Like Buttons On A Shirt

Chaptet 26

Tricky situations are like bandaids. You have to get through them quickly and without thinking about it too much. Otherwise it would just hurt more.

At least that's what I told myself when I was standing in front of Gerards door the next morning, a breakfast tray in hands.
I had been putting this moment off for a few hours.
After I eventually fell asleep in the early morning hours I tried to oversleep as badly as possible. You know... so I could have an excuse for not seeing Gerard.
But after laying awake for many more hours I decided that I couldn't act like this. I wasnt a child anymore and neither was Gerard. I couldn't just not see him ever again. It was my job to look after him.

So around lunchtime I got myself out of bed and went to the kitchen to eat something myself.
Patrick had already put away the breakfast stuff and instead prepared a huge bowl of soup and some freshly baked bread on the side of the kitchen.

"Hey Patrick", I said when I saw the ginger cook standing in front of the counter cutting a huge loaf into tinier pieces. The bread was still hot and it made my mouth water.

"Oh hey Frank!", he greeted me cheerfully.
He put down the knife and cleaned his hands with his apron. Then he took a basket and threw the freshly cut pieces into it.
"How are you? You're pretty late, I haven't seen you around for breakfast"

"Yeah", I admitted, "I kinda over slept."

"Happens to the best of us", he smiled at me.

I took a bowl and filled it with soup. Then I took a few pieces of bread and went over to one of the empty counters.
"Why dont you sit in the dining room?", Patrick asked. He started filling up another bowl.
"I think Pete is on his lunch break there. Why dont you go over?"

"Eh...", I started, "I dont feel like seeing anyone today to be honest"

Patrick nodded thoughtfully.
"I get that. Sometimes you just need to be alone I guess. Is Gerard getting on your nerves again?"

I almost choked hearing his name so unexpectedly.
Patrick seemed to notice and gave me a worried look.
Oh dear...

"You could... you could say that. Well kinda... but not the way you would think", I admitted.
I kind of wanted to tell Patrick about what happened. I've never been good at keeping secrets and now having one as huge as this...
It was killing me that I couldn't tell anyone. I really could use some help sorting my thoughts about all this.
But things like this could easily get me fired and with a family as known as the Ways it would turn into a scandal. And then I could say goodbye to every job I would ever apply to.

"I meant to say... hes complicated", I just said before Patrick could ask any question.
He seemed to sense that I didnt want to talk about it and just went on with filling soup into bowls and cutting bread.

I really liked Patrick. He washt as complicated as some other people in the house. If I had to talk to Pete he wouldn't leave me alone just like that.

I quickly finished my food and started to prepare something for Gerard. I kinda felt bad because I practically made him skip breakfast even though I would always tell him that it's super important.
But hey... everything could be breakfast if it was you first meal of the day right?

Of course I didnt forget to pour him a cup of coffee. In my opinion it didnt go well with soup at all but I knew that Gerard just needed his coffee.

And that's how I ended up here. In front of his door philosophing about how life is like a band aid.

I decided to just rip it off and knocked on the door. Again I didnt wait for an answer and just went inside.
I tried to put on a cheerful smile and said: "Good morning, Gerard!"

I was surprised to see him sitting up instead of still sleeping.
I hope that he hadn't been awake for too long.
He was leaning over his sketchbook.
That really made me a little happier, seeing him work with what I had given him.

"You're late", he growled.
All the joy I had felt a few seconds ago had vanished. So he wasnt in a good mood... fucking great.

"Yeah I'm sorry... I over slept", I said and put his tray on the nightstand.
"You're not supposed to oversleep. You're at work".
His tone was still rather mean and it made my stomach drop. 
"I'm sorry. It wont happen again."
"I sure hope so"

I asked myself if he was acting up like this because of what happened yesterday night. But then again... we promised each other to forget what had happened. And if I could do it then he could do it too. He had no right to be like this.

"I got you some soup and bread. It's very delicious. Patrick really outdid himself on the bread. You have to try it"

"Im not hungry", he just said.

Why was he acting like that? I thought we'd been though the 'I'm super mean to the guy that works here so he will quit and leave me alone'-phase.

I sighed.
"Listen Gerard... if it's about what happened then...-", I started but he interrupted me right away.
"NOTHING happened.", he hissed.

So it was about yesterday...
Of course. Why would things be easy for once?

I sighed again and sat down on the bed. Gerard gave me a sour look but didbt say anything.
"Look Gerard... right now I dont know what your problem is. Did I piss you off? Did I hurt your feelings or something? Because if I did then I am sorry. I would like to make it better but I cant do that if you're not telling me what your problem is. I want to work with you. I like you and I care about you so it would be a shame if something like a kiss would ruin that for us."

"It wasn't just a kiss. It was a full on make-out session.", he said.
"That's true but doesn't change what I just said. So what is it that is bothering you?"

"The problem is that one second you tell me that I should do what I need to do and once I DO do that it's wrong."

"When I said that I meant that you should just talk to me or anyone. Or... i dont know... drink some tea and light a candle. Or take a bath. Not KISS me!", I argued.

"Oh really? Well you should have clarified that."
Gerard folded his arms in front of his chest and actually started pouting.

This was going to be way harder than I thought.