It's Fascinating | SOPE

39

I quickly went onto the stage and started my set list. Some songs felt a little strong then before and I couldn't grasp why.

I would perform each song and leave the stage, quickly getting water and getting my sweat patted down.

Hoseok would try and talk to me but I ignored him. I had a lot to think about, even if I didn't want to think about it, I had to.

It was the only thing that plagued my mind. The crowd was amazing though, like always but it helped me ever so slightly.

I finish my song in an almost instant.

I head quickly back to the room as they pat me down again and I get ready for my next song, AgustD.

I could feel everything inside me fill with rage, I need to get it out. "Yoongi-" I look Hoseok right in the eyes and walk straight past him and go onto the stage.

Who knew a bastard would try and talk to me, just go make another plan for someone else.

I let out a deep breath as the song starts. Just like everytime I let everything out.

But this time, it's way more aggressive. You could see my veins pop out way more. I was mad, I was angry.

HOW DARE HE! How dare he think I was some random body to use, how dare he think I would never find out.

He had no right! He had no right to fucking do that! Do you find me pathetic! Do you think my music is even good!

Or is my ass just to good for you! What am I to you huh! I can't fucking tell!

Your an asshole! A scum! A pig! Just every wretched thing! I hate you UGH!

The song ends and I stand there on stage looking out to the crowd. I'm breathing heavily and I'm pissed.

Everyone is cheering, it felt nice. It felt nice to let that all out, even if the song had nothing to do with it.

The song was just the right pace to talk shit and be pissed but also be normal.

I get off stage and everyone quickly helps me get ready for my last song. I hear a knock and Tae walks in.

I don't look at him and just keep to myself. "Yoongi... I... I just wanted you to find someone  and he-" I get out of my chair and look at him.

"You don't get to choose that, you don't have the right to do that. Now move, I have a show to do."

I walk past him and head out. I quickly run on stage and breath again, for what seems like forever.

Same steps, same moves but different feelings.
The song starts and I can feel my emotions drain.

My anger was being lowered and filled with sadness. Everything was hitting and showing themselves to quickly.

The song didn't help. I walk around the stage while rapping.

But my thoughts continue to roam, almost like a tornado.

Why Hoseok, why? I keep telling myself, it's not a big deal, your making it bigger then it seems.

Your being dramatic, he did it because he liked you. Liked.... he likes me.

I didn't want it to be true, I was hoping Tae was lying. But it was true.

But is it true? That he likes me? he said it to me, but what can I believe. He didn't really break trust.

There was never trust built. Hoseok what were we?

We're fuck buddys.. right, but that was me who said that! What do you think.

Hoseok why, why couldn't you just message me? It would have been easy.

Why go so far to make a plan.

Calm down Yoongi, it's not a big deal, it's not that bad, your dramatic, stop it, he did nothing wrong.

Why, why am I like this.

I start to think of what we did, not many months have passed but we did a lot.

Memories start to flood as I hold my head while rapping.

Memories of us at the club, of Hoseok teasing me. The way he would try to make me laugh, even if it was small.

How he did truly sit down and help me with my music. How he would be goofy and play around while we were in the dance room.

The way he held me when we first had sex, how he didn't instantly leave.

The trip, the "date" of us at the pier, he won me so many prizes. He went on rides that he didn't wanna go on but went because of me.

How he took me to the Hollywood sign and stared at me the whole time. How he kissed me and his eyes looked at me as If I was everything.

I was definitely being dramatic, I was being dumb and harsh for something so stupid.

I felt a slight tear fall down my face and then a slight few more come with it.

Shit was I crying on stage while performing? It a good thing I'm almost done.

"You were firmly by my side, You didn't have to say anything, So don't ever let go of my hand, I won't let you go ever again either, My birth and the end of my life, You will be there to watch over it all"

I let it out, I soon finished and I held my breath, leaning my head back to look up at the stars.

At this moment, I knew this song no longer talked about a piano, but of something else.

Hoseok, my first true love.

Authors note
I know, a weird turn of events, may even feel far fetched but it will get better!!