Like Buttons On A Shirt

Chapter 16

I left the hospital about two hours later.
After mums story we got back to not talking and just looked out the window together. I was sad that I couldn't take her out today. The weather was so nice that we should have been out for a walk, like we used to do when I was still younger. But my mum was still to weak for anything like that so we just admired nature from inside.

I didnt want to leave her but there was nothing else I could do. She was treated very well here and in ways I could never do myself at home. Even though her days were numbered I was still grateful that she was taken care of in a hospital.

I left that building and thought about what my mother had said while walking to the nearest supermarket.
I still didn't understand how someone could actively manipulate his life to make it worse but objectively speaking it made sense. If those feelings were really their place of safety then it's hard to leave that behind.
That meant that I had to work extra hard to help Gerard.

But did I really want to help him?
I mean... of course I dont want him to feel bad and everything hut I hardly know that guy and if it wasn't for the money I probably wouldn't even know about him.
I really want sure what my intentions were.
I didn't even know where to start!

Did I want him to leave the house again? And then what? Therapy? Getting along with his family.
Those are all things that would be great, for sure, but nothing I could actually achieve, right?
After all I'm just another servant. And swearing and being honest doesn't make me to somebody unlike the others!

All those things were going through my head as I walked along the streets of our town. I didnt know what to do with myself. I didnt want to go home but endlessly strolling through the streets until the weekend was over wasnt an option either.
Luckily I found a little art store not even too far from my apartment.

Weird... I've never noticed it being there before. Well probably because I am as interested in art as I am in rocket science. Not at all.
But I had promised myself to get something nice for Gerard so I went inside.

I've never been inside of an art store before but I could tell that it smelled like an art store is supposed to smell. There was a hint of strong chemicals probably being used to mix the paints or to remove them and it also reminded me of the chalk my teachers used in school. Kind of musty and very very dry.

It took some time to get used to that strong smell and being able to breathe properly.
Oh Lord...
Where the fuck should I start?
The walls were plastered with empty canvases on top of large long shelves full of crayons, tubes of paint and palettes of all sorts and sizes. For the first time in my life I wished that i had gotten into art and not music when I was younger. Because even though I didnt know anything about drawing and couldn't even hold a brush if my life depended on it, I was kind of excited seeing all the different materials and colours.
Imagine how excited I would have been if art was my passion.

Gerard would love it here.

And again I am thinking about him.
Of course, because I was only here because of him. Still it was kind of putting me off that my mind went to the black eyed-pale man again.

"May I help you, Sir?"
The female voice suddenly talking to me startled me a little and it took me a few second to actually find the woman that voice belonged to.
Between a huge shelf of different notebooks and a smaller one with quite a few drawers, was a tiny counter with a woman behind it.
She was pretty large for a woman. Way taller than me and more on the chubby side with ebony hair that went down to her shoulders. She wasnt exactly pretty but something about her just gave me a very soothing vibe. She was the kind of woman you would tell your whole life story to, without even knowing why.

"Uhm... yeah I guess", I said after I realized that i was practically staring at her without doing anything.
God... she probably thought I was a creep already.

But even if she though I was she didn't show that. Instead she gave me a nice -kinda crooked- smile and asked: "well what can I help you with?"

"I'm looking for some art stuff", I said.

"Then I have some good news for you because we actually sell quite a bit", she giggled.
Okay, maybe I am stupid sometimes.

I shook my head to get rid of that startled feeling her sudden greeting had left inside and tried to give her a nice smile back.
"Uh yeah, of course. Sorry! I mean... I'm not sure what exactly I am looking for. Its supposed to be a present for... a friend"
Calling Gerard my friend really felt weird.
But I couldn't just say "yeah theres this mentally I'll dude I'm looking after and hes supposed to be into art and I'm trying to give him a little fun or something."

"A present... okay", she said, "what kind of art does your friend like? Does he have any preferred materials he likes to work with?"

"I dont know", I admitted, "I really dont know anything about art and I also dont really know that friend too well. Actually I've only known him for a week because I am working for him and it's not really a present more of a try to get him to do something other than lay in bed all day being depressed as fuck, you know?"

Okay shit...
Remember how I said that this woman had something about her that makes you want to tell her your whole life story?
Before I could even think about it I had started rambling about everything.

What's next?

Should I tell her about my mothers cancer and how my father died when I was a child so she could find the perfect sketchbook to go with a tragic backstory?

She didnt seem to be surprised about me telling her more than she asked for. She was probably already used to her costumers doing that.
Like I said... theres just something about her.

"Well I might gave something for you", she smiled and went around the smaller shelf into a smaller room right next to the counter.

I waited where I was for a few moments.
Suddenly she stuck her head back into the room and asked: "are you coming with me or nah?"

Oh she wanted me to follow her!

"Oh I'm sorry I thought i was supposed to wait here...", I murmured and followed her behind the counter.

She giggled again.
"No worries.
I'm Jessy by the way!"
She stuck her hand out for me to shake

"Frank", i said, "Nice to meet you"
And then I shook her hand.