iz*One, ITZY, TWICE and NIZIU cracks and oneshots

Author's CUT * Iz*One's Crackheads

"I am Eunbi, the leader of this group."
"I'm Sakura Miyawaki, the imagen of the group the eldest and 1/3 of J-Lines"
"I am Hyewon Kang, the shy rapper."
"I am Choi Yena, 1/3 of JoYuriz, a human duck"
"I am Chayeon the feather woman and the human dancing machine."
"I am Kim Chaewon, the human angel and 2/3 of JoYuriz."
"My name is Kim Minju, the frog princess , the human Llama who sounds like a monkey and 1/4 of 01z gang."
"I am Nako Yabuki, the smallest idol to exist and 2/4 of the 01z gang."
"The name's Hitomi Honda, the human bread and the japanese dancing machine, 3/3 and j-line's maknae and the 3/4 of the 01z gang."
"I am Yuri Jo, 3/3 of JoYuriz, the human karaoke, 4/4 and the youngest of 01z gang."
"I am Yujin Ahn, 1/2 of annyeongz and the cutest human dog that you'll ever see!"
"And i am Wonyoung Jang aka Victoria, the giant maknae who is born to be a center!"
"Geez wonyoung, you should say 2/2 of annyeongz."
Eunbi facepalmed.
"I told you kids not to say anything stupid! We should sound formal!"
"What gives?" Sakura asked.
*sighs* "You dorks are hopeless, really." Then she rubs her hands on her face in disappointment.
"Eunbi-nim looks upset today, i wonder why?"
"Bitch if you guys fixed your introduction then we might killed this. Remember this is a documentary." Hyewon said.
"Bitch it was you who started it." Sakura said.
"Hey Chaewon." Hyewon greeted.
"Excuse me?" Then chaewon pokes Hyewon. "I'm here."
"Not you, Chae-wrong." Then she pointed on the closet where i am currently standing.
"Hey author-nim!" Wonyoung greeted. "You're looking fresh these past few days, eh?"
"Not really" then waves her hair.
"Here she is again, displaying her new hair--" *ze pinch Chaewon*
"So what have you been up to?"
"Preparing for our own documentary series." Eunbi replied. "But they're not giving a proper introduction."
"*sighs* Trying so hard to make money for the management that you're working with while they're choking you to head."
"Author-nim." Eunbi suddenly glared. "Watch your mouth."
"But its true." Hitomi added. "Our management owed us a lot of money but they still didn't extend our contracts like how they extend the quarantine on some other part of asia, so much hate." Then she rolled her eyes.
"Geez, i didn't expect that coming.. from you." Chaewon said. "Your days of holding pilates must have taught you to be more snarky and savage."
"By the way author-nim, what happened to your short hair? And why do you look fresh today?" Chaeyeon asked, shifting the attention.
"Author-nim always looks fresh, duh!" Sakura protested.
"Her boobs isnt saggy anymore. It was standing still." Then nako pokes at it.
*ze blushed* "N-Nako.."
"Ehhh!!? Author-nimmu? Kawaii!!" Hitomi said then pinches her cheek. "I didn't know that you look cute when you're fixed."
"Fixed?" Then pushed both of the japanese away from me. "What do you think of me? A re-modeled Toyota?"
"No.." Minju said. "What she means is, you having a make over. You look fresh. Look, you almost got Yujin drooling over you."
"Whatever, she looks like Chaewon." Hyewon commented.
"I AM NOT!" Me and Chaewon said in unison then stared at each other and looks away. "Hmpf!"
"Seriously author-nim, you look like a young and sweet teenager compared to your normal old lady-like looks." Eunbi complimented.
"Tch, stop the bluffing and fake compliments you all! That isnt why i came here for!"
"Wait i just noticed.." Sakura said then leans closer to me. "You sound a little younger.. and you look so young.." then slaps me. "WHO ARE YOU!? YOU MUST BE CHAEWON'S UNNAMED SISTER WHO WAS BORN IN 1994?!"
"Excuse me but my sister is in the broadway." Chaewon answered.
"Or she must be Chaewon!" Minju said then looks closer at me.
"There's only one chaewon in this world and that will only be me!"
