling.

"I'm sorry."

"Act like you are and I'll accept the apology."

"Look Soph. I'm tired of this back-and-forth too. I just.... Let's talk."

He takes my hand and we sit on the couch.

"Christina came to my company today."

"So? I thought you were over her."

"I am. But she wasn't alone.... the guy....you know she left me for was with her."

"What? How dare them!"

"Yes. I was really angry. And I started comparing myself with him. What was he better in? Why would she leave me for him? What did he have that I didn't?"

"You are everything he isn't. You have everything he doesn't. You're so much better than him."

"How would you know that? You didn't even see the guy."

"I'd know because no man compares to you. You're Shawn freaking Mendes. The Shawn Mendes."

"That's ridiculously. She still cheated on me despite me being the Shawn Mendes."

"And also because he obviously knew she left you for him. His coming today to your company is just a proof. And the fact that he was in your company today when she cheated on you with him? This just proves he's a fucking dog. And a man who takes someone else's girl is a fucking piece of shit. Okay? Stop being so insecure! You're good. You're way too good Mendes!"

For a moment, we're silent and all I hear is his breathing.

"Okay, Soph. Okay. Thank you." He kisses my cheek.
Butterflies run through my stomach. My whole body.

Shawn Mendes, I love you.