Raw [Vkook]

39: Oatmeal Recovery

Unsteady - X Ambassadors

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It was the middle of the night when Jimin began to feel how empty his stomach truly was after days of nearly staving himself. He didn't want to leave while Joshua was asleep on their FaceTime call in case he would wake up, but his stomach growled so uncomfortably painful like it has been for the past few days.

He can't keep doing this to himself.

Coach already scolded him lacking his running during during practice, he has to eat. Sadly he can't take his phone with him since it's actually dying.

He wouldn't wake up right now..... Right?

It'll be quick after all...

So with the little dignity he had left, he left his phone on the bed while it was charging, letting his eyes stare at Joshua's sleeping face through the FaceTime call and creaks out of bed and out his room. He made sure to not make the loudest of noises to not wake him up until he quietly closed the door shut behind him once he made it out, letting out almost a sigh of relief before he walks casually to the kitchen and turns the lights on.

Jimin decided to make himself something quick for his grumbling stomach, which was easy.

Oatmeal.

So he heated up the milk on a pot and waited until it got warm. In the small midst of this his mind began to whirl to nothing but emptiness, just like how his heart feels.

Empty.

It sucks really... Feeling so numb yet so much pain at once, filled with this sense of paranoia that no matter where he goes it will always result with pain.

No one will respect him.

No one will care.

And that's okay.... That's perfectly okay.

Maybe he just doesn't deserve happiness as many other people do. Maybe this reality check is what he needed for him to realize that he doesn't truly matter to this world. More so himself.

Jimin caused this upon himself, and he deserves it.

He deserves to feel empty, knowing people feel disgusted with his presence.

It's that type of feeling of being in a cage but with the door open. You don't want to get out. You know the horrors that awaits outside so you stay in these comforting four walls, convincing yourself it's safer here.

When in reality that's where the most danger lies under.

Now, in this moment, Jimin doesn't care anymore. If he were to die tomorrow than that would be a beautiful serendipity, the best thing that can ever happen to him actually. Maybe then he wouldn't feel so hopeless.

The eyes people give him now only fills him with paranoia. They're saying how easy he is, he knows it. They're taunting him to look at them. A little peak. If only they knew with just a little peak was enough to have hell weigh down his shoulders.

Perhaps he should stop being nice?

Stop being so friendly to others?

Then they wouldn't think he's a whore, right?

They won't look at him like..... Like he does-

"Jimin?"

The male snaps himself out of his own torturous thoughts, looking up to see Yeosang standing by the entrance of the kitchen, leaning against the wall for support with a twitchy hand on his stomach, staring at Jimin with an odd expression on his face.

Almost instinctively Jimin's heart raced in anxiety, avoiding making eye contact with him as he focused on putting the oats in the milk and lowering down the fire, "I see you're walking, that's good."

The younger studies him with his eyes before only humming lowly and walks past by him, subconsciously a bit too close since the space in the kitchen is small, and that instantly made Jimin jolt forward to put more space between them. Yeosang seemed to not have noticed this as he opens the fridge and grabs a water bottle.

"Yeah, I'm getting better," He mutters as he closes the fridge, noticing how tense Jimin is as he moves the oatmeal, "Sorry if I've been too loud. Withdrawals aren't so... Pleasant."

Now this drift Jimin's mind away from his dark thoughts as he looks at the younger, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "Withdrawals?"

Yeosang raises a slowly eyebrow and nods, almost expectedly, "Yeah, cocaine.... Anyways, thanks for checking up on me whenever your boyfriend didn't have a leash on you."

To this Jimin instantly grew defensive, feeling almost like a chain wrapping around his throat by how hard it clenched in panic, "T-That never happened, okay? Don't ever mention it again. Jungkook and Taehyung took c-care of you."

The quiver that followed Jimin's voice, along with the small nag of hysteria growing behind his eyes were like red flags in Yeosang's mind. He began to run over multiple questions in his head but he knew better than to talk to Jimin about these topics, it's almost pointless if he's this anxious by just a simple conversation.

One day, but not today.

"Okay," He drags slightly and rolls his eyes, "Well, have a good night," And once again he passed by him and this time didn't fail to notice the way Jimin's breath hitched when their shoulders nearly collided.

Jimin is screaming on the inside, trying to pry off those horrid thoughts from his head as Yeosang sends him a cautious look before going back to Jungkook's bedroom. From there Jimin let out a heavy breath that followed by him rubbing the faint scars on his wrist. He shrugs off the panic down and instantly poured his oatmeal in a bowl, holding his tears inside as he grabs a spoon and quickly goes back to his room.

Hoping Joshua didn't wake up.

Unfortunately life isn't always on his side because when he arrived back, Joshua was already staring back at the camera with a deep frown.

Oh please have mercy.

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A/N:

It's....... It's very hard for me to write about Jimin's situation, a lot. I personally connect to it a lot and it makes me feel very emotional....

Let's see what happens, yeah?

I promise to put Taekook scenes next chapter, this is just an insider to what's going on with Jimin.

I PURPLE YOU! <33