Joon sat there frozen. Was he scared? I couldn't read him.
I slowly regained control over myself and folded the wings down. "People died during the attack, Joon. Father and Byul found me and Tae. And there was nothing there. Just dust." I really hadn't told anyone. Just saying it made everything more real. Giving a voice to the event meant it actually really happened.
Joon gently pulled me down into a hug. "It wasn't you."
"No, Joon. There was nothing there except me." Tae never told me what actually happened that day. I didn't remember anything. He would lie and say he didn't remember it either.
Namjoon gently patted my hair and murmured, "That doesn't mean it was you."
"It's me," I cried onto his shoulder. "Not remembering doesn't make me innocent."
Joon pried me off him and dried my tears with his sleeve. "It had been a long time since you cried in front of me." It had been years. "I- I didn't mean to shout at you. I just have been conflicted about vampires. And Jin."
I knew he was thinking something through, but I thought he was worried about the house and finance. At least that's why we fought earlier this evening. He said he didn't need to be paid, while I absolutely refused not to.
"I just don't mind Jin as much as I should. Where do I put the line? He killed people for his own gain." He looked at me just to check if he knew what he meant. I nodded. "Just didn't mean to go off at you."
"You should have. Maybe even earlier," I said. "I don't know what to do, Joon. About anything. Things keep happening and I don't feel like I have power over it. I never had control over things."
"Hmm," he nodded at me to go on.
All I could think was if I were back at college maybe it wouldn't matter. "I know you would hate me for this, but I want to go back. It was nice back in University."
"You can't ignore everything."
"Maybe I could. I mean what's the point of knowing everything if I don't know how to change anything. If I don't have the will to act."
He looked at me disapprovingly. "That's not how things work. When you erase memory, you leave people behind." I knew he was right, but it just was such an attractive option. He looked at me thoughtfully. "Did you erase your memory?"
I shook my head. "I don't know." There was a gap in my memory. I could have used a charm. Maybe I used one. If the thought of using a charm on myself wasn't so foreign to me right now, maybe the past me would have used one as well. But I would at least have remembered the key!
YOU ARE READING
LONDON SEOUL (BTS)
Fanfiction"Why does everyone keep saying that? How isn't it me when I did it? I thought it. With my own brain and did it," I shouted. " And I still can sense the thought, the thought of wanting to kill you." He just kindly looked back at me and said, "Then t...
