ONE DAY:
Author (approaches freddy fazbear's pizza with her Band of Nerds): Alright, bruhs, we're here!
Clueless: So this is where you got us new jobs?
Author: I sure as heck did! *grins* Don't worry, I've worked here before, I know EXACTLY what to do!
Lauren (rolls eyes): Give it a rest, Author, no matter what you do you NEVER know what you're doing.
Author: ...
Author: You are absolutely correct Lauren.
LATER:
(Author and the squad enter the building)
Human: Holy crap, I haven't seen a place this run-down since I worked at the last Freddy's.
Author: You mean the one with the creepy drug-dealing Marionette and that steriod-infused robot, Billy?
Human: yeah.
(footsteps)
Naz: Oh crap guys! I think I know who that is...
(Freddy and the other four animatronics approach)
Freddy: Who the heck are you five?!
Author (standing up bravely): I am AUTHOR, and I am here to take on this place with my Band of Nerds!
(Naz and Lauren facepalm)
Clueless: What am I supposed to do again
Author (gestures toward Chica): Say hello to Chica the Duck, everyone!
Chica (enraged): I thought you learned from our last run that I am a chicken!
Author: Really? You certainly look like a duck to me...
(Chica slaps Author)
Foxy (steps in the front of the crowd): Hi Author, remember me?
Author: Yeah, I think so. Cami the Coyote, right?
Foxy (whispers to Freddy): She remembers, all right.
Human: OK, Author, what's the plan now?
Naz (pulls out twin pistols): DO I GET TO SHOOT SOMEONE
Author: Alright, my idea is this: Each of us splits up and watches one animatronic, then when our week is over we split the pay.
Naz (puts away guns): Legit enough for me.
Clueless: Sweet! I call the duck!
Chica: CHICKEN.
Author: Now wait just a minute, Clueless, I'M choosing who goes with who! I'll go first! I pick... hmm... *points to Foxy* CAMI THE COYOTE!
Foxy: I'm a FOX!!
(Human and Naz face each other. Naz pulls out a coin.)
Naz: Coin toss to see who gets Freddy.
(Naz throws coin up in the air, slaps it down onto her wrist and reveals...)
Naz: HA! YOU GET THE BEAR!
Human: Oh, come ON!
Lauren: Wait a second, Author... Who do I get?
Author: Hmm... let's see... you get... CHICA!
Chica: At least you got my NAME right!
Author (whipsers to Lauren): Don't worry, bro, she's a DUCK. Believe me, I know from experience. All she does is EAT.
Chica: I heard that, you arrogant little-
TIME SKIP
(Author has been paired with Foxy, Lauren with Chica, Human with Golden Freddy, Naz with Bonnie and Clueless with Freddy)
Author (looking at camera): Huh. Cami certianly seems inactive tonight...
Foxy (glaring at camera): I am A FOX, Author.
Author: Hmmm... *studies Foxy's image on the camera* Yup, coyote. Definetly a coyote.
Foxy: FOX.
Author: Coyote. Coy-ooooo-teeee. Coyote~...
Foxy (enraged): Alright that does it! Here I come, ya little-
SOME WAY AWAY
(Naz and Bonnie)
Naz: Christ, what is this thing, a hippo with rabbit ears?
Bonnie: I'm an acutal rabbit, you jerk.
Naz: you sure you don't do crack or something?
Bonnie: *too insulted to repond*
Naz: That's what I thought. I'm calling the rehab center...
(Human and Goldie)
Human (sees Golden Freddy): The heck are you?
Gold: *leaves*
Human: that was easier than I thought.
(Lauren and Chica)
Lauren (hears loud racket coming from the kitchen): SHUT UP IN THERE CHICA
Chica: Make me!
Lauren: I'll remove your bib and shove it up your nose
Chica: CHRIST FINE *leaves kitchen*
Lauren (yells down the hallway): THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR PLAYING WITH POTS AND PANS LIKE A FREAKIN CHILD!
(Clueless and Freddy)
*Freddy is banging at Clueless' door*
Clueless: HOLY DEARSWEET JESUS WHERE DID I GO WRONG!!!???
Freddy: Jeez, lady, you're a bigger wimp than Mike.
Mike (appears from nowhere): Am not! I-I mean... *sweats*
Freddy (laughs): You're so gullible, Mike, it's hilarious.
Mike (mutters): As if it wouldn't be otherwise....
NEXT MORNING
Author: So how was everyone's shift?!
Everyone (sarcastically): Greaaaaaat~...
Author: AWESOME! I've got great news for you all!
Naz: Really?
Human (whispers): I hope she's changed her mind bout this place...
Author: I've signed us up for another week! YAY!
Everyone: NOOOOOOO!!!
Moral of the story: Don't do crack! (I serously have no clue how this relates to the story, but still)
THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU ARE READING
FNAF on Drugs: Bonnie on Crack, 5 Nerds at Freddy's, and other jacked-up stories
FanficA bunch of random scripts I wrote for the heck of it. FEEL THE COCAINE