"Park Chaewon says Hi, bitch." I said.
"Whatever, who are you? Impostor!" Then chaewon pointed a lighstick on me.
"Is it possible that she's chaewon from the alternate world like what author-nim usually writes?" Eunbi asked.
"Well, if it is then why the heck her nose is so damn pointy?" Hitomi replied. "Chaewon-unnie is a flat nosed."
"You don't have to say that."
"And her face is a little bigger compared to unnie." Wonyoung said. "But she do look a little of Author-nim."
*sighs*
I slapped all of them except Nako.
"She is author-nim." Yujin cried. "She didn't slapped nako."
"But doesnt she look so young? I mean she looks like twenty three but you can tell that she's young, i mean look at her!" Yena said.
"Young lady can you sing?" Yuri asked.
Slaps Yuri again.
"Based on your flexes, you can dance." Chaeyeon said.
*slaps them again, except nako*
"Author-nim, i thought i was your favorite!" Sakura cried.
"Lady.." Nako pokes me. "Are you the real author-nim?"
"Yes."
"Tell us what's your name then?" Hyewon asked then smirks.
"Why should i tell you freaks? Don't pretend you didn't know Kwangbae, you're always stalking my facebook and making fun of my selfies." *ze hits Hyewon with a lightstick.
"So okay, to explain myself. I am the author-nim, the saggy author-nim, the perverted author-nim and the author-nim who is so done with all of your shenaningans!"
"She is author-nim!" All of them said in unison. *facepalmed*
"I really had no idea why did i woke up like this. This was my superior appearance way back in early 2014s."
"So this was you in 2014? How old are you back then?
"16?"
"That means.."
All of them smirked at me.
"No.. i don't like what you're all thinking.. Really.."
"We're older than you!" Then they pinches me.
"Stop murdering and molesting my face and nose!" Then pushed them one by one.
"Killjoy." Yujin said.
I wiped my shirt and face. "Okay to tell you the truth, i'm here because--"
"Look guys." Then hyewon showed a picture of Me. "This is Author-nim. But when you flip it backwards" then flips the picture backwards. "She's Kim Chaewon."
"STOP!!!" Both of us said in unison.
"Do you expect us to listen? You're just a kid!" Yena said. "We're so done with you bossing around."
"Yena has a point!" Yuri added. "You're always bossing us around! Just because you're the brain and older." Then she leans closer to me and pinned me with her fingers. "Guess what kiddo, we're older so you have to be a good girl!"
"No! I am still older than--" *sniffs* "You all.."
"Cute." Wonyoung said in monotone.
"I AM NOT CUTE!"
"Geez, teenage author-nim was way tsundere-er--"
*hits Hitomi with a lighstick*
"I prefer the teenage author-nim than the old hag saggy nim." Chaeyeon.
"Eunbi, these girls are bullying me! Do something!" I commanded.
"Geez author-nim, even if you're in your normal age, i am still older than you so STOP BEING A BRAT!" Eunbi cried.
I suddenly stopped and became mute.
"She's gonna cry." Nako said.
"I am not!!" I protested. "You're all just a bunch of stupid adults!"
"Excuse me?" Wonyoung and Yujin said in unison.
"Chill out Author-nim." Then sakura pinches my nose. "Why are you here by the way? We're so not used on seeing you as a Kid. Well you don't look much like a kid but seriously, you're a kid."
I clap to get their attention. "Children, Children"
"The audacity of calling us Children when she was a brat herself." Minju said.
"Okay, i came here because i conducted an interview in our country earlier. About what question should they--"
*inserts Iz*One members who isn't listening + Cricket's sounds."
"W-well, okay then.. You're all not going to see me anymore! Bah Feli--"
All of them pulled me closer then hugs me. "What is it again Baby author-nim? Such a cute girl. Throwing tantrums and sulking." Hyewon teased.
"Y-you're choking m-me.."
then pushed them away. "Ahem, well i garnered such question from your fans here on PH and there's a lot of things that they want to ask you. May i remind you that we're live and a lot of WIZONES are watching ya all. Not everyone can tolerate your dorkiness. Ahem, let's start!"
"Now she's talking like the REAL author-nim." Eunbi said.
