Rollacoaster -Oscar Diaz

B for Beaches and Brokenhearts

I couldn't take my eyes off of him as we drove to wherever he was taking me.

It was 8 something pm and here i was.

I was just confused. He confused me.

"Where are you taking me Oscar?" I asked quietly as we sat there in silence

I wacthed as the streetlights illuminated his face. He looked beautiful

"You'll see." Was his only response.

I sighed and leaned into the car seat.

The radio was playing in the background, but i wasn't listening.

I smiled softly as the coastline came into view.

"The beach?" I asked. He glanced at me and Nodded.
"My favourite place."

"Are you breaking up with me? Can't actually break up if we were never together."  I joked.

I tried to smile but i couldn't. 

This was the man that had me going out of my way to make him jealous. This was also the man that could bring out a side of me very few could.

And this was also the man that confused me.

I had no idea what was going on.
But i know that we both knew that there's something there.

As soon as he parked the car i got out and he followed.

He offered his hands and i hesitantly took it.

His hands were rough but soft. It was a weird combination and i loved how it felt.
He rubbed his thumb on my hand as we walked in the sand.

"Why did you bring me here?" I questioned since we stopped.

He wasn't looking at me though, his eyes where the ocean should be.

"How do you feel about me?" His question took me by suprise.

I took a look at him.

This night might not happen again so what i was going to do was be honest.  Even if it hurts

"Well, when i first met you, i thought you were a softy stuck in an arrogant asshole-"  he chuckled
"But somehow i had no control over my mouth when I'm around you. And i can really be a handful. I know that i am. And i have no idea why you put up with me. I liked that about you."

"While many thought i was annoying, stubborn, nobody wanted to handle me. You on the other hand complained but you still wanted me close."

"And in the midst of everything, I actually caught feelings for you."  It was hard for me to say but it was the truth.

I never lie

I could feel his eyes on me as i stared ahead.

"And I spent alot of my time trying to convince myself that i didn't like you but sad truth is i did."  I shrugged.

This sudden attraction to him came quickly. And then we kissed. That changed everything for me.

I was attracted to him and that was it
I loved everything about him
The way he smiled
The way he laughed and the way he walked.
The way he frowned when i annoyed him
Or even the glare when i say some thing he pretends to not like.
He was intimidating and i loved that about him
I loved the fear he bestowed on others just by being present

Jamal was right, i did have a kink for bad things.
But unfortunately i was willing to get involved in the bad things that he came with.

"You know you're right, you are the most stubborn obnoxious annoying girl i have ever met." He spoke up after a calm silence.

"But, i love that about you. I love your smart mouth, your ability to get me all riled up. I lived for it. I found myself loking forward to every altercation between the two of us." He chuckled

"It's sick because i kept telling myself and the others that i think of you as a sister. But the way i think of you, the way you make me feel, sister shouldn't even be the word to describe you."

"But all of this is wrong." He finished

I sighed  "wrong because you're 21 and I'm 17 is that it." I questioned

"I'm on probation. You're not 18. I know it might be legal but i dont want to go there." It sounded like it hurt him saying all of these stuffs

"I know, trust me i know." I sighed in defeat taking a few steps forward

I didn't know what was coursing through me.

I felt sad?

"Look Leigh-Anne nothing was ever going to happen between the two of us. It just can't.  No matter how i feel about you"i heard him say

My heart was slowly breaking into pieces.

Why was i reacting to this that way?
I knew this was some school crush.
I knew me and him could possibly never happen.
But i allowed myself to feel those things for him regardless.

I don't know what i was expecting.
I was expecting too much.
And now I'm left disappointed.
Again

"Why did you claim me though?" 

"Because, i didn't want you to get hurt. I wanted to protect you. I needed to know you would be safe and protected wherever you went. Because you're troublewith two legs" He explained.

"I've been talking to Pablo about this. Claiming me also means that I'm a target Oscar. Your enemies will come to me to get back at you Oscar! You say you wanted to protect me but all you did was feed me to the wolves after you." I didn't raise my voice.  I kept it leveled

I didn't want to argue with him.
Frankly i was tired

He didn't say anything after that.

I didn't know what to feel.

"Can you take me home please." I turned around and faced him.

He nodded and we walked back up the beach. 

With some distance between the two of us.
Not holding hands

The car ride had its usual tension but not the one we were used to.

I sighed once he parked infront of my house.

I checked the time it was close to midnight. 

As i made a move to open the door his hands on my arm stopped me.

"Look Leigh-Anne we can be friends."

"Bye Oscar." I didn't even look at him as i got out of his car.

Have you ever had a break up with someone you never even dated?

This was it.

It was hard.
And i was actually hurt.