Addicted

Starting Over At Home

Jon unlocked the front door and kissed me, backing me into the house and closing the door with his foot.  He started unbuttoning my shirt when I giggled

"Jon...we already did this today"

He nibbled on my earlobe and I clawed at his back. He knows I like it when he does that

"So...that was at a hotel. Now we're home and we can do it whenever, where ever, however we want"

"Ugh...perv" I laughed

He laughed and picked me up and put me over his shoulder. It hurt so badly and I think he was just playing around and forgot that I was sore. I wasn't going to protest. I didn't want to make him feel worse than he already did. I just wanted to sit and cuddle and talk about everything. The whole point of us coming home was to work on us and fix what was broken last night. Obviously he had other plans.  It was so hard to believe everything that's happened in the last 24 hours.

I hated lying to April so much. I know she and Colby saw Jon push me and get in my face at the club in the parking lot. I can't blame her for being concerned about me, but I didn't want to deal with her and the thousand questions I was going to get. I wasn't ready to talk to her or anyone about this. I really needed to call my sister and check on her. What happened last night reminded me that I hadn't talked to her in a while and I was worried about her.

Jon playfully set me down on the bed a little rougher than I was expecting and I winced

"Shit...Angie I'm sorry I forgot. I was just playing around"

"I know. It's OK. Jon, I just kind of wanted to cuddle and talk and maybe try to start fixing this. Because you know...uh...well, sex doesn't automatically fix the problem."

He started kissing me again and finished unbuttoning my shirt

".....Jon....Come on....we've..."

He was pulling every trick out of his book to get me to shut up and it was working. I gave in and went along with it. I wasn't going to fight it anymore. I woke up naked and sprawled across the bed. Where did he go? I crawled over to the edge and grabbed the shirt I was wearing and made myself decent and opened the bedroom door. I heard a voice so I followed it. I peeked around the corner and Jon was on the phone arguing with someone. I sat down on the couch and waited for him to finish

"Everything is fine....it's fine....she's fine..."

He turned and saw me sitting there and half smiled and pointed to his phone and rolled his eyes. I chuckled a little. My guess it was Colby giving him a hard time about last night. He sat down next to me and and put his arm around me and I cuddled closer and I put my head on his shoulder. I smiled as he kissed my forehead and then sighed. He was irritated. I could hear Colby lecturing him. He moved the phone away from his ear and I silently laughed when he rolled his eyes and kissed me.

This was the way it was supposed to be. The two of us together having fun and laughing. I really wanted him to hang up so we could talk.  I looked up and made a pouting face and he smirked and put the phone back up to his ear

"Colby....Colby...shut up....I'm hanging up now. Because I'm busy."

He hung up the phone, turned it off and threw it to the other side of the couch. I scooted as close as I could and draped my legs over his lap and rest my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me and rest his head on mine. I sighed and smiled. This is all I wanted right now.

"Jon?"

"Hmm"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything"

"What happened to you last night?"

He took a breath and sighed deeply. "Honestly? I'd been having issues with you going out to party for a while. You didn't do all the things you used to. You stopped coming around the locker room, stopped waiting for me after my matches, stopped meeting up with me at the gorilla and I noticed all of the attention you've been getting. I hated it. I was happy you were making friends and that you felt confident, but it made me feel like I didn't matter.  It made me feel like you forgot that you had a boyfriend. I know I'm not perfect and I did things when we first started dating, but when I took the leap and committed myself to being in a relationship with you it was only you. To me it wasn't the other way around suddenly. So when Colby pointed you out at the club and I saw you sitting on Nick's lap, laughing, drinking, cuddling up to him, letting him rub your thighs, kissing his cheek....what do you think that looks like to me?  What was I supposed to think?? I'm usually not jealous, but seeing you with him like that made my blood boil."

His words broke my heart. It was my fault....all of it. I had completely neglected him and made him think I was cheating on him. I let the new attention go to my head and I was responsible for the crumbling of the best part of my life. I turned my head into his chest and cried

"I'm sorry"

I whispered between sobs. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. It doesn't excuse him getting so mad he hit me, but it explained the anger. Jon held me tight and ran his fingers through my hair

"Shhh Angie don't cry."

"I'm sorry...so so sorry. I let the attention go to my head. I never stopped to think of you. I love you so much Jon. I never did anything behind your back. What you saw was the worst of it and I know that it's unacceptable. I don't want you to hate me over this."

"Angela I don't hate you. What makes you think I hate you?"

"Last night....the way you were yelling at me, the look in your eyes. I'd never seen that look from you before. I'd only ever seen that look one time in my life and I wound up at the bottom of the stairs almost dead."

He wrapped his arms around me tighter and kissed my forehead.

"Angie...never again. OK? Never. The look in your eyes and the sound of your voice screaming....I hear it and see it every time I close my eyes. It haunts me. I never meant to hurt you. I don't even remember what happened. I love you Angela. I love you very much. Please don't hate me"

I shook my head "I could never hate you.  I just want to go back to the way we were before this all happened. I feel like we were happier when I was miserable. I can be miserable again if it means...."

"NO! No way. Angie I don't want you to be miserable. I never wanted that for you. I was so happy you were willing to try to get better. Please don't. I worried about you every day. We can do this. We just need to start over. Please don't ever think that I loved you  more when you were unhappy...that couldn't be further from the truth.  Are you willing to start over and try again?"

"Yes."