"For the first question" then i grab an index card from my pocket. "For Kik-- wait a second..." then stares at them and looks keenly. I noticed Sakura's compulsive sweating. "IT WAS YOU! HOW DID YOU KNOW MY NICKNAME?!"
"Dude, that's your nickname?"
"Stop bluffing!"
"Geez i just came to thought about who the heck is Kiki because i keep on hearing it. One of the wizones might have that kind of name so i secretly snuck in."
I just look at Sakura. "Well?" She asked. Then i stared at Hyewon.
"I didn't do anything"
"Next question" then grabs another index card. "From Nako-chan of Pasay City, Nako, if you are given a chance, do you have any plans on transferring to JYP?"
Nako suddenly blushed. All of the looks at her.
"W-well.." then Nako fidgeted her fingers. "I.. i am not really.. I am happy with what i have right now" then smiled.
"Okay next question from Yudaengz of Antipolo City!"
"Filipino sure has a funny nicknames!" Yujin said while chuckling. "Bitch please it was your nickname."
Yujin suddenly stopped from chuckling. "For Yujin Ahn, Who is Wonyoung in your life?"
"Well, Wonyoung is my bestfriend--" Her answer was cut short when Wonyoung suddenly hugs her from behind and rested her head on hers. Yujin subtlety blushed.
"Awe how cute." I just said.
"Awe how cute but she's probably thinking about JinJoo again." Minju said. "Fake"
*hits Minju with a stick*
"From Lichi-ya of Zamboanga, for Hii-chan. Hii-chan, how would you imagine your life right now if you didn't join both AKB and Pd48?"
"Well let's see." Hitomi simply smiled then looks at me. "Perhaps, i am already a college student next year and uhmm.."
Chaewon holds her hand then stares at her. "Already pursuing my dream to become a Doctor."
"We do have that in common." Sakura said then smiled.
"Okay thank you for that answer Hitomi, i hope that someday, when these are all over, you'll make that dream come true. It was never too late." I said then i smiled at her.
"Thank you author-nim, Didn't know that the teenage author-nim can be more sensical than the old one."
"Cheh."
"Moe, Moe!" Nako teased.
"Hit her!" Chaewon cried.
"Try and i will hit you!" Eunbi threatened.
"Who says i'm going to hit Nako? Jesus, next question From Min Ju Ga Ra of Nueva Viscaya for Minju."
"Ohmyganis!! A question for me! Someone in Author-nim's country loves me!"
"They loved you all. That's why we demand a Bloom*Iz PH tour before --"
"Don't say that 4 letter word author-nim, please." Eunbi said.
"Is 2kimz real?"
Chaewon and Minju suddenly laughed. "What's so funny with that?" I asked.
"N-nothing.." Minju said but still laughing. "It was just that.. Everyone in the fandom thinks that we are but to be homest, we are not.."
I secretly smiled. "Don't make any false hopes for JinJoo author-nim! Yujin is my sister while Chaewon is my Bestfriend."
"So you're just making those fans assume that you guys were a "thing" even if you're just toying with their heads.. Okay?"
"Its called FANSERVICE author-nim." Minju said.
"Uhmm okay.. that was kind of.."
"I'd be happier if they asked me about MinTomi."
"Girl, that ship doesnt even exist in the first place." Chaewon said.
"But author-nim supports it." Minju said.
"Whatever, next question from Choi Jisu of Caloocan City."
"Didn't know that Lia lives in Caloocan City." Chaeyeon mindlessly said.
"What's caloocan?" Nako naively asked.
"What's a city?" Sakura adds up.
*facepalmed*
"Its probably a place for rich people because Lia is rich." Hitomi answered.
"Could you let me finish my question first before talking?"
*inserts cricket's noise*
"Okay ahem. For Yuri, How did you fall inlove with Yena? And Why do you love her?"
Everyone, even me starts screaming and teasing Yuri who is blushing tomato red at the moment while Yena is hiding her embarassment on Nako's shoulders. "Author-nim, Next question." Yuri said while stopping herself from laughing and gushing.  "It's too personal!!"
"But you can't skip a fan question."
The girls starts pushing yuri and teasing her.
