Addicted

The Fight That Changed Everything

He was scaring me. I'd never seen him so angry before. I wanted him to calm down and listen, but he wasn't hearing me

"Jon...please...I can't go with you until I know you're calm"

He got right in my face. There was nothing behind his gaze except pure anger...and hatred. My chest was heaving and I was absolutely terrified. I'd only seen that look in someone's eyes one time and it was enough to traumatize me for my entire life.

"GET...YOUR...FUCKING ASS IN THAT CAR. I'M NOT ASKING AGAIN"

He pushed me towards the door as he backed away towards the drivers side. I looked back and saw April and Colby had come out. Now I was embarrassed that they had seen that. I reached out for the handle and realized my hands were shaking. I got in the car and buckled my seat belt and stayed as close to the window as possible. My phone buzzed in my clutch and I bent down and pulled it out.

"You better not answer that phone right now"

He forcefully grabbed it from my hands and I let out a little scream. The rest of the ride to the hotel was a silent one. He parked the car and I just sat there. I didn't know what to do. I was too afraid to cry. Too afraid to get out of the car. Too afraid to speak. I just kept looking down and laced my fingers together to keep my hands from shaking. I glanced in his direction and saw he was just sitting there. I darted my eyes back forward and looking down. The door slammed shut and I jumped as my door flew open

"Lets go"

My hands were shaking as I unbuckled my seat belt and stepped out. My knees felt so weak. I just wanted to fall down but I had to find a way to walk because I knew he'd never help me up if I fell. I could feel my whole body shaking with fear as I walked with him to our room. It was so silent and I hated the ominous feeling from the silence. He pushed open the door and I went in and immediately went into the bathroom to change clothes. I took the dress off and put on a shirt and immediately fell to my knees and got sick. I didn't know if that was fear, the drinking or a combination of both. I finished changing and reluctantly came out of the bathroom. He was still pissed and pacing.

I decided to try to calm him down. I walked towards him. My stomach was in knots and a ball of nerves. I was freaking out because I didn't know what to expect. It was like a ticking time bomb with no visible timer.

"Jon?"

"DON'T YOU DARE TALK TO ME!"

I stepped closer, knowing it was a mistake and reached out to touch him. He grabbed my arms and pulled me right to him so we were nose to nose. He was squeezing my arms as hard as he could and I wanted to scream, but was afraid to.

"HOW MANY TIMES?"

I couldn't answer. The pain in my arms was horrible. I couldn't find my voice in all of it. He started to back me towards a wall and I felt the tears escaping out of the corners of my eyes. He hated me so much right now and I didn't mean for this to happen. He slammed me as hard as he could against the wall

"HOW MANY TIMES?"

I was pushed up against the wall again and I screamed out in pain

"HOW MANY WHAT??!!??"

"How many times with Ziggler???"

"Never"

I was able to get out between sobs. That's when I felt the sting of his hand connecting with my face

"LIAR"

I was sobbing I couldn't get anything out. Nothing I said was going to matter. I could lie and he'd hit me. I could tell the truth and he'd hit me. There was no winning at this point.

"SAY SOMETHING"

I could barely breathe. The pain was horrible and the sobbing kept me from catching my breath. I couldn't think of anything to say. The longer I waited to answer the worse it was going to be. I looked up and felt his hand against my face again as he slammed me against the wall

"I LOVE YOU"

It's the only thing that came to mind and the only thing I could choke out in the midst of everything else. He loosened his grip and let go. I crumpled like a rag doll on the floor and sobbed as I saw him back away. Everything on me was shaking.  I sat hugging myself sobbing hysterically as the hotel room door closed

Jon's POV

There was an annoying as hell buzzing in my pocket. I pulled out Angie's cell phone and saw she had at least 50 messages from April and Colby asking if she was OK. Great. They saw us in the parking lot. I stood on this bridge at some park smoking a cigarette and hating myself. What the fuck did you do?? I'd never laid a hand on a woman like that before. I don't even remember half of it. Just her screaming that she loved me...like it snapped me back to reality. I had to leave. I had to get away. I'd never seen her like that and I knew it was my fault and I knew she'd never let me near her.

I flung my cigarette into the water and sat down against the railing. I put my face in my hands and sighed deeply. Oh my God what did I do?  This just broke a major major promise that I made more than once...to never ever hurt her.  I was starting to panic inside as the realization of what happened started to seriously sink in. Her phone went off a few more times and I sighed. I love her so much what the hell was I thinking? 

I opened the door and quietly closed it. I was nervous and my palms were sweaty. The bed was still made. The room really looked like it hadn't been touched at all. Her stuff was still here so I figured maybe she was in the bathroom. The door was cracked. I poked my head in the door and didn't see her. Confused I pulled back the shower curtain and she wasn't there. I went back out and sat on the edge of the bed. I knew April and Colby didn't show up here because they continued to text her. Then I remembered something she told me when we had our first date; As we got older we'd go into my room and lock the door and hide in the closet in the back corner amongst my stuffed animals. I got up and went over to the closet and opened the door. Sure enough there she was facing the wall with her back to the door.

I was afraid to touch her. I'd already done so much. She was sitting with her knees to her chest and she had bent forward to rest her head on her knees and fallen asleep. Her back and arms were covered in welts and bruises and I felt the lump in my throat started to become unbearable. I touched the back of her head and ran my fingers through her hair. She stirred and realized who was touching her and started to panic and tried to back away

"No no Angie...it's OK...it's OK...I'm so sorry Ang...please...I'm sorry."

I reached out to her again and she froze. My eyes welled up seeing her face and I took her hand. She was trembling and it was killing me

"I won't hurt you...please trust me Angie...I promise I won't hurt you. I want to help you. I'm so sorry.  I'm so sorry. I love you Angela...I didn't mean it."

I inched forward a little and she tried to pull away

"No Angie. It's OK.  Just relax. Nothing is going to happen. I'm not going to hurt you."

I inched forward again and she squeezed her eyes shut and turned her head away. Since she wasn't looking I moved all the way to her and took her other hand. Her eyes opened and she flipped out and started trying to pull away

"NO...NO....NO"

"Angela....it's OK. Don't freak out. I know you're scared of me but it's OK I promise. I'm not going to hurt you."

She just completely fell into my arms and sobbed. I held her tight and rocked her.

"Oh God Angie I swear to you that I'm so incredibly sorry. I love you so much. I know this doesn't fix anything. I just have to tell you how sorry I am. I didn't mean it...I didn't mean to hurt you. Please forgive me."

I wiped at my eyes and kissed her forehead. I had no idea if I could fix this at all, but I was going to try