FNAF on Drugs: Bonnie on Crack, 5 Nerds at Freddy's, and other jacked-up stories

HUMAN THE NAZ! Wait a second...

ONCE UPON A COCAINE-FILLED TIME:
NAZ (skipping into Freddy's): Yayyyyy! It's my turn to deal with those 5 robotic bas- What the heck? *looks at a piece of paper on the door* What is this? "Dear Naz, I decided to take over the night shift. thank you, Human." OH NO YOU DON'T, B•SH, I COMMIN FOR YOU NOW!!! *throws open the door*
Naz (looks over at a terrified Freddy): FREDDY! WHERE'S HUMAN?!
Freddy (shaking like one of the many chihuahuas that Human won't easily admit she hoardes): T-the Guard Room.
Naz (showing slight concern for the animatronic creep): What has made you so TERRIFIED, Freddy?! You're supposed to be scared of NOTHING! (as if)
Freddy: H-Human's... Stranger than we all thought.
Naz: How is that even possible? her nickname comes from the fact that she's normal. In fact, that's actually why Lauren doesn't have a nickname.
Foxy (screeching down the hallway in terror): See for yourself! #YOLO *jumps out a window*
(Naz heads down the hallway)
Naz (beats down the cast-iron West Hallway door to the guard room): HET WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA, STEALING MAH THUNDER LIKE THAT?! TONIGHT'S MY NIGHT TO WATCH THESE LITTLE ****S!!!
Human: Keep it PG.
Naz: Want me to start callin' you Author?
Human: Nope.
Naz: Then shut up.
Human: Sooooo... What do you want other than to kill me for taking your week's pay, which is only about $24.10 but still.
Naz: Oh yeah, about that. Why are all the animatronics so freaked out about you?
Human (grins): Watch. *plugs her iPad into the security tablet* *starts blasting girly pop music that the animatronics and Author hate to death*
Naz: Wow. that was easy.
Human: Yeah. There's just one problem.
Naz: And that is?
Human: Golden Freddy uses Justin Beiber as a cue to turn up.
(Human flips to the backstage camera)
Goldie (dancing to Justin Beiber): TURN UP
human: Author told me downloading and playing "Good-by My Lover" and "Dance with Asmodeous", aka "The Last Revolver" and "Madness of Duke Venomania" would get him to shut up, and surprisingly enough it works.
(Human plays "Dance with Asmodeous")
Goldie (covers ears): HOLY CRAP WHY IS JAPANESE MUSIC PLAYING?!
Naz: That's what I want to know.
THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Author's note: "Madness of Duke Venomania" and "The Last Revolver" are NOT owned by me. They are owned by Akuno-P (aka mothy) and all credit goes to him for being such an awesome songwriter.