Like Buttons On A Shirt

Chapter 21

Gerard offering to call him by his first name shouldn't get me as excited as it did.
But my heart almost seemed to explode at that.
It almost felt like I was having a small heart attack. That's how it must feel when your heart skips a beat. I've never felt it before and I have to admit that this feeling kind of made me sick. Physically.

But after the sick feeling was gone, it was replaced by something entirely different. The fact that Gerard liked my present so much he stopped being rude for like... a few seconds made my stomache feel funny.
And my heart pound super fast.
Oh lord...

I noticed that I was breathing heavily and the empty tray in my hands was shaking a little. As fast as I could I brought it back to the kitchen, fortunately without running into any of the others. I could tell that I was blushing. I just had to. My face felt like it was on fire.

I couldn't go back like that to Gerard or else he would notice that his words and actions meant more to me than they should. Also I didnt want to seem thirsty rushing back into his room. I wasnt a stalker or anything.

And just as I was thinking that I felt stupid. I was hired to look after him, thus being with him as much as possible. By now I probably spent way too little time with him in general. It was my job after all and I wasn't paid little for it.
Still I decided to take a cold shower first. I was still hot and maybe even a little sweaty. Also I missed the shower here way too much.

So I took a shower and tried not to think how Gerard was literally only a few feet away from me. His bed was right on the other side of the wall on my left.
He probably heard the water running.
He probably knew I was in the shower.
And suddenly I couldn't help but ask myself if the sound of the water made him think of me in the shower.
I asked myself if he was picturing me naked and all wet while lying in his bed.

I got hard.
Fuck.

You know that feeling when you realised that maybe somebody was right about your feelings and you just didnt want to admit it?
Yeah... maybe I had to admit to myself that MAYBE I had a small crush on Gerard.
Just maybe.
But who could blame me?
He was hot, that's for sure. A little rude and depressed but besides that... just my type.

But I wanst stupid. I knew that giving into the crush and allowing any sort of unholy thoughts would put my job in serious danger.
Luckily I knew how to deal with an unrequited crush. Growing up not-straight just kind of brings that with it, you know?

I quicky quickly finished off my shower by turning the water even colder, getting rid of my little... problem down there and hot dressed again. With still wet hair I got back into Gerards room.
The Curtains were still open so I could see the black haired man very well.
He was still going through his art supplies, putting them in an order he liked best. He had taken out some pencils and the sketchbook ready to start a drawing.

"Do you need anything for that?", I asked pointing at the sketchbook.
Gersrd thought for a second then said: "yeah maybe a cup of water in case I want to work with the paints already. Could you fetch it for me please?"

Did Gerard just say 'please'? Without me having to ask for it?
O...okay that was kind of weird but a pleasant surprise. He didnt even seem to notice so I didnt say anything in case it would make him feel embarrassed or something. He probably wanted to keep up his mean and hard persona and it was not the time to ruin it just now.

I quickly left to get the water Gerard asked for and when I came back he had a wooden tool on his lap that he could use like a little table. What a smart invention.
I got the chair from his desk without asking for it first. He was still focusing in the art stuff so I decided to test my luck.

"So... do you want to listen to music or watch a movie while drawing?", I asked as I sat down next to his bed.
I was sure to keep a little distance to the bed but i was still close enough to see what he was drawing when I leaned back a little.

"I'm good", he shrugged.
It seemed like he was already invested in the whole thing. He opened the sketchbook and seemingly tested out different pencils.

"Oh okay", I simply said and leaned back to watch him draw a few lines on the blank paper, writing a few numbers under each line.

"What are the numbers for?", I asked.
"I'm swatching the pencils and I want to know which pencil creates which type and thickness of a line so I write the number of each pencil under the line. You know?", he explained.
"Ah yeah I understand", I said.
But I didnt. I didnt really know what that was good for or what even was the point in doing that but hey... I could always pretend.

Gerard shifted in his bed and now I couldn't see the sketchbook anymore. So I leaned back even further until the back of the chair pressed into my side in a way it almost hurt.

Gerard seemed to notice.
"Can you maybe try not to act like a fucking clown? You dont have to watch me the whole time", he said.
Okay, sassy Gerard was back.
Oh how I missed that.

"But I wouldn't know what else to do", I admitted, "I dont want to just sit here and stare into the air for an hour until you're done with the drawing"

"Who said it was only gonna take an hour?", Gerard asked and a mean grin appeared on his face. "You were the one insiting on watching me. Live with it"

I blinked a few times and let out a frustrated groan which even made Gerard giggle a little. The sound made my heart skip another beat.
I wondered how his laugh would sound like.

I sighed.
And I sighed again.
And after that I sighed again but louder.
"You can turn on the TV if you want to", Gerard offered after another sigh and I couldn't help but smile.

"You have a TV in here?", I asked excitedly.

Gerard nodded.
"Almost all the rooms have TVs in them. Get up to the wall over there and push the wood a little back then the TV should appear"
He pointed one of the pencils into the direction of the opposite wall.

I got up and walked over there and there really was a rectangular shape carved into the wood. I tried what Gerard had told me and pushed the wood back and really... the mechanism pusher the wood all the way to the back replacing it with a massive LED Flatscreen.

"Whoa", I gasped. I had never seen such a huge TV before. Not even in the electronic stores on the high end part of the city I used to work in as a teenager.

Still in awe I went back to my chair.

"Hold on", Gerard said and opened his nightstand. He rummaged through the chaos in there and finally pulled out a remote control.
Wait... did I just see condoms at the bottom left?

Yeah I definitely saw them and Gerard knew because as fast as he could he slammed the drawer shut and practically threw the remote at me.
"Here now watch TV", he stuttered and got back to the drawing.
He tried to hide it but I saw the blush on his face.

It's cute how Gerard was embarrassed by the condoms in his drawer when he was 25-year old adult with every right to have sex.
Better safe than sorry, right?

I actually wanted to comment on the little plastic packages in his drawer but decided to leave it for now. Knowing that it made Gerard flustered gave me the opportunity to use that to my advantage. And I had to keep that advantage for when I really needed it.
So I leaned back and turned on the TV.
Again I was impressed by how huge it was. And the images were so clear that this couldn't have been simple HD.

Now I just needed to pick something to watch.