"QUIET!"
The girls suddenly stopped.
Yuri fidgeted her fingers while Yena is secretly watching her.
"Actually author-nim.."
"Author-nim is giddying too! YulYen shipper confirmed!" Hyewon said.
"SSSH! QUIET!"
"Uhmmm.. I don't know why i love Yena.. it just happens.."
Yena is stopping herself from gushing and giddying while still Hiding on Nako's shoulders.
"Yena, why don't you answer the question instead of Hiding."
"Weeh! Yena! Yena!"
"S-stop!" Yena protested. Her face are blushing tomato red while trying herself to look away from everybody.
"I'll be asking the same question."
"Author--"
Everyone in the room suddenly cheered on.
"I'm a wiz*One too and you can't say no."
The members of the group pushed yena to Yuri's side and even locked their hands together. The two just looks away from each other.
"What now?"
"Author-nim.." Then yena scratches her head.
"Yena Choi, how did you fall in love with Yuri Jo? And why do you love her?"
Yuri was secretly watching her, waiting for her answers while secretly holding Yena's hands. Yena calmed down and smiled. "Like what she said, I don't know. I even had no idea why, how, when.. it was just that.."
*inserts me and the girls who's silently listening to Yena.*
"You know author-nim, Nothing matters when you love someone.. I love her, not because she's the main vocalist Yuri, the iz*one yuri, or the global superstar yuri. I just love her because.." then she looks at me. "She's Yuri. I love her not for what she have but for what she is."
"Aweee" we all said in unison.
Yuri blushes even more while Yena is looking down.
"You guys are being shy to show your affection. Everyone knows what you guys are.." I said. "We are not privileged to forbid you folks from that."
"We are in full support." Eunbi said.
Yena and Yuri looks at each other for a second.
"This is a better story than twilight." I whispered. "Okay next question from Kwon Bang of Vigan City, for Nako again. Nako, do you sometimes see yourself as a Twice member?"
"But she looks like a twice member!" Sakura said. "She looks like Momo!"
Nako suddenly blushed.
"W-well, i do sometimes."
"Author-nim, you're smiling wide.."
"N-nothing.." then smirks. "Alexa Play--"
*Fancy suddenly played on the background*
Nako suddenly throws off her coat and walks seductively.
Everyone suddenly cheers off.
"Nako-chi, gambarruuuuu!!!" Wonyoung cheered.
The music suddenly forwarded in its chorus.
Geogi neo I fancy you
Amuna wonhaji anha
Hey, I love you (love ya!)
Geurae neo I fancy you
Kkumcheoreom haengbokhaedo dwae
'Cause I need you (what?)
Fancy you, ooh
Nuga meonjeo johahamyeon eottae
Fancy you, ooh
Jigeum neoegero gallae
(Fancy, ooh)
Nako starts sexy dancing while singing along that makes Eunbi, Hitomi, Chaewon and Yujin drops their jaw while staring at her.
Feel Special suddenly played on the background as Nako starts walking in different direction again and winks.
Wonyoung, Sakura, Chaeyeon, Minju, Hyewon, Yena, and Yuri starts cheering off.
"Nako-chi you're so hoot!!!!!"
The remaining four members keeps on locking their eyes on Nako while drooling.
You make me feel special
Sesangi amuri nal jujeoanchyeodo
Apeugo apeun maldeuri nal jjilleodo
Nega isseo nan dashi useo
That's what you do
Again I feel special
Amugeotto anin jonjae gatdagado
Sarajyeodo moreul saram gatdagado
Nal bureuneun ne moksorie
I feel loved, I feel so special
Nako sings along while doing its choreography then gave her final wink. Everyone of us has gone mad while the four are still staring at Nako.
"Okay guys, Please welcome Nako as the TENTH MEMBER OF TWICE!!!"
Eunbi suddenly slaps me and hugs Nako. "No, Nako is ours!"
"Chill out leader-nim, I was just kidding." Then looks at Nako. "That was cool."
Everyone went back to their seat. "Where am i again? Okay next question.. from Kku Chii for Sakura."
"Am i going to sing Red--"
"No, ahem. Sakura what did you do to your face to be that pretty? Oh my gosh i'm pretty whipped for you."
