Short stories 9

Frick

Okay okay. So after that whole thing. I started thinking about other things that are wrong. So I used google and searched up "Repressed Anger" and holy shit.

I didn't know I was repressing my anger okay? I found out like idk one year ago. And I thought, okay well now I know so for next time I can try to fix it.

But no, I went deeper into the subject of repressed anger, and I was doing it out of pure instinct, I wasn't doing it on purpose, I wasn't doing it for laughs. Apparently I was doing it because I had some sort of traumatic experience back when I was little.

And yes. Yes it was. I had very big anger issues when I was a kid. I threw fits, I threw tantrums, I kicked a fucking hole in the wall and well... It was always looked down upon. I got my things taken away, I was shamed for it and I think that's what triggered it. I saw how guilty it was making me and saw how my parents looked down upon me for it. I think it started ever since I went to school here in my state. So that's when I went fucking deeper and I got into traumatic experiences in childhoods.

Now that is one touchy subject for me. It's not that it's sad?, Well maybe a little, It's that I don't know a lot about it. My mom basically lied to me about my childhood. We were poor back then, She had to take multiple jobs while I had to be stuck with my grandma, My Dad was a jerk, then my mom met my step-dad and convinced me that he was my real dad. Then she lied about not knowing why my last name was gutierrez instead of viramontes. I told every single teacher I met, "I don't know why my last name is gutierrez! I asked my mom and even she doesn't know!" And that hurt? You could say.

Because My mom won't tell me anything about my childhood, What happened to me and my mother when I was just a baby? I have.. dreams about my childhood, My Uncle and My Bio dad fighting because something involving my uncle's wife, My cousin almost raping me, My Bio dad giving drawings from Jail, which explains my artistic skill A LOT, The constant bullying from my Dad's side of the family, i.e. My Grandma, My two shitty cousins, My other cousins who I thought were saints, Random Uncles and aunts for asking why I cut my hair, My Mom's friends questioning why I don't act more my age, My mom's friend's children who I thought were my friends only for them to bully me too about not leaving the house more. Jesus christ I have so many childhood trauma!!

Okay okay. I did not mean to get really sad, but honestly I thought this was interesting. I had no idea that all the little things could affect a child and mess them up so badly. Either spanking, arguing, yelling, and others. It's honestly scary and that's why I'm so afraid of becoming a parent. I don't want that to happen to my child, I want a child and I don't wanna be like my parents or my grandma. And I'm scared of visiting Mexico because they might make fun of my child, just as My aunts question why my brother is so white. That's so cruel and unfair. It's awful and I hate that.

Jesus this got dark. I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I was gonna write about fucking Zane giving lots of kisses to Honey Comb Jr! I mean I'll still do that, but Jesus christ dude my apologies sincerely.