Like Buttons On A Shirt

Chapter 23

Yeah, I wasn't surprised to hear Gerard cry again. After his mood switched so fast I was kind of expecting something like that.
What did surprise me, were the feelings that this made me feel.

Last time I was very confused, maybe even slightly annoyed because it disturbed my own night but this time was different. Hearing Gerard cry... hurt me.
Knowing that he himself was so sad and frustrated to the point of crying really triggered something inside of me. And again I had to ask myself if Pete was right when he said that I like Gerard.
Maybe i did have a crush on him. He was hot so who could blame me. I am just a man with needs, dont judge me.

I debated whether I should go over and comfort him like I did last time.
And when the crying went on after 10 minutes I decided that I couldn't just lay here and do nothing. Also last time didnt go too bad so what did I have to lose?

This time i didnt hesitated before knocking on his door. I didnt wait for him to answer the door either but just went inside.
As soon as I opened the door the crying stopped.

"Gerard?", I asked as I got into the room. Of course it was dark as fuck so i took out my phone again.
He didn't answer but I could hear sniffing coming from his bed. So I went over there.

"What happened? Is everything okay?", I asked as I approached the bed. Again there was no answer but the shuffling got louder and it sounded like he was trying to hold his breath. Probably to keep himself from breaking into another cry.

With the light coming from my phone display I got to the bed rather fast and as I expected I found a shaking Gerard under the covers. He was sitting up and I decided to just sit down on the edge of the bed. I didn't think that he would mind so I didn't ask for permission.

"How about I turn on the little lamp on the nightstand so I can see better and you tell me what's up?", I suggested and waited for him to nod. He didn't but he didnt shake his head either.
I couldn't really just sit here and have my phone in hands the whole time so I just turned the lamp on anyway. The light coming from it wasnt really that helpful. Gerard was still in the shadows and most of the room was dark but well... it was the best I could get right now.

"Why are you crying?", I asked after Gerard still didnt make an effort to explain anything. I mean... I couldn't blame him. I probably wouldn't want to talk either.

"Listen Gerard... theres no need to be embarrassed or something. I just thought I'd check up on you because I can kinda hear you from next door so... you probably dont want to talk to me and I totally get that but I am a pretty good listener... at least some people say so. So if you wanna talk then you can talk or i could just stay here and keep...-"

I knew i was rambling but I didnt know what else to do.
Gerard however had a special way of shutting me up.
Right in the middle of my sentence he lunges forward and threw his arms around my waist and his head against my chest. A loud sob escaped his mouth.
Now he couldn't hold back anymore. He started full on crying again still holding onto me, hugging me and pressing his head against my chest. It almost felt like he was holding onto, scared to fall of the bed.
His body was shaking terribly but I was so surprised about his sudden outburst that I just froze for a few seconds.

What the actual fuck.
Did I get this right?
It's the middle of the fucking night and instead of being in bed sleeping I am cradling a crying Gerard Way like a baby.
Yeah... that's about right.

But there's no time to overthink how weird this situation was. Gerard was clearly not okay and just needed someone to hold on to.
I slowly wrapped my own arms around him and started patting his back. First a little hesitant and kinda... helpless but soon I found a good rythm that went with the shaking of his body and I could rub his back.

I just let him stay there in my arms until the shaking stopped and his crying got a little less intense.
He kept this position a little longer before pulling away slowly.
I couldn't help but miss the feeling of his warm body in my arms as soon as he got back.

"Do... do you feel better?", I stuttered. My face was probably just as red as his.

He nodded.
"Thank you", he whispered.
I almost wasn't sure if I heard that right, that's how quietly he was speaking.

"Sure thing", I said.

For a while none of us said anything. The silence was almost deafening.

I felt super awkward and I knew Gerard felt the same.

"Do you wanna talk about it?", I asked.

"About what?", he quickly asked back.

"About why you were crying.", i said.

"No i dont want to"

"But this is not the first time you've been crying at night."

"And it wont be the last, so what's you point?"

"My point is", I said, "that it can't go on like this. You need to talk to someone. Maybe even a professional. This isn't normal"

"Are you calling me crazy?", Gerard asked and I could see a dangerous glint in his eyes.

"No, I'm just saying that you need help. Everybody here knows that you're not feeling well and what happened just now proved that. If it even needed proof. You lay in bed all day and cry at night."

"I dont want to talk to someon", he said.

"I know... I know... but you NEED to. I had fun today and I know that you did too but then... I still dont know what happened with you but it was fast and honestly pretty scary."

Gerard was silent for a moment.
"I enjoyed drawing today", he said.
And even though I was kind of frustrated about Gerards moodchanges I was proud that I had given him a little joy with my box.

"That's great", I said softly and suddenly I wanted to hold his hand that was laying close to my thigh. I just wanted to grab it and pull him in my lap to hug him again. But of course I didnt. That would be even more unprofessional that anything that already happened.

"This is super awkward, isn't it?", he suddenly asked and looked down to his lap.

"Maybe", I admitted, "but it was something you needed and honestly... you should listen to your needs more often"
Maybe if he did that he would notice that he did need to talk to someone. And maybe that would help him open up. 

He suddenly looked up, right into my eyes. But this time was different. He still had this dangerous look in his eyes, but this time it was mixed with determination and... what I could only describe as lust.
And I would have to lie if I said that that didnt turn me on to the max.

"Its already awkward...", he murmured.

I nodded and gulped as he slowly came closer.
"Yeah... I already said that"

Gerard nodded slowly and came even closer. And before I could do, or say anything he lead forward and pressed his lips onto mine