Addicted

Things You Can Never Get Back

Angie's POV:

I was completely and totally in love with him. I couldn't even find a way to be mad at him for all of this. He pulled me onto his lap and I straddled him and continued to kiss him. I don't even know if the door was locked. I dont even know when Colby and Joe were supposed to be back, but it didn't matter for the moment. His hands slowly worked their way under my shirt and came to rest on my hips as he trailed kisses down my neck

"I want you Angie" 

He whispered against my neck. His voice and the feeling of his breath on my skin sent chills down my spine.  We always did this. Teasing each other. I never usually let him go any further. His hands slid up my sides and unhooked my bra and pulled away to remove our shirts. My heart was pounding in my chest and I was freaking out inside. This wasn't exactly how I planned for this to go. I wasn't even sure I wanted to do it. He laid me back on the couch and was hovering over me watching my reaction to everything

"You don't want to do this do you?"

I opened my eyes and looked at him. I didn't know what the answer should be. I was afraid of what all of this meant, but I also know in some small part that my refusal to do this with him is what kept him going back to Danielle over and over. He'd never tell me that or even admit it to someone else, but I wasn't stupid. I knew. He backed away and I was starting to panic a bit because I didn't want him to be mad at me. I just wanted him to understand

"Wait...Jon...please don't be mad. I'm sorry. I'm just afraid OK. I want to, but..."

"What are you afraid of?  Are you afraid of what doing this means?"

"um...I've never...."

"Yeah I kinda knew that already. You tell me what you want to do. OK?"

I sat up a little and pulled him to me and kissed him. He pulled away and gave me a questioning look and I nodded. He smirked and took over the kiss and ran his hand down my body to the button on my pants. I closed my eyes tight and tensed up as his hand went between my legs and slowly stroked while he nibbled on my lower neck.

"Angie...relax"

He stopped and waited for me to open my eyes and raised his eyebrows at me. I blushed and looked away. He traced his finger along my rib cage and stopped at a scar. I looked over at him

"That's from when my dad hurt me. I had a collapsed lung and they had to put in a chest tube"

He kissed the scar and trailed kisses down to the top of my pants. He was driving me crazy. There were so many emotions and feelings going through me all at once. I was terrified but didn't want it to stop. He took off the rest of our clothes and I never felt more vulnerable in all my life. There was nothing left to hide at this point. He postioned himself between my legs and my heart started pounding in my chest. It felt so loud I thought for sure Jon could hear it too. It echoed in my ears and I never even realized Jon had said something

"Angela? You're sure?"

I nodded and he smirked. I half smiled and closed my eyes as he kissed my chest over my heart

"Angie...look at me"

I opened my eyes and looked into his and got lost there as he slowly entered. He sat there for a second and waited for my reaction before continuing.

I collected my clothes from the floor and got dressed. I sat on the couch with my  knees to my chest watching as he got dressed. He sat down next to me and pulled over to him and put his arms around me. I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes

"You didn't have to you know. I wasn't trying to force you"

"I know. I wanted to. I thought that maybe if I did you wouldn't go back to Danielle or anyone else....that I would be enough."

He sighed and held me tight "Angie, I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I didn't want you to have to...dammit"

"what?"

"I just feel like a complete asshole now. I feel like I sort of made you do it."

"Don't feel like that. Truth is I've wanted to. I've just been scared and this whole issue with Danielle sorta fired up the idea that it was kind of do or die for me."

"Angie..." 

He sighed and kissed my forehead as I snuggled closer.

"Jon, I love you. Do you know how much I love you?"

"I love you too Angie. I just even begin to tell you how sorry I am for everything. I swear to you I didn't mean to hurt you like that. I promise I won't be so...stupid"

"It's alright. Jon, you're my whole world. I'm lost without you. I know you probably don't feel the same about me and that's OK. Just please try to remember that before you go do something 'stupid' I need you."