Healed in his arms (De Alleje 1)

15

Warning: SPG
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marked

I'm crying silently. I feel so hopeless. Disillusioned with my life after the mishap I just wanted to vanish. Sobrang sakit ng nararamdaman ko.

"Cath..."

May naramdaman akong masuyong paghaplos sa buhok ko.

Ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata, at naging impit ang pag-iyak ko nang subukan ko itong pigilan. I'm so hurt.

Wala na…tuluyan na akong nababoy ni Randy. Nagtagumpay siya sa ikalawang pagkakataon ng pagtakang paghalay sa akin.

I feel so filthy! Kahit ilang beses pa akong maligo pakiramdam ko napakarumi ko pa rin.

"Cath tahan na... I assure you everything would be alright," he utter with audible anguish in his voice. Gusto kong ma-appreciate ang pag-comfort niya sa akin but now that my purity had gone, I think it matters!

Nilingon ko siya, "Ezekiel hindi na! How could everything be alright when I'm completely ruined?" angil ko.

Si Morris. Tatanggapin niya pa rin ba kaya ako despite sa nangyari? Paano kung hindi? Paano kung mandiri siya sa akin? It's a fire and brimstone if he'll leave me!

Ayoko... ayokong iwanan niya ako! What am I going to do?

"Please stop crying ... you're hurting me baby," he pleaded.

"You promised me you won't let it happen again Kel!" I cried harder. 'Yung unang beses ng pagtatangka ni Randy sa akin ng kahayupan ay hindi siya nagtagumpay dahil dumating si Ezekiel at sinagip ako. Nangako pa siya sa akin na hindi na niya uli hahayaang mangyari ang ganu'n sa akin.

Pero sa kasamaang palad ay naulit iyon... ng mas matindi.

Hindi ko maalala kung paano, saan, at kailan nangyari 'yun. At ayoko na ring alalahanin pa.

"I'm so sorry Cath, hindi kita naprotektahan," his face covered in tears. Malamlam ang mga mata niyang nakatunghay sa akin. I touched his face.

"Kel I'm filthy…" my voice cracked and I felt my lips tremble.

Umupo siya sa tabi ko at unti-unti akong niyakap. Napasubsob ako sa kanyang dibdib kaya pumatong ang baba niyasa ulo ko. I convulse with intense sobs against his body.

"Hindi na ako tatanggapin ni Morris, he would dump me, Kel!"

"Cath hindi, tatanggapin ka pa rin niya. He loves you."

I know he's just lying to ease my pain.

Umiling ako, "Kel hindi niya ako mahal... ikaw rin mismo ang nagpa-realize sa akin nu'n. At mas lalong hindi niya ako mamahalin dahil sa sinapit ko," I feel like my heart has been shoved. "Wala ng lalaking magmamahal pa sa akin," I murmur very low.

"Hindi 'yan totoo Cath. Cause I do."

Around us the air felt charged with electricity, the silence that hung in it highlighting my frantic heartbeat in my ears.

"Don't say that, hindi mo ako kailangang akuin dahil lang nagi-guilty ka o naaawa, it wasn't your mess for you to get accountable."

"Pero hindi ganoon Cath. I truly want you, I love you... no matter what,"

"Do you hear yourself Kel?" I glance up to him. "Gugustuhin mo ba ang katulad kong hindi na malinis?"

"Yes Cath," tiim bagang at walang pag-aalangan niyang sagot

"Stupid! I'm filthy, don't you get it? I'm marked all over by Randy!"

"You we're wrong-cause I had marked you before anyone else did!" His eyes are now filled with intense emotion, "we we're young, wild, and free back then I had marked you! And it pissed me off that you cannot even remember it now!"