Like Buttons On A Shirt

Chapter 39

*A/N*

So... we have almost reached the end of "like buttons on a shirt".

There will only be this chapter and the epilogue.

I hope you're not too sad about this story ending. I just feel like it's a good time to move on :)

Enjoy your chapter.
I will upload all of the last parts today. You already got the two smut parts and now the last two non-smut parts.

Enjoy! I love you all!

~

The Tornado didnt destroy my life that night.
But ny words did.

"I love you", I said to Gerard and couldn't hold back my smile because I felt like now that those words were out there was nothing between us anymore. I had already planned everything through. Gerard would say that he loved me too and I would quit my job and move into the Way mansion where I could live with the love of my life for the rest of my life.

But my plan required one single thing:
Gerard loving me back.

"W-WHAT?!", he exclaimed.

But he didn't love me back.

"I love you, Gerard", I repeated again, hoping that he was just taken aback and would still confess to me on a second.
He didnt.

"What?! How I mean?! Why would you say that now?!", he yelped and scurried back in bed.

"I-I just thought it was a good time to say that. I mean we just had sex"

"Yes we did. But why would that... what? Take it back right now!"

I was confused.
"Why would I do that?", I asked.

"Because then you wouldn't ruin every-fucking-thing! Fuck... what are you even thinking?"

"I-I just thought you love me back! You said that you wanted to fuck me since the first time we met!"

"Yes that's true but that doesn't mean I'm in love with you! What the fuck, Frank. Seriously. What am I supposed to say now?"

"Just say that you love me back!", I begged.
I didnt want to accept that I had misinterpreted everything that badly.

"But I dont, Frank. I dont love you like that. Fuck...", he sighed and got up. I could hear him grab his clothes and get dressed again.
Suddenly I felt way too vulnerable for my own liking. I wish I could get dressed too but Gerard was blocking the way and I felt like touching him would not be the best idea.

"But... you kissed me and even let me fuck you right now. You wouldn't do that if you didnt have feelings for me."

"Frank... were adults. We can kiss and fuck without feelings getting involved. I... I never even THOUGHT about love getting into this. I... how could you even... ugh"

He sighed in a way that let me know that he was more than done.
And suddenly I felt a stinging pain through my whole body.
So that's what it feels like to have your heart broken...

"I'm sorry, Gerard.", I tried.

"Dont.", he said, "like... help me out here. What did you think would happen now? I confess to you and live happily ever after? Frank... you literally work for me. This... the sex already made it complicated enough but love? That's impossible, Frank. You understand that, right?"

I nodded because I didnt want to admit that this is actually what I imagined would happen.
Why am I so fucking stupid?  I didnt answer because I felt like I would cry if I said anything.

"Frank... I'm sorry but... this whole thing was stupid from the start. We... I dont know", Gerard sighed.

There was more shifting and shuffling and I asked myself if this was over now.
Not only the conversation, or the storm, or the night.
But my whole life.

How am I supposed to keep working with and for Gerard after this?
If he didnt throw me out right away I would have to quit myself. I don't think I could stay with him and see him every day knowing that I just embarrassed myself like that.

Gerard didnt say anything else to me that night. And I didn't say anything to him either.
And that's how I spent the rest of the night.
Laying in the dark.
Alone.

I didnt know if Gerard slept, but I sure didn't.

~

The next morning things were just as awkward as they were last night.
A nurse woke us up and told us that we were free to go if we wanted to.
Her voice made it clear that we didnt have a choice but should go joke immediately.

I'd didnt know if Gerard called Pete or his brother or something. I didnt care. I would walk home.
I didn't even say goodbye to my mother. I just made sure that she had gotten through the night alright.
Seeing her now would only make me more emotional and I didnt want to show Gerard how much he had actually hurt me.

We didn't say goodbye.
I just waited a few steps away from him until a familiar looking car pulled up and Gerard got in. I still wanted him to get home safe.

The whole walk back home I could only think about last night.
Gerard was right. I fucking ruined everything.
Because after some debates with myself I came to the conclusion that there was no way for me to keep working there. And that would mean that I would lose the best source of income I have ever had and ever will have.

I walked past Jessy's art shop which made everything worse.
How could I have been so stupid? I even got him this stupid fucking present. What was i thinking?

It seemed like Jessy wasn't unaffected by the storm. A tree was sticking through the huge window in the side of the road. The strong wind must have pushed it over.
In comparison to that my problem seemed like a joke. A broken heart was nothing compared to a broken shop window.
But on the other hand... the window couk be replaced easily.

I decided to get back here as soon as possible in the hopes of seeing Jessy and check up on her. I hoped she was okay.

I kept walking slowly.

And when I came home - back in my own, small and crappy apartment - I write an official termination.
After a whole evening of hesitation and a lot of beer I sent said termination to Mrs. Way.

The next day I called Pete. He offered to pick me up but I declined. I really didnt want to go back there.
I asked him to go to my room, or send Melanie or somebody else there to gather all my belongings and bring them to me.
He didnt ask questions. He probably already knew what was going on knowing that Gerard and Pete were closer than I thought they were. Or at least they were once close.

I bet they fucked.
I bet Gerard let Pete fuck him too. Just for fucking fun.
But apparently Pete was smart enough not to catch feelings.

And this is how my journey alongside of Gerard ended. With a stupid fight over stupid feelings and stupid sex.
The termination went through without a problem. Neither Mrs. Way nor anybody else called or asked for an explanation. I just got a letter of confirmation a few days later.
And a few weeks later the hospital called me to let me know that all of my mothers medical bills - present and future - would be taken care of by a Mr. Michael Way.

I tried to get in touch with him to at least thank him, but I was a little too late.
Through the newspapers I found out that he was long back in France to take over his father's company there.
The papers never talked about Gerard.

And so that morning in front of the hospital was the last time I've seen him. And the night before I've said my last words to him.

That is how it went.
Very uneventful and probably boring, I know.
But that is life. Sometimes one little thing is enough to erase people from your life forever. Even if it was just an "I love you" at the wrong time.
It doesn't take much to break a heart and end a relationship like this. 

But when it came to Gerard and me, "forever" lasted exactly 10 and a half years.