Addicted

2 Years of Hell

Angela you're my whole world. I love you more than I've ever loved anything in my life. I can't wait to be with you forever.

I shot up, breathing heavy and slightly trembling. I looked to the left and sighed. I hadn't dreamt of Jon in almost a year and a half. I don't even know why I was dreaming about him now. I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed deeply. I missed Bailey and I just wanted to go home and be with her, but I needed money so tonight is my first night back since becoming pregnant. Only one person knew I was coming back and he was laying next to me fast asleep. We'd been seeing each other for about six months now. I liked him. I wouldn't say I'm "in love" with him but then again I haven't really "loved" any one since divorcing Jon. Bailey was crazy about him though. They had a lot of fun playing together and he's the only guy I've actually allowed around her. Jon hasn't been around at all since the divorce finalized and I feel like Bailey needs a father figure in her life.

"Are you alright?" he asked while rubbing my back

I turned and half smiled "Yeah. Bad dream."

He pulled me down and I laid my head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around me. I smiled and sighed

"Better?"

"Yes. Thank you."

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not really" I said shaking my head

I was uncomfortable talking about Jon with him. He knew some of it, but because they worked together I just wanted to not say anything. I didn't want to be the reason for any drama in the back. My eye lids felt heavy and I started to drift off to sleep.

Jon's POV:

Hey princess. Lets give mommy a break and let her sleep.

I gave her a bottle and slowly rocked her in the glider. Her beautfiul blue/gray eyes looked up at me and I couldn't help but smile. She smiled back with the bottle in her mouth and it made me laugh a little.

I love you Bailey. You look like your mommy. Which means you're beautiful. My beautiful little princess. Don't ever grow up kiddo. I don't want to have to scare off all of the boys.

My eyes shot open and a few tears ran from the corners of my eyes. I quickly wiped them away and ran my fingers through my hair. I dream about that day with Bailey often since it was the last time I ever got to hold her or talk to her. After that big blow up with Angie while she held Bailey I haven't even been able to see her. Angie packed up, went to her lawyer, it came up in the divorce proceedings and the next thing I know Angie has sole legal and physical custody of her. I was told to get anger management and counseling before supervised visitation would even be considered. Then Angie changed her number and moved. I haven't seen either since. I know she still talks to April, but I can't get any information or even just a glance at a picture from her. I did the anger management and counseling and I did what I was asked, but I never pushed for visitation. Truth is I wanted them both back and I knew that wasn't going to happen. I heard the toilet flush and I sighed in annoyance. Shit! I forgot she was here.

"Aww baby did I wake you?"

She crawled back into bed and cuddled up to me as I pecked her lips and put my arm around her

"No I was already awake."

"Oh. Why?"

"Nothin. Just a dream"

"Aww well I can make it better"

She leaned in and started kissing me.  I pushed her back and shook my head

"No. I'm just not in the mood."

She laid back down and put her head on my shoulder and started tracing her fingers along my chest. I rolled my eyes and grabbed her hand

"Danielle.."

"Hmm?"

"Stop. And stop calling me 'baby'.  I'm not your 'baby'. I've never been your 'baby' and I'll never be that so just stop.  It's annoying as hell and I hate it and you know I hate. I've always hated it. It's like you do it just to be a pain in the ass."

She partially sat up and looked at me. I think I hurt her feelings, but I didn't really care. She wasn't my girlfriend. She was just something to do to pass the time for tonight. I haven't actually had anyone since Angie. I just hooked up with Danielle a few times and a couple other girls. No one can compare in my mind. She's the only girl I've ever married and been in love with like that. It'll never be that way with anyone else.

"Whatever Jon. You're such a grumpy asshole since your divorce. You're not fun to be around anymore."

"When was I ever?"

She rolled her eyes and sighed in annoyance "It's no wonder Angie left you."

"Get out"

"What?"

"You heard me! GET...OUT!  Who do you think you are? You wouldn't know the first thing about it. Fuck you Danielle. Get out"

She got dressed and slammed the door. I moved the middle of the bed and laid there with my hands behind my head. I couldn't go back to sleep with so much on my mind. I pulled my phone off of the charger and stared at the screen as it lit up. I half smiled at the picture of Angie and I on the lock screen. It was an older one from when we first started dating. I opened up the pictures app and started scrolling through all of the pictures I saved. Photos of Angie and I doing various things, videos of us acting goofy, a snapshot someone took of us passed out drunk in a makeshift bathtub bed, our wedding day. I kept scrolling and started coming across pictures of Angie pregnant and then pictures of Bailey. It felt like all of the air had been sucked from my lungs and I became incredibly sad looking at the picture of me holding Bailey on my chest as she slept. She was 2 now. I hadn't seen her since she was 2 months old and I really wanted to see her. I just didn't know how to make it happen.