Raw [Vkook]

52: Recovering isn't easy

Everything I Wanted - Billie Eilish

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"Why is she obsessed with him?"

"Because he asked her for marriage by accident."

"But if she sees that the guy clearly isn't interested, can't she just... Let him be?"

Jimin breathes heavily, moving his annoyed eyes to the clearly smug boy beside him, "If you finish the movie than you will see what happens after rather than ask so many questions!"

At the moment Jimin and Yeosang are spending their Friday night watching the Corpse Bride. It has developed a bit of the habit between the two to watch a movie every night, well after the night Yoongi left. Jimin felt himself get a another panic attack episode while being in his room and walked out to see Yeosang moving annoyedly on the couch, unable to sleep. It was quite an awkward exchange between the two at first since they barely speak to each other but after settling on perhaps watching a movie, it began to ease down the tension.

Days pass by and when the sun sets became what they look forward to the most.

Jimin has grown more vocal with Yeosang, still keeping his slight distance since he's still not exactly comfortable being around people. Their conversations don't extend out to deep ones, it only stays on the surface, the type to not make Jimin think too hard about in that way his anxiety doesn't start running up.

It's strange really, being able to smile again for a split moment and not think so negatively about it. Yeosang just has that bold aura that his bluntness ccan sometimes be amusing to listen to, especially when it comes to his nonexistent love for Taehyung.

Slowly Jimin has begin to feel comfortable enough to last more than an hour around another presence that wasn't his brother. It's quite relieving how being around Yeosang makes him forget about the horrors that his ex boyfriend engraved in his head, just for a mere second.

However that doesn't mean the insomnia and panic attacks has stopped, especially when he gets a notification from his email. Jimin has tried blocking the email address so all of Joshua's messages go to spam, but Jimin's inner demon also gnaws to take a peek.

It never ends, as much as he tries to avoid it.

Even now as him and Yeosang watch the movie, Jimin couldn't help himself from slowly reaching into his phone with an anxious pounding of his heart. He knows he shouldn't do this to himself, that it will continue to only cause him so much pain.

Maybe that's what he wants.

A reminder why he shouldn't be here with Yeosang right now; laughing or making comments about the movie. A reminder that he shouldn't be happy. That he deserves pain.

That he deserves feeling like he's nothing but a doll to someone's eyes.

And before Jimin was able to stop himself, he clicks on his emails and goes to the spam section.

Oh God.

There's newer emails from him.

15 newer messages.

Jimin's lips wobbled, feeling that familiar squeeze on his chest as he click on one of them.

"Please Jimin. I really do love you, I just want to apologize to you."

Why doesn't he give up already!

"I'm here at a party and I just wish you were here with me. I know how you like dancing so much."

"Give me the chance to speak my end. Please, I promise I won't hurt you."

Jimin feels the burn of his eyes of the familiar tears as the phone practically shakes on his hands now. Seeing multiple of those messages definitely hit the agenda because Jimin was already on his feet and storming to his room, unable to be around Yeosang without feeling disgusted-