"Who asked that!?" Chaeyeon and Hyewon ask in unison.
"Well" then she acts pretentious then waves her hair. "Being pretty is natural for me. Sorry guys"
I suddenly raised an eyebrow to her and rolled my eyes. "Wow author-nim sure has its hidden attitude." Hitomi said in whisper tone.
"But ofcourse, Author-nim is prettier than me. After all i am--"
"Next question Red Velvet SeulRene for   Eunbi. *ahem* How does it feels to be a mother of 11 troublesome and annoying dorks with such an out of the world antics?"
"Stressed ofcourse like sometimes, you don't know how to deal with them. And it was kind of hard to adjust myself at first because of the gaps like Sakura here is almost four years younger than me and the rest who is five to eleven years younger than me. But for somehow, i can manage. There are times that i almost breakdown because of the critics and the hate that our group was facing but these children are counting on me."
Eveyone suddenly hugs Eunbi.
"These children.. they're.. well i am their source of strength so i have to be strong."
"You really are the light of this group Eunbi-nim. It was hard to imagine Iz*One with you. You're the "E" in the Iz*One."
"No, the "E" in Iz*One means everyone. Everyone of us. Iz*One doesnt have 12 members alone, everyone is involved, once you're a Wiz*One, you yourself is already a part of iz*One because you belong to us, and we belong to you. That includes you Author-nim. You're a part of our family."
I secretly smiled. "That was flattering Eunbi-nim, thank you. Next Question is for Chaewon. *ahem* Would you rather have a cozy date with Minju or being stuck in the place you hate with Hii-chan?"
"Well." Chaewon said then looks at Hitomi. "Having a date with Minju would be nice but, i would rather be stuck in the place that i hate with Hitoma and learned to love and appreciate that place. Well every place is perfect as long as Hitomi is on my side." Then she secretly holds her waist.
"Okay that was sweet Ssamu, you're making those 2kimz shipper and Ssambang shippers runs in amok. Okay next question is for Hyewon Kang! Ahem, why do you always have that damn straight face gurl don't you know how to smile?"
"If i smile, would you give me a lifetime supply of pudding?"
"Okay that's enough, next question is for Nako-ya again! From Sofie Choi of Parañaque City. Nako are you a homosexual?"
"What?"
"Huh?"
"Someone asked Nako if she's a homosexual even if she and Chaewon are the straightest straight who's too gay to function member of iz*One." Minju said.
"But both of them are Lesbian icons." Sakura said.
"Must have been on the fingers." Chaewon said then she and Nako smirked at each other.
"They're too straight to gay function like Yena." Yujin said.
"Says someone who's "STRAIGHT"
"I am not a gay." Nako simply said. "But i am.. For Jihyo and Eunbi-nee."
"Holy Sh---"
Wonyoung covers my mouth. "Unnie, don't say bad words!"
I remove wonyoung's hands on my mouth. "Next Question from Benio Lee of Zamboanga City for Sakura. Sakura, can i be your friend unnie?"
"Everyone in Wiz*One are my friends. She dont need to ask me that question, whoever she is, i already gave her a recognition as my friend."
"Awe, that was sweet Sakura."
"Next from Kimberly Mae Coritana for Chaeyeon. Chaeyeon, can you teach me some of your dance breaks?"
Chaeyeon smiled "How can i ignore a humble request? Give me your address and i'll visit you there!"
"For real? Bitch i'll give my address--"
"Author-nim, next question. I still havent got any questions." Wonyoung complained then pouts.
"Okay from Luna Lloucherdt to Eunbi. What your co-members exactly do during their free times?"
"Well, Hyewon and i usually hangs out, then there's minju and chaewon taking selfies. Sakura finishing a game, then there's chaeyeon who practicing her dance breaks. Hmm what else? Yujin and Wonyoung studying together and Nako and Hitomi talking about random stuff."
"Next question from Kevin Yves to Yuri and Yena."
"Not again!" They both said in unison.
"When are you going to get married? Am i invited to your wedding?"
"Well, we haven't thought about it. We never even talked about getting married. We still have a lot of things to do." Yuri said.
