Addicted

You Did This!

I looked back at the door and thought about ignoring Colby and going in anyway, but something told me to just do what he said for now. I made my way to a quiet area and sat down holding her phone. I felt like going through her phone was a huge invasion of her privacy, but I wanted to see what Colby was talking about. I started scrolling through her text messages. She talked about me constantly. It was never anything negative or bad. The only time Colby would send those annoying, pestering messages is when I was home and he knew I was. He was being a jerk on purpose. He was trying to start fights. She ignored most of them. I decided to see if she was messaging April at all. I scrolled through message after message and she did nothing but talk about me. Always about how much she loved me...how happy she was with me...how excited she was to start a family. I stopped at a conversation right after I slept with Danielle.

I sighed and put her phone back in the plastic bag and put my head in my hands. I'm just a fucking asshole. I do all of these horrible and cruel things to her and all she's ever done is love me.

"Get all your answers?"

"Fuck you Colby. You know this is all your fault. Really...it is. You purposly sent messages on the days you knew I was home to egg on a fight between us. You knew you'd be causing problems. It's one thing to do that if I wasn't with her and you and I were fighting for her. It's another to do that shit while I'm married to her with a baby on the way."

"Look yeah I sent those messages when you were home to piss you off. I knew you'd eventually see one or all of them."  He shrugged "So what. It's your fault that you don't even trust your own wife. She has more of a reason not to trust you than the other way around. You don't deserve someone like Angie"

"Who are you to decide that?"

"You beat her up twice...if not more...you scream in her face, you cheat on her. What makes you think you deserve her?"

I was seething pissed. I wanted to beat his ass right there, but that wouldn't do anything except drive Angie to him...like what I've already done hasn't. I got up and walked down towards the waiting room. I handed the plastic bag to April and started to make my way towards Angie's room. I didn't care what Colby said I was going to see her.  I quietly opened the door and closed it without making a sound. She was on the other side of the room near the window so she couldn't see me. There was an unfamiliar sound coming from her side of the room. I quietly walked over and stepped around the curtain. She was laying with her head facing the window, crying. I touched her arm and she jumped, looked at me and then looked away again

"Go away" she mumbled

"I know you hate me right now Angela. I'm sorry. I had to see you. I was worried about you two"

"Well, you saw us. Now leave."

I put her wedding ring on her finger. She looked over at it, took it off and dropped it on the floor on the other side away from me. I swallowed hard trying to hold back the tears. I lost everything tonight. I was really hoping that this time she'd be able to forgive just like the other times, but this is so much worse.

"What is that sound?"

"Baby. They're watching her heartrate."

"That's what it sounds like?"

"Yes."

"Is she OK?  Are you OK?"

She shrugged and continued to look out the window. I looked down and sighed. I held her hand and she ripped it away and wiped away tears that had pooled in the corner of her eye

"Why are you still here?" she asked in a broken voice

"Because I love you Angie.  I'd do anything to prove it to you"

"Just leave. I don't want you here. I don't want anyone. I just want to be alone. Get out."

I wanted to hold her so badly. This was killing me. I needed her. I needed us. I made a huge mistake. A HUGE mistake, but I wanted to fix it. I knew I couldn't keep making mistakes and trying to smooth them over. I wanted one more chance. Just one more chance to make it right. To fix it. To make it better. To take her pain away. To just be a happy family. But right now if I keep pushing it's only going to push her further away. I turned to leave and started to walk away

"Jon, wait"

I turned back around and went over to her "What?"

"I need space. Time to figure things out."

"I understand"

She reached up and caressed my cheek. I closed my eyes as a tear fell. She wiped it with her thumb. I'd never actually cried in front of her or anyone for that matter.

"I do love you Jon. I just....I can't"

"I know. I'll leave you alone for a while."