Unleashed in February (Behind The Month #1)

7

7,  Understood

I thought about what happened for quite a while. Minsan kahit sa klase, nadadala ako ng iniisip ko kung saan. Hindi ko alam kung lalo ko bang pinalala ang sitwasyon ko.

"Tulala ka sis?" biro ni Dyorda nang pauwi na kami pagkatapos ng last subject. "Tara, samgy tayo!"

I forced a smile. "Next time..."

Hindi ako kinakausap ni mama, dalawang araw na. She doesn't even glance at me. Si papa naman, kung hindi ko tatanungin, hindi rin ako makuhang kausapin. Ate Apple left that morning after all the confrontations my parents did to me that night. Kaya lalong tumahimik ang natural na naming tahimik na bahay. Pero kahit tahimik, masakit pa rin sa tainga.

We had a long quiz on one subject so I invested my time on reviewing the other night. Kinakamusta ako ni Hope pero wala pa akong ganang sabihin sa kanya ang problema ko. Si Heidi naman... I don't know.

We haven't seen each other for some time now. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ng mangyayari sa amin. But one thing's I'm sure about, I would never go back to her dorm again. The last thing I would want to happen is to be seen by Mrs. Patricio again, and would probably end up being reported to my mother.

Alam kong hindi pa klaro ang isipan ni mama tungkol sa akin. She's still doubting what I've told her. Halata naman.

"Ma..." tawag ko habang kumakatok sa pintuan ng kwarto nila ni papa.

Kakauwi ko lang galing school. Ni hindi pa ako nakapagpalit ng damit pero nagtext kasi si ate sa'kin. Hinahabilin ang gamot ni mama. Ito na muna ang gagawin ko.

Mabilis ang pagbukas ni mama ng pinto. She looked at me coldly, dropping her eyes to the tray that I was holding.

"What are you trying to do? Hindi mo ako makukuha sa pag-ganyan ganyan mo, Erin." she lamented. "You prove me wrong, and everything's done. Now leave, I'm busy."

Natahimik ako. Because of what she said, I took another step to see what's she's doing inside their room. I gulped upon seeing a rosary on the bed and a book of prayer.

It was like a trigger to me. Tahimik akong tumango bago bitawan ang tray na naglalaman ng bote ng gamot at isang basong tubig sa isang maliit na table. Nasa corner iyon, malapit sa pintuan ng kwarto nina mama.

"I'll... I'll bring someone with me." mahina kong sabi.

Mama didn't utter anything but I know she heard me clearly.

Seeing her, doing that again, is really bothering me. Though I'm not sure if it's for me and my actions, I had a feeling that it was indeed for me. Besides, it's actually what I thought they would do. Kahit na nakuha ko ng magsinungaling para lang hindi na nila iyon gawin.

I know there's nothing wrong about praying. May it be for yourself or for others. It's honestly a good thing to do. But then, that prayer which my parents are practicing, is about asking for forgiveness about my sins. Alam ko. Ganoon ang gawain nila noon para sa dalawa ko pang kapatid. I hated the idea. I felt like my brothers should be the one to do that.

And I hate it more, now that I know their prayers are for me. Para bang sobrang sama kong tao. Para bang sobrang makasalanan ako. Lalo na't paulit-ulit nilang ginagawa iyon. Isa pa, hindi ko rin alam kung tama bang gawin iyon. Hindi ba't ang sabi nila'y lahat ng sobra ay masama?

The next day, I was fully decided. I'm keeping my relationship with Heidi. Wala kaming gaanong komunikasyon ngayon but it doesn't mean that we're done. I love her. At first, what I feel for her is just pure friendship but then as the relationship went on, I eventually learned to love her.