It's Fascinating | SOPE

48

I woke up just like normal and let out another sigh, it's been a week since I came out and hate comments are at a all time high.

I shouldn't focus on them but they are hitting a little harder then normal.

I'm out now, everyone knows, yes I no longer have to hide but I've also now become a target.

Threats, hate comments, sometimes even reporters at my work place. I couldn't get a break.

What's even worse is, Hoseok will go no where near me when there are reporters but when their isn't, he touches me.

I mean yea he was kinda like that before but he won't even touch me. Like walk with me to work or anything like he use to.

It's like I no longer exist while there are cameras. I hate it, it makes my stomach turn.

I down a cup of water and get ready for work. I really didn't want to get into my car and go because I knew there would be paparazzi.

I suck it up and drive to work and just walk. I try not to pay attention to anyone, but today was worse.

While I walked through the paparazzi a random person threw their coffee at me. "NASTY FAGGOT!!" I just stood there.

Just when I look up I see Hoseok, we make eye contact and he just walks away..... ignoring me. I'm over it, I'm over this.

I clench my fist, I'm angry, I'm hurt and I'm tired. I should have never come out, I should have never loved Hoseok, I should have never given him a chance.

I quickly walk to my studio as Joon sees me and try's to keep pace.

"AHH" I threw my equipment everywhere. "FUCK YOU, FUCK THIS!!! FUCK EVERYONE!!." Joon walks in and his eyes widen.

He shuts the door and walks over to me concerned. "What's-" I throw something past him. "Don't you fucking dare come near me, I'm done with you people, always faking and being two faced because your famous. I'm done."

I break my soundboard and walk out. I stump to Hoseoks office and bust the door open.

"Oh hey swee-" I get pissed. "Me, you, tonight 9pm, we need to talk." Hoseoks eyes widen as he noticed I'm enraged.

"Wait hold up what's-" I raise my hand. "That's all I had to say, goodbye." I slammed the door on the way out and spent the rest of my day being pissed.

It didn't take long tell it was 9pm. I just looked at the clock and sighed, I shouldn't have told him that we need to talk because now I'm afraid of his answer.

But I need to know, I can't have one sided love or lying shit.

I text him to meet me at a restaurant as I grab my keys and head out. We go to a nice restaurant that's secluded and has out door seating.

I rented all of the outside to be empty so that we could dine and talk in peace. No one needed to hear what we have to say.

I sit down at the table and look out at the moon that is coming up. I just relax as I drink the wine in my cup, waiting for him.

I hear someone speak as a man leads the dark brown haired male to the table. Hoseok sits down as I just pay no mind to him.

"Hey Yoongi." I just nod, not speaking. We have small talk here and there but I knew what was to come, I just didn't know when to say it.

"I missed having nights like these." I look over to Hoseok, did he really just say that? Wasn't it him who made us stop this?

"I did too." I sigh. We order our food and the man leaves. "You look really nice sweetheart." I bite my tongue and hum in a response.

Do think it's ok to act like nothing happened? He grabs my hand and looks at me "I love you Yo-" I stare at him. "I think I just saw paparazzi."

Hoseok draws his hand back so quickly as he try's to slightly look around.

I blink hard knowing that I just got my answer. "I lied." Hoseok just laughs to play it off. "Haha don't do that, you gave me a fright."

I just cross my arms "of what exactly?" He looks at me a little confused. "What do you mea-" I laugh a little.

"Of us getting caught? Is that what your afraid of?" He just shakes his head "No Yoon-" I huff out some air.

"No, look Hoseok, we need to talk." He just nods slowly. "I loved you Hoseok." The mans eyes brighten at the words, as if he's been waiting for them.

"I love you too Yoongi!" I shut him up "No, listen, I said Loved. Past tense." The mans eyes drop slowly.

"What do y-" I shake my head "Just listen." He nods.
"I loved you but you were afraid to love me."

"You were so open about it before, shit you even said it on stage but we both know you regret it."

I lean back in my chair as I try to hold back broken tears. "You use to treat me nicely and talk to me every day but lately it's like I don't exist if there's a camera near."

The mans face just seems to change and become more sad as I speak. "What happened to 'Who cares what people think?' Huh? Where's that Hoseok."

"Where is the Hoseok I loved and wasn't scared of a camera capturing us. Am I a game to you? A pawn? Someone to just get you popular again?"

The man try's to touch me but I take my hand away. "No-" I glare at him with almost tear brimming eyes.

"No HOSEOK! Listen!" I breath in a little staggered. "I did not open up to you that day because of a panic attack! I did not tell you my life story because you witnessed it! I told you because I trusted and loved you!"

Tears are now falling. "And to think, days later, you would just ignore me because of a camera, because I came out!!" There are tears starting to form in the males eyes now too.

"I gave you things that I couldn't give to anyone else in 5 years and you just walked right over it, if anything you probably stomped on it too."

I wipe my tears and get up, he gets up too. "I don't want to hear broken lies from a man who prefers fame over love. You need to choose!"

I take a deep breath "Me or your fame, because one of them will leave forever and not look back. I'm tired of a man who lets a camera decide his life. Goodbye Hoseok."

I push past the man bringing the plates and head straight for my car. I drove off in a fit and went straight home.

As I got out of the car, paparazzi was all at my door, surrounding it. They swarmed me as tears were falling.

"Why are you crying?"

"Are you really gay?"

"What happened to you and J-hope?"

"What are your views on J-hope?"

"Did a man make you cry?"

"Can you tell us why you are gay?"

I ran past them and quickly went straight back to my car, I quickly drove to Jin's place.

I banged on the door and Jin opened the door and looked at me concerned "Please let me in."