"We still want to venture ourselves and experienced a lot of things before tying the knot. Author-nim, you're invited to our wedding."
"Not interested."
"There's a tons of lumpia there." Yena teased then winks.
"Give me the effin recep--"
Eunbi hits me again with a newspaper.
"Rude!" I said while rubbing my head. "I want my old body back! I want the old me back! The OLD, the hag me!"
Yujin suddenly pinches my face. "You're so cute author-nim, You're probably the visual if you're in a girlgroup."
"Next question is from Ryeji for Yena. Yena Choi is it true that you are going to be the Seventh member of Everglow once iz*One disbanded next year?"
"Well, to answer that question. Honestly, Everglow is perfect just the way they are and they don't need a seventh member to improve it. I am not saying that it might be possible or not but i don't want to give false hopes to you guys and let the management decide for that." 
"Thank you for that Miss Choi, next from Hikigaya Honda for Hitomi,  Since your abs is trending everywhere on social media, some experts predicted that you are leaving your cute persona as an AKB to form a bad girl image. It is also said that you are going to stay there to pursue a solo endeavour and will leave AKB48. My question is, what would be your plans after Z O Z I? are you going to stay in seoul or you'll return in Japan to continue your AKB activities?"
"Well i still don't want to think about that to be honest. Z O Z I isn't coming nor approaching yet so i'll just perhaps, enjoy my stay here in korea and make moments with them."
Everyone suddenly hugs Hitomi. "That's our Hii-chan." Chaewon whispered.
"Next one is from Sana Minatozaki of Asffhhjj for  Nako, do you already figure out what your blood type is? We're waiting."
Nako laughs then rubs her head. "i still don't know yet."
"As usual." Then hitomi chuckles.
"Last question for Yujin. *ahem* How can a dog like you be so damn gorgeous? Bitch what is your secret?"
"Stan BTS for a better good looking skin." Yujin simply said.
"Let me take a restroom for awhile."
After one hour.
"I'm back bitches!"
"WAAAAHHH!" all of them cried in unison. "Where's the teenage author-nim!?"
I slapped all of them *except Nako*
"The old perverted, saggy old nim is back!"
"Now that my business here is done, i'm outta here!" *flinched*
"No one asked me a question!" Wonyoung whined. "No one loves me!"
"You know what is sadder than Z O Z I?" Hitomi asked.
"What is it?" Chaewon replied.
"Author-nim's short lived Visuals."
"Y-you said it."
"What's so special about author-nim's teenage visual?" Hyewon said. "It was just another version of chaewon with pointy nose, pinkish lips and reddish skin, duh."
*ze hits Hyewon*
"Atleast she's back.." Eunbi said.
"But no one still asked me a question! Fans doesnt care about me anymore!" Then wonyoung keeps on whining.
-------
"That was fun." Jihyo said.
"You said it. Iz*One looks cute! Theyre all cute!" Nayeon said while gushing. "Especially when Nako danced to our song and she's so good!"
"Unnie, do you think she has the potential to be the tenth?" Dahyun asked.
"I am going to adopt her if i you asked me." Jihyo said.
"That would be fun! I want to sing with Nako again!" Sana said.
"Bitch, let me sing with her! I am her long lost sister!" Momo complained.
"I want to have a collab with Hitomi." Dahyun said. "She seems to be a nice girl."
"Sakura is cool, i want to have a dance break showdown with her!" Jeongyeon said.
"By the way." Mina asked. "How the heck did author-nim turns into like that? She looks ethereal and cute."
"I gave author-nim a pocari sweat before going to Iz*One's room." Tzuyu mindlessly replied.  All of them suddenly stares at Tzuyu.
"What?"
All of them smiled at her. "Give us the same pocari sweat kid!" Then they chase down Tzuyu.
"Unnie! You're all crazy! Help me!!"
"This Story is sponsored by Pocari sweat and.."
"Twice!"
"Always remember to drink your water for a clear skin."
"And to read bible for a better future!"
"Dahyun, can you get rid of your Christian antics for awhile?"
"Well atleast just drink Pocari Holy Water to cleanse your eyes from the sins that this world offers."
*sighs*
"See you on the next chapter, BYE!"